Stressed out all day. Answering emails all day. Three of the things I need to have working keeled over and died and only one got fixed. Boss wants to have a one-on-one with me as to how I am doing and I DO NOT WANT TO. I am NOT DOING WELL but I can’t say so or else I will get in more trouble. They want to ship me a webcam and I do NOT want them to physically see how I am doing and feeling because I will get in trouble. (And really, it’s not like anyone can do anything for me anyway if I say no, I’m NOT OKAY, right? They wouldn’t before and god knows they won’t now.) I already got in trouble because Tigress called while I was in full stressout and I’m sure she probably insta-reported it to the boss that I wasn’t available to do whatever the hell it was she wanted at the time. And then at the end of the day I got told that I have to document every single thing I do IN GREAT DETAIL, INCLUDING GREAT DETAIL OVER EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED EMAIL. Oh, and hey, it’s time for performance evaluations! Please get those done soon!

Maybe I should just go out and catch some coronavirus, because death is the only way out of this situation. I’ll go outside and find a nice bus pole of death to lick, what do you think? Though really, that would be the 2020 equivalent of Ethan Frome dumbass attempted suicide.

I do not want to have a one on one to talk about how I am feeling. I cannot deliver “fine” as an answer right now. I can’t sell it. I can’t act it. I can’t be honest and say that I’m not either. I don’t know what I am going to fucking do on my three fucking conference calls per day.

On the subject of “fine.”

Back to Arne and Carlos: Arne’s cough is better, thank goodness.

“If you think we’re strange, you’re right. This is how we are.” Arne on today’s podcast.

Note: I found myself watching some video of theirs and thinking, "I am watching a video of two old gay Norwegian men playing with a dollhouse. This has become my life. "

Today’s pattern was a “hippie flower.” I did it in rainbow yarn. It took like 4 hours.

I need to stop watching goddamn hippie videos. I got vaguely caught up in the possibility of some “life coach” lady’s love life and then attempted to watch her other videos to find out if she EVER got together with this guy (note: she’s selling a romance advice book so I wanted to see if she practiced what she preached) and she practically never mentioned it and was SO PERKY and at some point I watched her predictions for 2020 and just started growling.... I need to find something else to do.

Heard from Jess (who is annoyed at TP extortionists) and Loretta (fine but feeling stir crazy in her apartment and has lack of attention span)and Meg (still fine, still spinning). Mom is having a very nice time of life except she can’t figure out how to braid her own hair. NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL, I said to that. Jackie texted me amusing memes, which helped.

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