I normally don't dream much at all (thank the gods), at least nothing I remember. When I do dream, it's not pleasant. And tonight's dreams just sucked ass. I was COMPLETELY wigging out in my dreams. I was trying to force myself to do things I was supposed to do and was terrified and very much not wanting to� It was really bad. Boy, did that set me on the frigging edge when I got up this morning, and lasted through the afternoon.

It seems like every few years of my life, everything starts to get drastically changed around from where it was before, the people I used to know leave my life, and everything does a 180. I HATE THAT!

I've felt plagued by anxiety all day. I can't handle anything new and different happening to me, or anything else utterly CHANGING on me. I'm going nuts. I bailed on the date since I've got too much to do and am crabby anyway. Maybe when I get back things'll be better-at least, I won't have to stress about (a) Mom's impending arrival, for which I must clean house or she'll have a cow- "What have you been DOING while out of work if not cleaning?" (b) needing to pack (c) getting my damn resumes evaluated and back from the relatives (d) applying for some jobs before I leave, etc. I feel evil, but I just can't deal with anything else new right now. I am on overload.

Did I mention that I think I screwed up filling out the unemployment form so that I'll get even less money this time around? I am SUCH. AN. IDIOT. And it is way too late for me to do anything about it. Crap.

Every time Hill goes to check the mail and comes back and yells "Mail call!", I start whining that I don't want any frigging mail. It's not good news that's coming in these days, other than the Christmas card from Grandma (money) and from Christine (long time no hear from). Bills I'm putting off paying, bad unemployment news, health insurance news� I don't want to open and read it and get even more depressed than I already am.

Did I mention that I now have health insurance�but it starts on January 1? And I need to pick up a prescription refill the week BEFORE January 1? I can't wait until later, either. I am ticked and will be out of town anyway and I just don't know what to do. Mom keeps nagging at me to "just call" and ask questions, but I despise doing that. I hate getting the eternal runaround, which is what usually happens. At least I don't have to go to the doctor for the throat, which is almost better.

I found another possible full time temp job to apply for in town, which is cool (though I couldn't find out much about the position). About the same money as the other, I think. I really need to apply for some jobs this week so I have something to write on the unemployment form asking me where I applied to and what the results were. This time all I could write was "Looked around for ANYTHING I was eligible for, in between being sick." I found one job where past journalism experience was welcome, but it's in Sacramento and I don't trust the busses to get me there. Oh well, I guess if worst comes to worst, I could apply at the bank or something. I probably won't be applying for anything during Christmas week, so I have to get it in before Friday. And yet between Mom's lack of e-mail and Aunt Susie's lack of any kind of promptness when it comes to family matters, I'm still waiting to get my resume critiques back. I need those before I apply, dammit! She can send me frigging chain letters threatening me with death if I don't send them to everyone I know, but she can't handle the resume? She knows I need to talk to her tonight, yet she's going out shopping till late? GAH! I can take no more!

The only good news for today is that Hill's dad got us a replacement microwave to replace mine, which died unexpectedly while I was away. I would have had to have used all of the relatives' Christmas money to buy a new one, so this is a relief. Hill's now working on getting us more of her dad's furniture, which should be interesting.

Oh, and Em helped send a guy to jail. We're all proud.

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