Chaos Attraction

Goal Setting, Round 2

2008-01-13, 4:30 p.m.

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1. The Three Rocks: Did this on Tuesday night, and it went well. I'm glad I shared it with others, since they seemed to get something out of it as well. My three rocks are in a little jar next to my bed at the moment.

3. The mini-goals: This is going well. I'm actually really liking it. Doing one thing a week with regards to cleaning (today I cleaned up the bathroom. Good god, I have enough Bath and Body Works products to open my own damn store) helps, or at least I don't feel like I'm turning into Mom so dang much. Did a little meditation too. I'm scoring 100% at meeting work goals.

The only thing I'm not totally feeling 100% on is the "doing something different" section. Technically speaking, I did three new things this week, but it was along the lines of "saw new stuff at art gallery", not anything real brain-stretching or fear-conquering. Now, admittedly my trying to stay inside and not go shopping too much (I had to go to the grocery store today and pick up a few items at other places, and it took a lot of restraint on my part from picking up some magazines or other non-urgent items. Ditto looking up stuff on Etsy.) has had a lot to do with it, because new experiences and spending money mostly seem to go hand in hand with me. It kind of bothers me a bit, though. At the very least, I'm trying to be good and behave this month and next month (though I do have one trip coming up per 3-day weekend, so uh...that won't be perfect), so I guess that's a sacrifice I'll have to make.

2. The visioncrafting session: Had it today! It mostly ended up dealing with the job/writing and the emotional stuff, which is good because those are probably the top priorities. As a uh, heavy astrology hobbyist, I liked hearing details on my chart, which certainly explained a lot. (I'll probably go write more about that on my vox page somewhere, since this isn't the astro-whoring page.)

She hates the whole Stuart Smalley affirmation thing as much as I do, so it was more about coming up with sentences summarizing what I wanted and focusing on that more than feeding myself a lot of bullcrap about how I'm good enough and smart enough. I'm down with that.

I should add that on to the joesgoals thing, too.

4. Wishcraft and This Year, I Will...

Setting the big, hard, concrete stuff? This isn't going so well. Which is to say, Teh FEAR is kicking in.

I started my reread last week with Wishcraft, and hit a big ol' brick wall after making lists of possible ways to solve the problems. Because at that point, well, (a) I wasn't in love enough with any of the solutions to pick one and start planning it out in full, and (b) that's where she is all, "Now here's where you get people to support you and help you on this."

And *screech* that train went smashing to a halt.

In the other book, they say something like, "make a list of things you tackled, and why you did them, and how that worked for you." And well, a big thing for me in getting something done is that I did it 100% BY MYSELF WITH NO HELP. If I have to count on someone else to help me complete it, doesn't get done. (Exhibit A: driving. Exhibit B: the irritating large-shelves-on-the-floor problem. I could go on.) I actively do not want to have to rely on someone else's cooperation, free time, patience, etc. in order for me to get something done, because other people are flaky and uh, then it does not get done.


At this point, I turned to This Year, I Will... again. And that book talks about The Fear. The fear of going out of your comfort zone, the part where you get totally paralyzed and thinking, "Hey, my old life isn't so bad," and you don't want to do it any more.

Uh, yeah, THAT is where I'm stumped. And where I think this sentence- "A New Years Resolution is basically an acknowledgment of a flaw we see in ourselves that is unlikely to change in the long-term."- comes to mind.

So: there, I am stymied.

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