Chaos Attraction

Vacillation

2007-01-09, 8:50 a.m.

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So, yesterday.

Mom has actually called the PITAS and told them she (theoretically) wants to let Dad go.

I gather they approved, and were actually quite nice to her. And they want to be there when he dies. Nobody else is very happy about that (Mauricio apparently feels the same way as Aunt Susie and doesn't think they should be there), but Mom says she's his sister and she's known him longer than any of us. It's kind of ironic that the minister, Stephen minister, PITAS, and Mauricio all want to be there when Dad dies- and yet Mom and I don't.

I am leaving town after work today to go to a meeting at the nursing home tomorrow morning. Whee. And the PITAS are coming to that as well.

Even more bizarre: they apparently want to stick around after Dad dies. Yeah, I wasn't expecting THAT.

So yesterday I was sitting around, trying to figure out what the hell to do. Do I notify my boss and my volunteering manager (who I've met once or twice before this, so I kind of feel shitty for dumping it on her) that I may be out sometime this month? Do I sign up for the Tuesday night class I wanted to take? (Admittedly, it's free, but still.) Do I start packing to be gone for however long? Do I try to figure out some funeral outfit that Mom won't bitch me out for because "black is depressing!"? (Well, excuse me for not feeling like breaking out the tie-dye for that occasion.)

Or if I say anything, is that just going to bring on yet another "false alarm" here? Is she going to get everyone's hopes up and dash them yet again?

Yeah, odds are 50/50 on that.

I haven't notified anyone at work yet. I told a few friends, that was about it. Ian helpfully volunteered to fill in for me on my shift if need be- he is awesome.

I called Mom last night to see how much she was wussing out already. Sure enough, she's all sniffle sniffle, "It seems like everyone else wants him gone!" (Well, gee, it's not like we want him gone so much as we want him to not fucking suffer any more just to exist!), and sob sob, she can't deal with the idea of him not being here any more ever.

Um, yeah. If she actually goes through with it by the end of this month... well, odds are still 50/50.

*smacks forehead*

Just don't fucking lead me on, okay?, I tried to say to her, but nicer. It got nowhere.

Oh, and now her Stephen minister is supposed to be gone from the 17th to 22nd, so if she does kill him, I guess it won't be until after that.

*sigh*


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