Chaos Attraction

Drama Llama Day

2020-01-31, 11:27 p.m.

Last day of January, thank fucking god. Everyone is out of mojo.

I got “in trouble” for posting one comment to the general Slack channel at work, like two weeks ago, because I wasn’t 100% working at work. I like my supervisor otherwise, mind you, but ARE YOU SHITTING ME WITH THIS?!?! What the heck does she think every other person on the damn channel is doing?! It took what, five seconds to make a comment? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Humans are gonna be human. They may yawn. They may be tired. They may make ONE comment online once in a while. Stuff happens. It’s not going to kill you.

So now I’m not "allowed" to use non-work Slack channels at work, apparently, because I Am Being Watched. FFS. So sorry I don’t spend every single goddamned blessed second doing nothing but working at work, but if I don’t look at something else for a few seconds or a few minutes periodically, I may just start screaming at the top of my lungs, and nobody wants that. Also, guess what, my work somehow still gets done anyway. I had nothing left that I needed to do at the end of the day, and that’s including the “Hey, go fix this RIGHT NOW” shit that dropped at 4:50 p.m.

Today’s anti-affirmation calendar had a drama llama on it, which my coworkers appreciated, though we continued to have a drama day anyway, of course. I sent this photo to Scott, who called it magnificent.

In another chapter of The Joys Of International Delivery, our shipper contacted me saying I didn’t ship an important document. To which I was all, yes, I did it last week, I have an eyewitness even, and they were all “Our records show that you printed the label yesterday.” Which I did not. Unfortunately, nobody else has access to the thing, so fuck if I know. Really, shouldn’t someone be contacting the shipping company at this point? But since anything involving me is my fault/responsibility even if I didn’t actually DO anything, I apologized once again because it’s not like I can argue with their records, right? (Or more like, I just did and it didn’t work.) In the end, I said I’d reorder yet another one and they said they’d contact the shipping company, which is what they should have done in the first place. Grr, argh.

We found out that yes, Lioness has both grandchildren and won’t be back until god knows when because it’s not like you can get daycare for a 2 week old. Of course. That is always how things go here.

I did make a joke to Tigress today that between her and Lioness, what kind of cat does that make me in the Cat House office? Housecat? Then I thought, if I ever get together with Scott, that would make me the cougar. *facepalm* Yeah, right on that last one though.

I had our temp with the dog do some proofreading for me and she got quite furious at the amount of errors that department sends over. Like, “how does Jen put up with this?” (Me: “I have no choice?”) Especially since her husband works there, so I guess she gave him holy hell over it. So I did some talking to him about corrections there, ahem.

I also talked to Grandboss today about tech stuff and had the usual sort of “this stuff will be fixed eventually....” conversation, which made me go at one point, “I’ve been here for almost 18 years and things still aren’t fixed.” Sorry, but I don’t carry around unreasonable hope in my heart for shit that there is no remote sign of it going well for. Fine, you don’t want me to say never, but as an ex of mine said once about us getting back together, the chances are microscopically infinitesimal. I also got told essentially that I’m so low on the ladder that I can never learn a particular useful tech skill, so that’s a joy.

Likewise, while talking with the coworker’s husband, he was all “this is insane, there’s gotta be a better way!” and I was all, “that would require support from other offices.”

So yeah, I’m sick of work, but at least I don’t have to go back for two days.

In non-work news, I signed up for auditions with Bike City Theatre, which is having general auditions in a few weeks (and I saw that Janene also signed up). You have to do a monologue, a song (well, I won’t be doing that) and either recite or sing the alphabet or quote the terrible Anakin Skywalker line about sand. Uh-huh. So I need to figure out which monologue. Probably either the Tassie monologue I did in class a while back, or my other favorite, Cynthia Heimel’s “Act like Myrna Loy” one unless I come across something else. I’ll need to actually work on memorizing that, or memorizing that again, whichever. I emailed Melinda asking which, but who knows there.

I also saw a listing for some Sacramento-ish theater doing The Sound Of Music auditions in March, which I might do as practice for the Winters show since they do not seem to have as stringent song audition requirements as most other people. It sounds like that show has enough extra roles for me to get into it in Winters, at least.

I also started listening to the “By The Book” podcast and their episode on The Secret. Much to my amusement, their verdict is worked. One of them was wishing they’d find someone to speak Japanese with and did, another one won some free cruise. Then one of them’s husband lost her job and she was in a rage because The Secret supposedly says something or other about bad crap coming upon you if you do bad crap (note: I’ve skimmed the book, I don’t exactly recall this) and her husband is a gem who never did anything wrong at work so that’s awful....and then immediately her husband got a bunch of people calling him with job offers and he’s in a new job he likes better than the crap one that laid him off. And the less hippie one (Kristen?) told her friend (Jolenta?) that her friend had been in a better mood for those two weeks, so she’d recommend it.


At the end of the day, I also listened to the “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” podcast, which was just as “bleeeech, this shit sucks” as I expected, even though one of them liked talking shit out with her husband or something. My college ex cited that book at me about wanting to go hide in his cave and it pissed me off back in the day, mostly because I suspected he would not come back from it--and of course, I was right there. And I continue to have issues with the word “space” to this day. These ladies pointed out that this is basically sexist shit in which the man can disappear and do whatever he wants and the woman can’t ever object to it. Hear, hear. Also, John Gray has a diploma mill diploma.

Well, I needed to do something tonight and since I couldn’t get anyone else to go along with me to anything, I went alone to the Sacramento storytelling, which I haven’t been to since like, June or something. Been in shows or out of town every last Friday of the month since. It was entertaining. Hearts were handed out tonight (yup, that’s still going in my life).

Moments from the show:

* Mary trying to get people to shut up, saying that we’d wait. Someone said “we’re gonna wait until we’re old and gray” (note: I was the youngest there by at least 20 years) and someone else said, “That happened fast!”

* Someone suggested that you propose marriage to someone on February 29. “Anybody wants to marry somebody--” “Once was enough.”

The first speaker was a lady named Kelly, who read letters from her parents. This was hilarious because her dad was very schmoopy romantic in every single letter. It was like, “Dearest Betsy, why do you go out with other guys when I’m not here? So jealous. We should get married someday. I love patting your bottom.” (The man was obsessed with ass.) Then she’d write him back THE WORLD’S MOST BORING LETTERS. Like “Dearest Dennis, I went to the grocery store today and bought eggs, milk, lettuce, tomatoes, sauerkraut, ice cream, hot dog buns, steak, salt, pepper, and ketchup.” It’d be these long lists of BORING errands or people she visited or something and other than the “dearest,” NOTHING about all the schmoopy that guy was writing her. I couldn’t help but think of Hamilton complaining that Eliza (a.k.a. Betsey as well....) never wrote enough for him. This was even worse!

Someone in the audience behind me was all, “She’s clingy, huh?” and I was all, “If that lady’s clingy, then I’m a barnacle.” Someone else said, “playing hard to get.”

Sample quotes from dad: “Let’s get married so I can pat your bottom legally.” and “It’s evident that you need a spanking.”

Gina told the story of how her parents ran at the 1930’s LA Olympics... as a protest. “As for me, I like to say I never got charged for any crime!”

Vicki put on a black hat with a patriotic scarf to read her political poem, and then put on a paper crown to read a tell off poem about Trump, to the tune of “Mr. Grinch.” “Is my hair all messed up now?” “Yes,” Mary said. Sample line from that: “You will probably go to eleven...worth, that is!”

Mary on Vicki: “And she doesn’t have any problem with self-esteem at all.”

Mary and Corrine did a team story playing two Russian(?) sisters telling the story of St. Valentine and how he’d marry soldiers so they’d be ineligible for the draft. Because everyone assumed that a soldier getting laid couldn’t fight. Ah, romance! (Hence the hearts being passed out.) Sample line: “The truth we tell is better than the truth!” Also, at one point one of them said, “The turd ...something,” and the other said “The turd?” and the first one said, “No one liked doing the H.”

After that, I went out to dessert with everyone and had an exquisite hibiscus and frangipani tart that was delicious and amazing and turned out to be $12 so that’s a bit much...but had fun conversations at the table anyway.

On the way over, I was listening to “Come Sail Away” by Styx. I dunno if I’ve EVER listened to the full song before--traffic was really long and slow, y’all...but that song changes modes and tempos and stuff enough times to make me wonder if this was like, their equivalent of “Bohemian Rhapsody” or something. So yeah, I texted that as a question to Scott (he says no) and then off and on texted him through the night on song and movie trivia, so yay there. And then on my way home I was behind a car with the license plate RAMI ROC, so...hilarious. I did tell him this afterwards, as well as sending him the STYXLVR license plate I saw a while back.

So good for me on that one.

I think I'm gonna stay awake till midnight and yell at January to go fuck itself and by all means, let the door hit it in the ass on the way out!

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