Chaos Attraction

When A Love's Not Around

2021-02-14, 9:53 p.m.

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Cast list as of November 2019

Title comes from this.

It's a bleah kind of day. Robert texted me last night that he got in the Winters Valentine's Day show, which I am still moping that I wasn't even asked to do. I was going to go bed early last night and then after that I could not actually sleep. I was up till 3 a.m. and then only slept about 3 hours after that. Bleah. In the morning I drove the car enough to keep it alive, got gas, and got the car washed. However, the damn car wash didn't get ANY of the poops/berries/whatever the hell has landed all over it, so I was trying to manually clean it off at the gas station. Bleech. I dragged myself out onto the patio later to make myself walk around, but it was chilly and gray and then drops started coming down, so never mind there. That's fine, I do not have the energy for it.

I am Not In The Mood today, mind you. I saw a lot of signs today while out driving (license plates, signs, balloons, etc. but it is VD today, so what do you expect. Well, disappointment, I guess, there's always that. Normally I'd be out of town happily distracted this weekend, but... can't. I'm making myself brownies and breaking out the chocolate wine again. This brownie brand, whatever it was, did not come out great. I literally threw away brownies because I don't want to eat them and I can't pass them to anyone else.

Meg sent me a Valentine with a felt heart in it, Mom sent a cool card as well. There's something.

Collage club was my saving grace of the day. It went pretty long with people wandering in and out. Meg sent Doreen a shawlter to match everyone else's and we had a little virtual ceremony about it. Otherwise just mostly hung out and chatted and crafted, the usual.

Maybe I have hit "the wall" because I am just sick of it all, you know? We're talking about manifesting stuff and nothing like that's working for me right now. Didn't even get invited to audition for one thing, come on. Meg swears by writing out some kind of letter of manifestation and then nitpicking the levels of positivity in it, Sarah Brown did same later on, and meanwhile I am all "Is my vision board a lie? Because I thought I was supposed to be putting things I wanted on it and... nothing's happening." Of course, it is winter and everything sucks in winter and nothing much happens, especially this year, so what do you expect.

Fun spiritual experiences people mentioned:
* Meg mentioned finding a random angel card in her bed. I was all "I found a random guitar pick on the floor," but perhaps with me that is less random and more of being a slob.
* Sarah said that her grandfather had a dream two years into Meg's original "just friends" acquaintance with her husband that she was going to marry him. Meg at the time was all, "You sure it's THAT Steven, not one of the other ones I know?" God, why can't I ever get anything like that?

Doreen is getting her first shot tomorrow. Jackie's grandmother is in the hospital still, not doing well.

Tonight's viewing: more Mardi Gras stuff, SNL. I am so bored and nothing is very interesting to me to do right now and I am not actually sleepy. Everything is blah.

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