I went to bed at 8 p.m., woke up after 4 a.m., went back to trying to sleep from 6:30-8 or so. Bed rotting it is!!!! Dreamt about Scott again too, sigh.

Circa 10 am. I had to go get the new pool key from the on-site manager...who was still wandering around in her underwear. Awkward! Oh well. After that, I decided to get some exercise while it was still relatively cool out and walked through the Farmers Market, went to Boheme and found some costumes for the show (texted Linda, she said to get 'em), wandered around through town idly flipping through things, tried more thrift stores, texted Linda more photos and she said to hold off....sigh.

Mom and I are still debating what to do about Woodminster, but at least the phone conversations when she called today were short. She was more concerned with ordering me random sandals, for some reason. I said technically I can make July, definitely can't make August, June we are still arguing about.

Ashley and Rae want me to go to Pride. Same as last year. I keep saying no. I'm not gay. I'm not bi. I'm not even a tiny bit bi (and god knows I tried, I wish I could swing that way, but I don't find ladies sexy below the neck and I don't want to put my mouth on their genitals). I do not qualify as any flavor of non-straight, not even asexual. I'm yet another shitty cisgender heterosexual woman. I do not want to be a shitty cisgender heterosexual person who invades the safe space of gayness again. Why do I have to keep explaining this to people? Sigh.

Anyway, they are going to Pride instead of karaoke, so I piddled about on my patio on the computer, did a bunch of divination, and worked on programming my lines into a rehearsal app. I read up on "date me" Google docs and wrote one of my own, albeit I don't know what I'd do with it exactly. Feels like maybe there needs to be a place to post stuff like that...?

Scott posted to FB that after last week's cold/laryngitis, he is having slow recovery and unable to hit high notes for Sweeney Todd, and he's kind of freaking out about whether or not he'll be ok in 3 weeks for the show. He asked the singers how long it takes your voice to return. I was going to keep my damn mouth shut, but didn't and said to get friar's balsam and ask Morgan for tips on straws (which she then did). He didn't respond to that one, I didn't post a "care" emoji. People are telling him to go on vocal rest, which uh, might be a problem given his job. Apparently he can still talk like Gollum though, so....yeah, I think I'm fine with missing that experience.

I thought, "I wouldn't even be able to talk to him if I saw him," not that I can anyway...I definitely thought, "Let me run down there with my stash of friar's balsam and my extra singing straw," then NOPE, LET HIM TAKE CARE OF HIS OWN SHIT, HE DOESN'T WANT MY CARE. Then I started thinking, what if I said what I want to say to him and he can't speak back....oh, for fuck's sake, Jennifer, stop it.

GOD I MISS HIM BUT NOTHING REALLY WORKS, DOES IT. Been trying to distract myself from this shit all day. Worked for awhile. I'm tired of low/no contact, but also I'm never, ever going to get what I want out of the so-called friendship and there is no point in trying with someone who finds me repulsive.

Final note: Ashley called before going to bed and she said her dog was trying to dig on the bed, and I said something like, well, dogs probably think we do weird things too, like "Why don't humans sniff each other's butts?" then said good night, and she's all, "We're going to end on that?" Yes, yes, we are.

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