Friday was actually relative-free. Parents picked me up, fought in the car (joy), we ended up at Chili's, where it seemed like everyone there was (a) with small children, or (b) with their hootchie-mama dates. I was jealous of the latter and kept thinking "A week from now I'll be with him instead of my parents, a week from now I'll be with him..." etc. As for the fight, the living room of the house is currently being used as Mom's "office" for doing Rotary paperwork for extra money. And is, admittedly, paper-filled. The rest of the room is filled up with Dad's train set, and he can't get into it right now because Mom's stuff is all by the door. Uncle Bruce apparently offered to help Mom clean the family room so that "Dad can play with his trains" (he can't, really, or at least in the condition he's in now he's likely to break them if he handles them), and she was very pissed about him saying that and indicating she's a bad housekeeper. I asked her which was worse, Auntie D. saying that or Uncle Bruce, and she said it was a toss-up. The dinner conversation also revolved around Why Is Auntie Dolores Such A PITA? (Pain in the ass, which Grandma actually called her Sunday night in front of me.) and dreading the next day.

You know what's bad lately? Dave's listening to all these very dirty Bloodhound Gang songs has corrupted me. I had one called "Yummy Down On This," specifically the part where they yell that repeatedly ("YUMMY! DOWN ON THIS! DOWN ON THIS! DOWN ON THIS!"), stuck in my head throughout dinner Friday night. Well, I guess that was vaguely appropriate for eating, even if at the time we were just eating food... which isn't what the song's about. And of course, yet again, I had the porn star song about "Chasey, this is my mom and dad. Now show 'em them titties!" stuck in my head after the baptism. My mind is a sick, sick place. And it's all Dave's fault.

Saturday was actually not all that bad. Auntie D didn't yell at anyone and actually talked to Mom. It probably helped that Laurie hid in the car during the baptism (Connor was running around hyper but call it a hunch she stayed there even after he calmed down), and then hid out in Tammy's backyard for almost the entire afternoon thereafter. Smart girl.

Baby Jessica is cute and has these amazing eyes and amusing expressions when she's looking puzzled. Tammy had her all dolled up in a ballerina-esque skirt. I suspect now that she's got her girl, Tammy is going nuts on the pink. Her room is pink and purple, and she wore pink clothes all day. Anyway, Jessica is a cute baby, and sweet, and smiles a lot more than her brother did at that age. Justin didn't smile until he was a year old, and looked miserable at his birthday party until the cameras were put away. Also got to see Connor for the first time in...a year at least, and now he's big enough to run around hyper too. He has gorgeous naturally red-blonde hair, I'm so jealous. Didn't seem to talk much, probably 'cause he was too busy running. Justin was also quite hyper, and did a headlock on Auntie D when she was taking pictures during the baptism. Hah!

I got really sick of Auntie D (my supposed godmother- as my mother put it, "she never did anything for you" for that) and Grandma going joyously, "I remember YOUR baptism!" Er, bully for you, I don't? Ugh, they look on that so fondly, not to mention all the joyous baptism welcome-to-Jesus gifts that Jessica was getting, and I still sat there thinking "Why is this such a big deal?" Then again, I'm not a real believer. Especially since I tend towards believing like the Amish when it comes to baptism- the person should have the choice as an adult as to whether or not they want to be in the faith, instead of being forced into it as an infant.

The priest doing said baptism must have been a fill-in, as he's over 80 and retired. And was apparently wandering around with his pants half-unzipped. Yeah, THAT looks good for when you're baptizing children, especially during this day and age... My aunt was the only one who would mention it to him.

Afterwards, like 20 people (including Les's parents, their siblings, and all of their kids. Plenty of 'em) went over to Tammy's for lunch. The kids ran around outside, everyone else got their picture taken a lot and/or played with Jessica. I fell asleep at one point (so sue me, I got tired) and Les took my picture with a digital camera and then showed it to me afterwards. Geez, I looked hideous, big head and no jaw. Why on earth does Dave think I look cute asleep? Woof!

The relatives didn't get too bad or unreasonable when it came to asking questions about the boy. Though Uncle Bruce (and Grandma too) still kept asking when he was going to meet the family. Damned if I know, go ask your sister-in-law over there. She goes completely silent whenever the topic's brought up. I'm about to give up hope on ever doing this reasonably, given her reactions. And yet she picked out Jessica's goddaughter gift (garnet cross) specifically so Jessica could wear it at her wedding. Uh-huh.

There was an amusing bit where Uncle Bruce was pontificating on how to catch a man, you have to cook well (you know my feelings on THAT), and then he said that he'd had to teach Auntie D. how to cook. I about fainted. You mean Auntie D., whose big desire in life (besides ruling the world) is to be a housewife, didn't cook?! Grandma didn't comment on that. All the other men chimed in to say they taught their wives how to cook, and Mom sniffed that Granddaddy used to say that about Grandmummy, but it wasn't true. Hmmmm.

Since I haven't gotten into this yet, here's the news about Dave.

Dave has hopefully managed to get rid of both of his stalkers this week. I've already mentioned Psycho Ex before. Dave agreed to hang out with her on his day off on Thursday, since she'd been bugging him to and he'd rather remain friends with exes than enemies. Naturally, she spent the day dirty talking and reminding him of the good old days. Oh, gee, what a surprise there. Then they ended up going over to Jeremy and Nikki's, and Dave ignored Psycho Ex to talk to them. Psycho Ex got pissed off and went home, and hasn't been heard from since. As for his other stalker, his ex's sister (girl's not even legal yet, but has had a thing for him since she was 12) that's been calling him and all of his relatives for three weeks, she finally got through by calling his grandma while Dave was there. Grandma doesn't ask who's calling and handed him the phone. What did she want? Oh, to come visit him this summer. He said no. Now he has this message on his voice mail along the lines of "Here's a question for my female friends: If you had called someone and all his family for three weeks straight and left messages every time and he didn't call you back, how long would it take you to figure it out?"

In another bizarre story, there was one girl at Dave's work who, for whatever reason (PMS, rat died up her ass, who knows), was very obviously cruising for a bruising. After another coworker screwed something up, Pissy Girl made fun of her on the loudspeaker all day. They're doing a recycling drive, and Pissy Girl made sure to catch Chris's attention before she threw her cans into the trash. And finally, she called Dave over to tell him that the necklace I made him was "irritating."

"Irritating?" That cracks me up. That's the best insult she could come up with? I think she was stretching it and just trying to piss him off. Bad. idea. I don't know about her reaction, but despite Dave trying to look calm, apparently he was looking like he wanted to rip her head off. (Or as he would put it, he doesn't care if you insult him, but if you insult me.... well, as a sticker at Hot Topic says, "Never fuck with a Scorpio.") He didn't, but I guess the people looking on at his reaction to this were a bit scared. The next day, everyone at work, including the boss, ragged on her for doing that. To the point where she actually apologized to him. I find this whole thing amusing as hell.

Finally, the good news... he has the coming weekend off! Nope, he didn't ask for it either. I don't know what he did at work to get that good treatment, but I am amazed. Given the conflicting desires for (a) private time vs. (b) friends there insisting they get to see me, we're going to split the weekend. He'll come down Friday afternoon and meet me after work, then Saturday afternoon we'll go to his place and be social. After the joys of the last few weekends, I'd like to be with someone who makes me happy instead of frazzled for a change.

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