Today: slept for around 4 hours (oh well, I give up, just laid around forever), but at least it was in a bed.

Mom called Sandy and I have the following to report from this:
"My (relative) is so tight. she squeezes a buffalo out of that nickel until it shits." -Sandy
"The best thing about marrying your dad is meeting Sandy." -Mom.
I was all "I do not know what to say to this." Other than thinking "Once again, how the fuck was I conceived and existing? I really, really shouldn't exist."

Mom also told some other "Dad was shitty" stories over the weekend--it's not a thing she does a lot, but she did tell Randall (see below) about some horrible shit Uncle Bruce said and that Dad never defended her in any way.

Mom has decided to finally sell her van. Unfortunately, the safe in the closet is like decades old and finicky and will not open. I Googled for various ways to fix that that don't involve having someone come into the house (hahahah) and none of them worked, so now she's going to have to get another title from the DMV and that'll take weeks...so that's going well. She lied to the guy she was going to bring the car to ("he told me to call a locksmith and the last time I tried to take the safe out of here, I broke a finger") claiming she "had to go out of town" and "will drop it off Monday." Uh-HUH.

She keeps critiquing me, which is a joy. Today's fun: "when did you last shower?" "YESTERDAY MORNING," and then managing to say I don't like your pants without actually saying those word, and insisting I wear her pants (note: she's 4 inches shorter than I am) for dinner tonight.

On a related note, we went to the nursery Randall (cousin's cousin) works at and it was a delight. Amazing ornament collection, rainbow trees, a "dirty stuff" tree featuring booze, gambling, and a naked Santa ornament, a "gay" rainbow tree, a "famous people" tree, a "garden" tree, a "Hanukkah" tree, an underwater tree...I got four ornaments and a purple light bulb figure to stick in the back patio area, and Mom bought everyone a plant--I got a pink(!) pointsettia. I note that Randall had on a buttondown shirt, shiny green tie, tweedy vest, and LIMEY GREEN NINJA GINGERBREAD MAN PANTS, ahem. (Mom just now: "Randall looks so cute in his outfit." Meanwhile I wear red tie-dyed pants and it's a giant nooooooo.)

Sounds like Thanksgiving with his sister and her husband went all right, though he was all "how come the guy can do things on the computer but not put away a glass or do anything in the kitchen and they throw towels on the floor and turn the heat up high," to which, good points. Also he's had more contact with the relatives lately and continues to be unimpressed with their behavior, as usual.

After that we went out to dinner with Roger--my mother insisted I put on Hard Pants with a zipper and a button, brushed my hair...I was all "am I allowed to wear this sweater THAT YOU GAVE ME or do I have to wear something else out of your closet?" I enjoyed the dinner, albeit I got full pretty fast and Mom asked me like five damn times if I felt well and I was all "I feel fine, I'm just full AND WEARING HARD PANTS WITH A DAMN ZIPPER AND BUTTON WHICH I HAVE REFUSED TO WEAR FOR MOST OF TWO YEARS."

I found out that there was another Signed, Sealed, Delivered movie out there: The Vows We Made," i.e. The Wedding Episode! Shane's mother is there and she's very acerbic and Shane is all "I can't spend four days with her!!!!" "Shane never said you were so...whatever this is," the mother says to Oliver. Though she makes herself useful in translating a child's messed-up mail. In other news, they're interviewing temps for when Oliver and Shane are out on honeymoon and apparently the only good candidate is SUPER PREGNANT, like having Braxton-Hicks right before the interview. To which I am all "um... how long is this temp job for?" Well, she has rent due in 2 weeks and the baby due in 2.5 weeks...and since she doesn't think she can take care of the kid, she's at least considering(?) adoption. And suddenly Rita is all "Let's adopt!" More sample conversation between the mom and Oliver: "I've never seen someone wear a suit and a pocket watch to a barbeque." "Oh, THANK YOU!" This episode's lost letter turns out to be a kid writing to a...stuffed mascot of a forest fire station. Sadly, the bear got burned up in an arson...oh, and then it turns up magically fine like 10 years later? "Oliver seems more interested in reuniting a boy with his stuffed action figure than getting married." Oy. Shane then cancels the wedding rehearsal...oy. AWWWWWW Shane's mom just offered to become Oliver's mom and says she loves him, on only a few days' acquaintance! Wowza. Norman and Rita get the idea to adopt the pregnant lady and kid and have her move in, which I think is very sweet. And finally, the wedding. "Will you overlook my failings and my obsession with the King's English?" These are very schmoopy DIY lyrics, I must say. Good job, show.

The Nine Kittens of Christmas: Merilee has graduated from vet school, done her residency, and has her own practice in Florida with her boyfriend--and also her cat Queenie died 4 years ago and she has a new one, Duchess. Zach is now a captain at the fire station in Oregon. Merilee goes back to Oregon (alone for the moment) to visit the family and runs into Zach when he's dressed as an elf. Now it's kinda his turn to be awkward.

"Mostly we just flirt in the hallway between checkups," Merilee says of her boyfriend, Miles. Miles is very nice and attractive and I feel bad for him already. Miles is too overloaded with work and after two years of him always canceling on her for trips, she breaks up with him. That was fast.

Someone dumps nine kittens at the fire station. They are adorable and climbing the tree. Surprise, here is Zach with a box of kittens! Vet to the rescue! Merilee's sister volunteers to house the kittens, Zach postpones his ski trip to find them homes, along with Merilee. Of course Sierra the niece names the cats after reindeer.

Apparently Zach didn't get on the stick about proposing and she moved on, seems to be the gist I picked up. But they hang out together while kitten-shopping and it's adorbs. DAMN THEY ARE GOOD ON THE KISSING. I love when they go angst and talk to their cats about their feelings.

Um....1.5 hours into the movie and Miles shows up, why? They have a nice resolving breakup of "I'm moving back here" on her end, and "it's fine to be a workaholic, really!" Zach sees her with the guy, but later she calls to say "I broke up with him because he wasn't you." AWWWWWW. She's kinda crying!

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