Chaos Attraction

Zoey's Extraordinary Failure

2020-03-09, 9:17 p.m.


Another GTL day, except Dawn also threw a “peacock party” (yes, I dressed up) to make cards with her new peacock stamp set. We spent four hours making peacocks to stick on cards and then never actually got around to actually making cards, so there will be a part 2 of this.


Lioness isn’t coming back for another month. I can’t say I am shocked since I figured as much. That’s the way this place goes: the worst possible scenario that can happen, happens. They should plan as much.

I got in trouble again at the Monday morning meeting, which I thought I was doing just fine in (upright, said words, did not pass out from boredom, was in fact having some slight freakouts at some things I was being told) until I got asked, “Jen, are you feeling all right?” by the Reiki-doing coworker who was running the meeting in lieu of my boss, who was out dealing with kid stuff. I stupidly thought that since she is laid back and also Not A Morning Person I would be okay, but no, I was not okay. So then I got in trouble for not being energetic enough, apologized for it... again, I fucked up AGAIN.

In today’s drama: someone ran around with a machete today. The machete was found, but not its wielder.

I went back to knitting group for the first time in two weeks and we had a lot of people come in, which was great. I’ve missed that joint. Though we had to have more coronavirus discussion, as the lady working there said she’d email us if the center is closed down, and one girl announced that she is flying to Hawaii tonight (“great!”) and then afterwards everyone else was all, “I dunno about that.” Another lady is going to New York and doesn’t care. Allrighty then. There was also the line, “Those poor slobs on the cruise ships didn’t bring enough yarn.”

On to “Zoey’s Extraordinary Failure.” NOTE TO THE ENTIRE WORLD: 360 REVIEWS ARE NOT ANONYMOUS. “Misogyny, misogyny” is how Zoey’s boss sums up her review.

Everyone’s depressed: Leif can’t stop being sad after hearing non-positive reviews, Maggie feels sad that Mitch can’t work with her any more, Emily misses David, David just wants to hang out at a sports bar so he will stop angsting that he’s going to have a girly-man son like he was himself, Simon’s dead dad’s birthday is coming up, and Max doesn’t get the best review either but mostly he’s just uncomfortable dating Autumn:

Autumn is the one happy one for half of this episode: We’re told she’s absorbing the rainbow in an oil slick and “she unironically chased a butterfly for 37 minutes.” Max breaks up with her anyway. She doesn’t seem to mind much.

The choreographed pool table dance to “You Gotta Fight For Your Right To Party” is genius. Just saying. Anyway, Zoey feesl obligated to translate for her brother and sister-in-law after “hearing” them duet, David is unthrilled at this.

Maggie debates shutting down the business, Mitch is not the sort who would want her to do that (and “sings” “It’s Your Thing”), so she doesn’t.

Zoey: “Usually it takes me a whole song and dance for me to pick up on someone’s feelings....” Except for Simon, anyway.

This is what’s telling about the guys in Zoey’s life: she is wearing a horrible serial killer looking face mask Mo got her to wear, and yet she picks up FaceTime to talk to Max anyway (“I don’t mind it,” he says). But when Simon comes to the door unexpectedly....yup, removed. Which is good because Simon is freaking out thinking he could have stopped his dad’s suicide. Zoey points out that dad didn’t want and/or wasn’t open to his help.

(I’m pretty sure I’ve said it before here: but if a person really wants to die, they’re not going to be all “cry for help!” a la Rebecca Bunch by popping pills on a plane/making sure she has an audience, or my cousin Linda calling people ‘to say goodbye” after popping pills. Simon’s dad didn’t want to be saved.)

Then Simon breaks into “Should I Stay Or Should I Go.” Nice living room dancing. Zoey is clearly turned on. The episode does not answer the question. Hubba hubba.

Anyway, on the “Jen’s Dad Angst” episode level, this was pretty low for me, so yay there. Mostly the Simon bits were best for me in it.

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