Chaos Attraction

In Which Sarah Finds Out Everything

2020-01-22, 11:09 p.m.

This is going down as one of the more memorable nights of my life.

Redhead Sarah and I got together for dinner tonight after she got out of therapy. I was waiting in my car for her to get out and I was staring at this...giant panda (presumably there’s someone in a panda suit) standing around in front of a Chinese restaurant and being Very Animated at people. It also turned out to have a fan in its behind, I shit you not. We both considered eating in said restaurant, but knew we’d have to deal with the panda, we were both kind of terrified of the panda, so we went into the pizza joint instead. This worked out excellently for hanging out for hours, as they have really upgraded that restaurant since I was last in there in like, college or whatever.

Also, this is a very weird kinky pizza joint because they had various vending machines with several sets of toy handcuffs(!), switchblades(!), whoopie cushions, tiny “guns ‘n grenades,” and “poopie emoji jewelry” (WHY is anyone into this?!). Sarah and I got stuff out of some of them. She tried for the handcuffs and never got any, but we both got the ah, “tramp stamp tattoos” we both wanted. Ahem.

I also found out the hot goss about what the hell has gone on with Matthew... well, it seems to boil down to “he started acting like a weird jerk, doing strange things, he left his last ex to pay the rent on his house, his mom moved to Redding, and he’s run off somewhere with his fiancee and who the hell knows where he is.” Daaaaaaaaaaaamn. Hence the ah, not being around at karaoke lately nor is he expected to be returning, I guess. We are fortunate to have Jim (though uh, see below).

I am disappointed to find out that Matthew was that level of jerk. I thought he was very nice until well, the end. I guess he has some of those fun mental health issues that cause one to get erratic out of nowhere and make some bad life choices. Sarah said that showing up in the tube costume and singing “Fuck You” was the best thing she’s ever done. She also had a HILARIOUS photo from the night (I guess Sarajean took it?) of her in the outfit and Matthew’s priceless expression at the whole thing. Odds are that this is the last we've seen of him...

I also found out that Shirley hasn’t been around because he banned her from his shows after (at another place he used to work at) she tried to force others to sing and he is against that sort of thing, Well, that explains where she’s gone, I guess.

In other news, Sarah had breakfast with Robert today and there was more drama:

(a) Sarah had some complaints about the bartender who’s been closing down the bar on us early (mostly just being kind of a rude jerk stuff, not sexual harassment), which she posted on the Internet, which caused some alarm with bar management, and she thinks that guy has been fired and they did offer her a gift certificate. I would be fine with this because while he hasn’t been rude to me per se, I can’t say I really like the dude and he is kinda grumpy and also I disagree with early bar closing.

But even worse:

(b) Robert heard that karaoke is being discontinued because “it’s not making any money.” (On Jim’s birthday, no less!?). I admit there has certainly been grumbling about this from that bartender when we’ve been there, but also, it’s winter, what do you expect? Of course shit slows down in winter. It was hopping most of the time when it wasn’t winter. I don’t know if it’s been officially announced or if Jim knows or if this last week was the last night or what.

I wonder what Walt, who is (so I’m told?) the landlord of the building, thinks about this? Does he have any sway about it?

Thankfully, Robert and Sarah have been brainstorming options:
(a) Have Jim offer to do shows but at a lower rate (he does have a day job, after all).
(b) Have Jim just throw karaoke parties at his house, which I totally think he’d do. We have a replacement DJ here, I’ve seen his house so he’s got the equipment, and Sarah said Doris has also done DJ’ing before.
(c) Sarah knew of a place in this shopping center we were in that had karaoke booths you could rent out, we went and looked in the window after dinner.
(d) Go to G Street Wunderbar, which has karaoke twice a week (Laurel coincidentally mentioned this yesterday as well).
(e) Start a bowling league. Though I pointed out that this may be an issue when a lot of people are perennially cast in plays and thus can’t get over there till 9:30, and the convenience of this bar was that it was down the street from the theater area. We’ll have to think on that one.

So...there are hopefully replacement plans in place so we don’t lose the activity/friend group/excuse to hang out. I hope. I assume I or someone else will need to reactivate karaoke text to discuss options if this is made official. I checked their Facebook (god help me, but I don’t have to log into it to see) and their webpage and they haven’t removed karaoke from it, so...fingers crossed this is just a rumor or something. I’m not sure how Robert heard about it, come to think of it.

We also discussed having some kind of witchy woman gathering (call it a “Witch n’ Bitch?”) at some point, I said I’d like to invite Hannah, maybe our other temp coworker Adriana (who seems witchy) if it goes on. Dunno if they’d go, but they could be into it.

Okay, stop stalling, on to the juicy stuff. I would like to note at this point while I’m trying to write this, I feel compelled to stall around on the Internet, reheat fries from dinner, what have you....

I wanted to talk to Sarah about the Wendy psychic thing* and get another witchy perspective, but that led me to the issue of (a) I haven’t told anyone in this friend group about the crush and (b) frankly, I felt like I literally couldn’t say anything about it. (Nor is it a great idea to? I dunno. I just don’t want it to get around the rumor mill if nothing is going to happen.) So this led to some challenges and me being all, “I can’t actually like, SAY anything because I can’t get the words out, but there’s a guy...”

* I emailed Meg but she was out of town--I did hear back from her tonight and she was all, you get to love people as much as you want.

“Is it someone I know? If I say who I think it is....?”

Yep, she guessed it. I headbanged on the table there. She is already shipping it and thinks it’s cute. I was all, “is it that obvious to everybody?” and she said not unless they already knew me, no. (I admitted that I think Robert knows and if she wants to discuss it with him, or her roommate, then fine.) Anyway, she thinks it’s very cute and I told her all the shit: the lack of ping, assuming he wasn’t interested, the night where he freaked out, her birthday party, syncronicity stuff all over the place, the accidental kiss, the funeral, the joys of everyone shipping him and Cameron during Coney Island (“that must have been awful!” Oh lord, yes), When You Say Nothing At All, the gifting, Freddie Mercury, last night, etc. etc. etc.

We discussed whether or not Wendy the psychic is right, Sarah’s theory was that this is the prediction if you do nothing that it might take three years, but if something changes, could be different. We also discussed whether or not he’d freak out if I asked him out or not, how women have it drilled into them to not freak a dude out by being Too Much, how I have a complex about being “too smothery” after the commitmentphobe college ex, whether or not to ask someone else out if you’re not sexually attracted to them just as a method of attempting to move on and how I can’t do it, how both of us clearly don’t think Cameron can have the feels for him back and how I suspect she has the same pickiness issues I do, whether or not making a list of what you want in a guy works and is a thing to do, age differences and whether or not this is an issue or not (also we agreed that we’d love to hear how Robert and Janene got together but can’t really think of a way to ask without it being weird), dating someone who isn’t a member of the Weird Things Happen To Me Club who doesn’t believe in this stuff and yet it happens to us and whether or not it is likely to spread to him if he hangs around me longer....

Oh, and Ana and Greg from TnT got engaged! We wonder if a mosquito was involved at any point in time during the proposal (he’s a mosquito expert).

Anyway...didn’t really come to a conclusion as to whether or not he’d freak if I asked him out or not. Nobody’s sure there. How will I know? Uh, if there’s a ping, or if he says he would be, or...I dunno on a third option. She thinks he might not freak out, but I’m unsure, and also brainwashed from years of female cultural conditioning about being Too Much, so what do I know. But as we were talking outside of our cars tonight, she started yelling, “Ping! Ping ping ping ping ping!!!!” I was all, what, did you get one? and she was all, no, but I’m hopeful. Well, something like that, anyway.’s out, the geas is off, the beans are spilled to one person, WHEW.

We shall see what happens from here...

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