Another day at work where I was all "I'm pretty sure these are the wrong procedures, because this doesn't match," but I was overruled and everyone else said, "no, it's these," and they weren't following what looked right at all, BUT if I say something, I'm going to be wrong and in trouble... and then I spent the entire fucking afternoon being a fuckup and having all the managers meet with me again to tell me I fucked up again on something else by not adding little zeroes "because summer is different." Followed by hearing at 3 p.m. (after hours and hours of working on yet another tedious list of nearly 800 things) "oh, you have to split it into 2 lines." WORDS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION AT 10 FUCKING AM TODAY and I know that if I'm the one who fucked up, I'm the one in trouble for it, but if the other two did, no difference to them. They tell me speak up if I think there's a problem, speak up speak up speak up, and then I get in trouble, and if I don't speak up, I get in trouble, and either way, I'm fucking up too much. By 4 p.m. I was fucking ROASTED and just wanted to call in sick for an hour, but obviously I wasn't sick.

On another note, I had the follow-up appointment with the temporary therapist today. I figured since I'm not in dire straits at the moment, I should reserve the other three appointments for more dire shit going on, so I didn't book another one. It went very well again. Do kind of wish I could see her semi-regularly!

She said like it was sounding like I was moving towards acceptance of the guy situation, seeing reality as it is and was more matter of fact, and if I don't want to do the work of maintaining/holding onto the friendship and just dialing back to acquaintances, that's fine, especially if it's not worth the effort. She figures at some point I'll be over it, which I agree. At some point I will stop caring and nothing will matter any more. If I just have to say something for me, even if it ends the relationship, so be it.

She said it sounds pervasive with me that nobody cares, which...yeah.... She did say she really enjoyed talking to me and I was funny, I'm just not being mirrored back, which, true. She said that other people's opinions of me matter, but so does mine.

She asked what my goal is, and I said I don't know, because what I want isn't on the menu as an option.

TnT2 rehearsal: not as exhausting as yesterday and we got out by around 8:15-ish out of sheer tired. We finished the end of the show. Sadly, Linda did not allow phones out so I couldn't take decent notes of the funny lines, darn it. We did the entire ending of the show, from the cake cutting, the bouquet and garter toss (I caught it once and yelled at Dominic that didn't necessarily mean I would marry him, Maddy caught it once, I forget who got it the third. Michael claimed he was a single lady and joined both groups.)

Destiny and I briefly met with Sally--she's adding black sashes and black lace fake corset panels (I admit I like that one). I asked about hot pink bling and she said she couldn't find the right shade, which figures. I turned over my dress. Destiny wore hers in and then we had this awkward moment as to what to do about that. She finally went to her car, looted through whatever was in it and created an outfit for herself out of a little sweater and some scarves. Other than having what looked like a WAY high slit up the side, it looked really normal, sexy and great. (I'm amazed she never flashed anyone all night, I would have. There's reasons why I don't wear slits. I also saw a picture of the new cake, in pink and purple.

Mark also showed up with grayed up hair for the night. Destiny smartly brought bug spray and I used it on my arms that have been getting it the last few days.... so instead the bugs got my legs, including where they were covered. Awesome. I look forward to indoor bug-free rehearsal tomorrow.

Notable moments I can recall:

* Again, I feel sorry for Heidi for pretending to be very very drunk for the last hour of the show.

* Jean is unable to do all the running, falling, and brawling she normally does, so that had to be amended.

* Uncle Lui and Grandma Nunzio had a sword fight.

* Mark/Uncle Lui volunteered to let Manny/Tony use his cane to get attention.

* Somehow a mosquito...dragging another mosquito or some fuzz or something....was flying across the floor, much to Greg's delight. I think Mark finally smashed it with the cane.

* We suggested that "All The Single Ladies" (more Beyonce) play during the bouquet toss.

* Maddy has another stripping number and Uncle Lui had his ones out. William: "I wanna see Father Mark strip." He also yelled out at Bridget/Loretta to strip and she flipped him the bird.

* Michael is supposed to photobomb the last photo as Tiny and Tony flee.

* We are ending with Vinnie singing "Sweet Caroline" and random dancing, which is kinda new.

We may or may not have rehearsal Sunday out of sheer exhaustion/Linda griping to a friend and she suggested we take the day off (also I guess several people are missing). Dress rehearsal won't be until next Wednesday/Thursday.

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