(This entry was written during the course of a loooong wait.)

I hate waiting around for phone calls.

It�s one thing to vaguely know that there is the possibility of a phone call coming at some point when it comes to interviews. It�s quite another to know one�s supposed to come TODAY and be stuck waiting for it and wondering if the phone call will come if you make a two-minute trip to the bathroom. Or if I listen to Cary Tennis�s rant on Salon for five minutes, will they call THEN and then I�ll be juggling the phone and trying to shut off the rant and I�ll have to pick up on the fourth ring and the noise�ll still be going and then they�ll hear it... Okay, that didn�t happen, but despite my not drinking a whole lot today, the bathroom is starting to become an issue. And now Hill�s home and BLASTING heavy metal throughout the entire apartment. The walls are shaking. Of course, I still haven�t heard from them yet, so I guess it doesn�t matter, huh?

This is the kind of thing I don�t miss about reporting, folks.

So I did another tarot card reading today and came up with ... not so good. Delays, a few bad cards, a few good cards. The hell? They�ve been coming up with financial independence and happiness and new goals shit for a week, and now it�s lack of financial independence and worries, but new goals combined? Gah.

The more I wait, the more I am convinced that I won�t get the job. Never mind that I have rave references and dressed up and did my hair and blah blah blah, someone out there HAS to be better than I am for it. Someone has to be better than I am for a little bitty temporary job. Which is damn sad, when you think about my job-hunting future. ("Doublemeat Palace... Doublemeat Palace...") At this point I feel like "Come on, break me the bad news already so I can move on with my life and start applying for other jobs." (If they�re still deciding right now I may choke.)

Mainly, I just hate waiting. It won�t kill me to lose this job, but suspense sucks. I haven�t minded waiting on the days I knew I wouldn�t hear something, but today I�m all ants in the pants.

It does get hard to get motivated to do job searching after awhile. I go through phases when I�m all in that mode, that I�ll look all over the Internet for positions, etc... and then again, I have phases like right now, where I haven�t even LOOKED at the Bee or my former employer�s ads in two weeks. I�ve been way preoccupied with this one to care about hunting for other possibilities, but if I was being all rational about things, I�d still be looking in the papers instead of just at UCD�s listings.

And when the phone rang at 3:30, it was for Hill. She got an interview for Friday.

I, on the other hand, got the reject call at 4:30, right when I had figured they were just gonna do the "no call in lieu of formal rejection" thing.

Gah.

A little bitty temporary data entry position that I dressed up and sweated bullets about for a week and begged people to give me happy references about and actually had something to do with my interests, and I still didn�t get it. How pathetic am I? How am I supposed to get jobs in areas where I�m even LESS qualified than I was for this one and that more people have heard of? Can I even GET a job if more than one person is applying for it? (Hell, that�s about all I ran into at the paper.)

Okay, okay, I know. At least this way I can look for permanent jobs right now instead of later. At least I�d be free for a temp job, should I ever be called for one. I will be okay tomorrow, honest.

But for right now, ugh. I�m not looking forward to the obligatory phone call to Mom tonight (she sent me a snippy e-mail saying that she had NO IDEA what was going on, since it had been SO LONG since we talked. Four days, and NOTHING went on in those four days!), or breaking the news to my references (I may just not tell them), or to Shawn, who�s waving a fat gift certificate to the most expensive joint in town around at me. Ugh. Can't deal.

And Hill�s wanting to go add up how much both of us owe on bills tonight (I pay the phone, she pays the rent usually), and I know I�m going to end up having to pay her a ton of money because the heat costs more than the few phone calls she makes. I can�t even FIND two of the bills from this summer. Crap oh crap oh crap. I can�t AFFORD to pay her back and pay rent month after month here when I can't get employment.

The one piece of personal good news today: my cousin Tammy had a baby girl, Jessica. Phew. I was hoping she�d have a girl, since supposedly it�ll be her last pregnancy and boys run in his family.

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