Dash and Lily Day
2020-12-23, 6:17 p.m.
recently on Chaos Attraction
Vacation Day 5:
News: I woke up this morning to a text from Scott, asking for my address to send gifts to. (I should mention he knows the general apartment building but hasn't actually been in said apartment, due to tornado. I can't make this shit up.) He also typo'd "gifties" to "fifties," which I only noticed later once I was awake and then was deeply amused by since I'd been looking at bitmojis involving a stripper pole and throwing cash around. I said I'd be over at the shop tomorrow, so....that's set. Now I just gotta finish the dragon and figure out whatever the hell I'm going to say in the card this year, and wrapping, and figuring out what I'm going to wear...
Things Watched: Since I will probably do the Hallmark marathon starting tomorrow, I'm working my way through my list of this year's Netflix to watch. Yesterday I dedicated the day to watching "Dash and Lily," so I shall recap that today. It was glorious and it actually really distracted me from my own wangst. Highly recommended.
I LOVE A SCAVENGER HUNT PLOT.
Episode 1: Dash:
Dash complains to a bookstore employee about the filing of Gabriel Garcia Marquez (twice). Employee's absolutely deadpan response: "If you ever want to work here, I'll remember this." Anyway, while a bored and lonely Dash is nitpicking The Strand's filing system, he finds a handwritten book that's setting up a scavenger hunt, about filing. Dash is DOWN FOR THIS. I love the clue about The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe: "Why is jolly St. Nick giving an eight-year-old a knife?"
Dash ends up talking to a friend of his ex's and then she notices he's holding "The Joy of Gay Sex." "Anything she should know?" "Tell her I'm trying new things." Lily (the code-leaver) indicates that she's hoping a straight teenage boy fulfills her challenge. And to do a dramatic reading out of nowhere of Joni Mitchell's "River." The employee literally pulls the plug on him, and won't say anything (even if he knew, he wouldn't). Lily's next message is for him to write back saying how he feels about the holiday.
Dash is having a loner holiday--his parents each think he's with the other parents and the classmates think he's out of town (except for his pizza-making friend Boomer). He tells his friend to keep an eye out for the girl...however that would work. It doesn't work so well.
Is it just me, or is the white cable-knit sweater on men (seen in Knives Out last year, A Royal Christmas this year, and now this movie) A Thing now? Or was it always A Thing?
"If you want to know more about me, you'll have to find out through this notebook."
Dash thinks he knows this girl through her words, like he can hear her voice. She's sarcastic, sophisticated....sadistic.... "She's sending me into a department store right before Christmas. Clearly, her sadism knows no bounds." Also uh...he assaulted Santaland? "I hope climate change destroys the North Pole." He grabbed a hat...which says Lily on it. She is spotted at the end, caroling.
Episode 2: Lily
Meet Lily: She loves Christmas, she loves love, she has a fantasy about meeting a cute guy at the Strand.
WAIT, YOUR GREAT AUNT IS MRS. BASIL E?!?!?
Meanwhile, all of her relatives are ditching her for the holidays. I seriously don't get these people who DITCH THEIR KIDS to run off to islands.
"I don't have a love story. But that's okay. I don't need one." *cries* "Everyone has someone for Christmas except me." She scares guys away. LILY, I RELATE TO YOU TOO MUCH, THIS SOUNDS LIKE MY THERAPY SESSION TODAY.
Lily makes adult friends. They read books, they don't judge Lily's wardrobe, and "they drink. A LOT."
"If there's something I can't say aloud, I write it down here." Lily's brother and his new boyfriend IMMEDIATELY get the idea to set up a quest for her to find her soulmate. "Can I help?" ADORABLE. I love you guys already. Also, "Cousin Mark" is the bookstore employee. He calls her to let her know, "You got a bite." "How would you describe him?" "Snarly. Annoying and pedantic. He committed to the Joni, though." Lily is disappointed to hear Dash hates Christmas, blames it on the dudes. "You made me sound jaded and snarky and cool!"
"Teenagers are shits, no offense," says her adult friend, also saying Lily needs to expand her bubble. (Literally, on a map.) Dash hates being alone this time of year and leaves her a pizza flyer. "Leave the note next to the most depressing Christmas movie you can find." She picks "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer." "Reindeers are herbivores who would neve hurt anyone" and "It was probably Grandma's fault for getting in the way." (I still vote for "The Christmas Shoes.")
PIZZA FRIEND (Boomer) SPOTTED HER! And she tells him not to say he spotted her! "I want to get to know him, but it's easier to do it in... there." Boomer says Dash has a lot of walls, but once he lets you in, he's the most loyal friend you can have. (I will give Pizza Friend a name when I know what it is, btw.) This is where Lily gets the idea...."He hates Christmas, right? He's going to have to ask Santa."
Boomer distracts the elf by being all "You were on SVU, right?" That's a Very New York activity. He also got the elf's autograph. Apparently Lily knows Santa, because Santa threatens Dash ("I don't want her dating some snarky teenage boy"), Dash threatens him back and steals the hat.... "You think you're the first teenager to mess with Santa? This year it's why all the elves took capoeira."
Episode 3: Hanukkah. Well, can’t say I expected that title in this show.
Dash won’t tell her his name--too easily identifiable--but says it’s a connector of words. “Like and? Andy?” He doesn’t like it. He says he doesn’t like Christmas since his family got divorced. What’s your worst Christmas? Well, this one’s pretty bad, except for one year... the year everyone ditched her friendship bracelets after her crush Edgar did it in public. “If you want everyone to like you, DON’T be yourself.” I HEAR YA, LILY. She dubs Alice in Wonderland “the patron saint of weird girls,” but I wouldn’t pick her. Alice seemed pretty normal in weirdo-land. That sad story made Dash mad.
The “Challah Back Boys” are playing a secret concert on the seventh night of Hanukkah. Dash is inspired. Lily is freaked. She’s afraid she’ll do something stupid and embarrassing and he’ll stop liking her. “What if I ruin everything?” I think that every day, Lily. BENNY WILL HELP YOU! I love Benny.
There is a whole Alice theme, and I don’t just mean Lily’s nightmare. There is a random drag queen bouncer who lets you down the literal hole to hear Jewcore klezmer. (And yet, even nerdy ol’ me went to something like this once. Go figure.) Dash left her a note in the bathroom. THAT’S ADORABLE.
Lily becomes the queen of the party (literally) and then runs into...the guy from the friendship bracelet story (Edgar), who liked her right now and then calls her weird again....Aw man, this is just sad. She even leaves her boot behind, but not the notebook. How will he find her now? (Try the pizza guy?) And then her grandpa gets back and grounds her forever.
Episode 4: Cinderella.
“Why did I think it was romantic to sleep on a rooftop in December?” Now Langston (her brother) is sick, Benny is banned from the house, and things aren’t going well. The boys stress on the doorstep....and uh, some random older Asian lady is all “Oh, that’s my boot.” I....don’t think he’s in the right place? Oh, this Lily is her great aunt...”Oh, you’re Mrs. Basil E?” “I used to send her and her brother on scavenger hunts in the Metropolitan Museum of Art.” OMG THIS IS SO ADORABLE. Mrs. Basil is apparently not on good terms with her brother, the jailor, and wants Dash to prove his love and he’s all “I don’t actually know her at the moment, duh?” I care about her, though, and I feel bad about last night....that’s more like it!
Mrs. Basil comes over and admires Dash’s detective work, says he’s worried, and he’s still got the boot since the fairy godmother doesn’t return the shoe. Grandpa kicks everyone else out. “Going on tour with the Rolling Stones is not abandoning the family.” Grandpa is still mad at Mrs. Basil. They have a private conversation, and when Lily walks in, he’s crying. He’s home early because he proposed to his girlfriend and she turned him down, not wanting to move to NYC.
I cannot figure out if Grandpa loves Mabel or not. She makes him feel less lonely and he finds Florida pleasant. This is....not a fervent dedication of love either, I have to say. However, Grandpa will unground her after today and take her out to... pizza! Lily tells Boomer to deliver the notebook by 5 p.m. and he literally runs out on his job. OMG. Dash hits the subway.
New dare: the Nutcracker house. Watching people take pictures in front of a bling house makes me very sad and reminds me of Deacon Dave’s. “This notebook is magic and we see what we look for.” She’ll send him a sign at 5. The sign that says “Believe” lights up. AWW.
Episode 5: Sofia and Edgar. Uh-oh on this title.
She sends him to make mochi with silent Japanese grannies. He sends her to an art pop-up. “I made a muppet. It’s what I think a friend of mine looks like in real life.” Blue hair, purple skin, sour expression. HAHAHAHAH. However, you’re supposed to break your stuff afterwards. “I guarantee you will feel amazing.” I WANNA DO THAT.
It’s Edgar again...wearing a ridiculous hat. He tracked her down via Instagram. “That is the literal definition of stalking.” I love how she is all “Did you just track me down to tell me how weird I am?” Because I got the message! He apologizes, says he was jealous of her. He invites her to slam poetry and he’s....TRYING TO BE WEIRD, but Lily is the real deal. HUH. Since when does this happen? AND IS THAT A FRIENDSHIP BRACELET I SEE????
Dash keeps writing in the journal and ripping out pages. OH NO LOOK WHO HE JUST CALLED....because Sofia was the only one who could make meals with Dad bearable.
Dash listens to his mochi (per Lily) and defuses his dad himself by turning “Why won’t you do sports and why do you love books?” into a sweet moment. GOOD JOB, DUDE.
Lily misses writing in the journal and ends up beating up on a snowman instead. SOUNDS FUN. I wanna see THIS in Hallmark.
Lily goes to slam poetry and eviscerates Edgar, calling him her “middle school bully” and she is hella mad. Edgar apologizes. And asks her out. “Okay.” Honestly, I .... kinda want to root for this now as a ship? Except obviously I shouldn’t from the title?
Sofia is moving back, wanted to make sure that we are okay. We are. Maybe even friends again? Wanna go to a party? AND OF COURSE HE KNOWS EDGAR AND IT’S ALL THE SAME PARTY. Priya’s Xmas Eve party Dash got invited to earlier, for the record. EVERYONE WILL PARTY. I’d be more excited except for their respective dates.
Episode 6: Christmas Eve
Dash tells Sofia he’s sorta met someone. “Sorta?” Sofia thinks they should meet, thinks it’s romantic, but don’t put her on a pedestal. Dash will pass the notebook--with his name in it-- to Mrs. Basil for Christmas. HMMMMMMM.
LILY IS MAKING HERSELF A CHRISTMAS TREE DRESS I AM SQUEEING. She feels bad about going on a date with someone else, Langston tells her to keep her options open, and says “old friend” is code for “ex.” Lily asks Boomer about the ex. “She moved to Brazil” as far as Boomer knows. Surprise for Boomer! I will note he is wearing “Yippie Ki-Yay Motherfucker” on his sweatshirt. “You’ve never seen Die Hard?” he says to Sofia.
LILY’S DRESS EVEN LIGHTS UP. “No one in the world could pull off a sweater like that, but you are ROCKING IT,” Edgar says. (a) I beg to differ, and (b) maybe I should be dating Edgar, except it would be illegal.
Boomer has a confrontation with Dash about Sofia, saying Dash turns into a “mute zombie Ken doll” with her,” which may be a legitimate assessment since he let her dress him and get rid of his favorite coat today. Boomer passes the notebook and sticks up for Lily. Boomer announces that he’s gonna go on a double feature movie date with the elf from the first few episodes (explains his sweatshirt, one of ‘em is Die Hard), and also gets Boomer out of the way so he can’t ID Lily in public.
I am amused at this entire thing about “the new Pixar movie, Collation” about office supply love, outta nowhere.
Lily is ready to meet.... and the first time she sees Dash, he is nitpicking Home Alone 2’s NYC geography. Second meet: the buffet. He likes her sweater. She turns on the lights. He’s very impressed. “Yours is very unconventionally attractive.” Dash wants to leave and they turn this into a jewelry robbery fantasy. Love this. Edgar just does whatever random thing that pops into her his head, Dash says. He introduces himself, and then Sofia comes over for a dance, as does Edgar. Let’s play Truth or Dare, they say! Sofia gets Dash to leave, Lily chokes when asked about her favorite place to make out.
Sofia takes Dash to a museum after hours. Edgar wants to do strip poker. He offers to call Lily an Uber when she wants to leave-- and almost kisses her--and then bails out when he finds out it’s too expensive. Oh lord, dude.
Sofia wants him back. Dash says he was putting up walls with her, she answered questions for him (“because I know how much you hate talking”), he says he can speak for himself. They make out on the couch, the journal left behind.
Epsisode 7: Christmas:
No notebook. Lily leaves--”It’s not like anybody’s celebrating here--” with two different shoes to go to Mrs. Basil’s. “His persnicketiness charmed me, I admit.” Lily is all, what if I said the wrong thing and scared him off? I HEAR YA, GIRL. Mrs. Basil E makes a Dash pun....OHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Lily got Boomer’s number from his work. Bad news is confirmed. Lily finds her caroling group and GETS DRUNK ON THEIR BOOZE IN A BAR. And texted Edgar drunk asking for a kiss. Oh man. He has, however, brought mistletoe (“I stole it from outside”) and...wow, that is quite a kiss...and then Dash shows up....oh good lord. This has gone trainwreck.
OH WAIT, THE SHOW JUST REWOUND ITSELF SOMEHOW and Dash isn’t feeling it making out with Sofia. “I’m kissing you, but I’m thinking about her.” “You’re a disappointment as a time travel companion.” She wanted something familiar upon her return. “You changed for her.” That said, they still sleep over in the museum.
“If what you have is real, she deserves more than a notebook for Christmas,” Sofia says, as she leaves. OH WAIT, THAT MOMMY APP THING ACTUALLY HAPPENED. “Spotted at McSorley’s.” Dash runs off to buy tickets to “Collation.” It’s a sign! He hits the bar and....here we are again. This is awkward, Lily is drunk, Dash takes her home. They chew each other out about the others. Oh, this is just sad. I was loving it until these others came in. Also Lily admits she met Boomer. Dash takes her to Mrs. Basil’s and hands over the boot. “This was never going to be as easy as it was in the notebook.” “You don’t want to give up just when the game’s gotten interesting.” “I guess I don’t want to play the game any more.”
Lily is too drunk to be handling her grandpa showing up. AND THEN HER ENTIRE FAMILY SHOWED UP....and she barfs. What a Christmas.
And OF COURSE THE ENTIRE FAMILY IS MOVING TO FIJI NEXT WEEK. He has no choice, all he’s been getting is contract work and they live with Grandpa.
Episode 8: New Year’s Eve.
What Dash is looking for isn’t here. Hey, wait, it’s the surly relative again, passing the notebook. “You never saw me.” Lily expected a great romance too. “At midnight tonight, I’m getting on a plane to Fiji.” She’s gonna throw out that Muppet, too.
Lily starts hitting Langston when she found out he broke up with his boyfriend because he was going to Puerto Rico...for two weeks. DUDE.
Dash tracks down Boomer...and all their mutual friends... at a concert. “You came to a Jonas Brothers concert for me?” Boomer is charmed. It’s probably less charming to break up the entire concert for everyone. Wait, how are they hanging out in Nick’s trailer? You have to get vulnerable, Nick says. Great idea!
Grandpa chews everyone out for New Year’s apparently...giving Langston some shit for dropping out of school with a broken heart and telling Lily he would have let her stay in NYC with him except for her recent behavior with him. Lily rips Grandpa a new one for his girlfriend and his sister, Langston for his trivial breakup, and her parents for not telling her he lost his job. Grandpa still won’t let her stay. Grrrr.
Langston finds the red notebook and....does not tell Lily. Dash waits around. Everyone feels bad. Langston reads it and sends Lily a photo. It’s adorable. He’s in love. Lily hops out of the car to head to the Strand. Hey, the elf is there and hands her the keys! He’s set up all the food they ate and ornaments and recreating the last few weeks. Awwww. “Ohhhh, why is it so much easier to tell it in a book?” She kisses him instead. GOOD JOB.
Grandpa has relented and will let Lily stay with him...and with Mrs. Basil when he goes to Florida. Langston got Benny a notebook he can mail from Puerto Rico. Also, Sofia and Boomer went on a date to Collation. That was... random. Edgar drinks alone in a bar, how old is he? What is with that bar not even checking all the drunk teens?
Dash and Lily NYE kiss. Awww.