Actually slept 9 hours today, that was lovely. It's been a low energy day and it's windy and crap outside so I haven't wanted to do much. I finished a yarn bomb and yarn bombed the tree on my patio, that's about it for outdoors. Indoors, I actually cleaned my bathtub after I had to pour 1.5 bottles of Drano down it because it refused to drain any more. Super gross, but now the thing is actually clean...for about a minute because the awful drains here start to clog again after 2 uses. I also finished sewing my duster together. I may or may not add more to it, I'm undecided there.

It's Jackie's birthday and OF COURSE it was the worst one ever and she's mad at someone. Joy. I didn't really want to put energy into "hey, let's talk about this" because whoever she's mad at, it's gonna be the same old shit.

Robert is being iffy about whether or not to get together. I'm just going to assume it doesn't happen and move on. Likewise, I did tokenly invite Cameron if she wants to go to the Renfaire or not but expect she'll just ignore it. Why bother any more.

Collage club today was interesting. Mostly because of talking to Meg afterwards. She had some kind of vision of me making a "chakra sweater" so what the heck, I'm starting something like that. She also went on about loving yourself again (sigh), but a few things in this conversation shocked me.

Specifically, that I have "strong energy" and that is what puts people off me. Greaaaaaaaaat. I started crying, because I am trying to NOT do that, to pull back, to hold myself back, to be meek and mild and not rub people the wrong way and she was basically all, that doesn't work. SIGH. I don't WANT to drive people off JUST BY BEING MYSELF. She keeps going on and on and on and on about how I have to love myself? THIS KIND OF THING IS WHY. I'm so tired of driving people away by being me, how can I love me? I don't think I'm great at least most of the time for doing that, for irritating people, for not being what they want/need me to be.

Also, outta nowhere: "I was checking into Scott's energy and when I've checked in, he doesn't think that there's a problem." THE FUCK?!?!?! How can he not think there's a problem when I used to text him a lot more and I literally haven't for almost all of the year?!? She was all "well, I have friends where when I haven't talked to them for five years" and I am all "yeah, I still kind of disagree with that for myself."

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