Work: who cares, really, nothing to say there.

Per Mom's suggestion, I sent Scott a card. I had a pre-bought birthday card for him already in the house ages ago (I think last year I decided to get him something nicer than one involving squirrels and nuts...never mind that now), included the "Scrooge you" Christmas card, and when I went to pick up my new book at the bookstore, I got him a gift card for as much as he got a gift card for me, included it in the card, and slapped it in the mail (with no written explanations, just signed my name) before I could renege.

There you go: I'm not quite being douche enough to not reciprocate a gift, yet I'm not making anything for someone who is no longer knitworthy, halfassing it between Christmas and birthday gift but not getting 2 gifts, and god knows I'm not signing it with "love" or any of that shit again. Also it's in the mail so no driving it down or seeing him otherwise, no wondering if he'll respond to a text or FB or what the fuck ever.

There, it 's fucking over with. I was even dreaming about it last night (we were hanging out again and it was happy...sigh) and I want this worry the hell over with. Then I can ignore him on the day of and be done with it. No more contact again until maybe May, and I'll try to avoid him after his show so it may be even longer.

Ashley called to say today was a medical mess, her dad insisting on sleeping in and showering + traffic made her late and the hospital gave her shit over it (me: "they're in the Bay Area, accidents happen, and you can't drive?!"), but for the moment, issues are sorted, surgery is postponed, she's off bed rest...and I can't go to karaoke tonight, told her next week.

Singing lesson tonight was...totally weird. Theoretically we were starting "Watch What Happens" tonight, and I got those vocal straws in time for the lesson. 1. Apparently the whole vocal straw thing is basically...you blow into a water bottle with a very large (think bigger than boba tea straw, but plastic/kinda heavyish) vocal straw to increase your lung capacity or something along those lines. Did a bit of that at the beginning, did one of my usual vocal warmup exercises to that and the rest like normal. 2. She had me log into her musicnotes.com account, which will play the sheet music automatically, let you mix things, take out the vocals, slow it down, whatever. She wanted me to just attempt to vaguely sing the notes to this while blowing into the straw...and that's about all I'm supposed to do this week. Not even really try to sing it. And we wrote in where to take breaths. Like...this song is so hard you can't even really start singing it?!? Very weird. I note it's a "patter song" where most of it is just going quickly--fine. And apparently it key changes, which means nothing to me personally on that one. I do not remember "key changes" being A Thing when I was in orchestra, somehow? (Morgan: "Alan Menken just wants singers to die." Me: "Don't they ALL?" Her: "Yes.") So....yeah, that was weird. My throat feels a little messed up after all of this weirdness, but I suppose it's to be expected from doing new weird things and whatnot.

I looked at the callbacks for Newsies--Dannette, Lucas/Felicia, Sage, Sabrina and Elizabeth from The Producers, Laura from tap class, Alisa and Jillian, Shorhaired Sarah, Molly and Annie, the same dancer chicks that have been doing the last few shows, James and Paul from Urinetown (I'm guessing Paul is going for Jack). Well, good luck to whoever gets Katherine and has to sing this one in public.

I think I've learned that I'm never going to be good enough for real (musical or not) theater, one way or another. Auditionwise I'm going to stay in my slow little sad lane and not have hopes or expectations of anything (or anyone) from now on.

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