I hate Mother's Day this year.

After weeks of planning activities and presents to give Mom and spending this whole weekend in town just to see her today- she's not coming. Too tired after vacation, she said. Well, I understand that, but you knew you'd be tired after your vacation weeks ago, when it was your idea to come up here. Shouldn't you have planned for that first? Now I'm feeling all frustrated after the work I've done. Hill was pretty pissy too and couldn't believe she did that to me. I'm still in shock myself.

Okay, I may be being too harsh on her. I understand being tired perfectly well, but I am disappointed. Apparently vacation was pretty crappy for her, other than seeing Clint Eastwood in a restaurant. Dad refused to do much of anything and kept screaming at her to boot. I felt so sorry for her I wanted to cry. My poor mommy, getting treated like that by her own husband. It's so wrong. Anyway, the bad vacation bit may have had something to do with this. And listening to Hill and her mom fighting after 45 seconds of her mom being here, maybe it's a good thing Mom's not here. (Of course, we're fighting within 15 seconds of Mom's arrival here on any given trip...)

As for the wedding dilemma, when the subject came up she said something like "I'm pretty much expecting you not to go." I filled her in and like me, she was horrified at the idea of begging for an invite. Apparently she used to try to do this with her coworker's kids' weddings and someone finally told her she can't do that. Plus she had a cow about "where would he stay? The two of you can't fit in your bed" (interesting way to put it, Mom, especially since you have to suspect he fits into my equally small bed up here from time to time) "and the guest bedroom's filled." I'm all "Yeah, I know, I told him that," and she had a cow that he knew she was a bad housekeeper. Hell, I figure he'd better be warned. I told her he was feeling sick and injured lately and she said she hoped he was feeling better. Oddly enough, she thought that Dad had a similar condition to Dave's (according to Dave, no, it's not, even though it's the same organ affected). I made an amusing comment along the lines of "I thought all men did that." Anyway, I'm not going to go to the wedding now. So we're even on canceling :P

Dave had asked me to see if they could come up here for a visit on Sunday. I asked, and she said "We have to take your aunt to a show your uncle is in." And THAT, folks, is when I began to get suspicious about how much Mom wanted to meet him. Because (a) Auntie D can drive, and as far as I know has often driven herself to his shows, (b) my uncle's choral shows are at night, and (c) this precludes them from coming up for lunch?

And I started thinking about things. When I was with the ex, Mom was DEMANDING that she get to meet him. I didn't want to introduce them at all, mind you, it was HER insisting. And now it's the other way around, and she keeps putting it off. She claims that a meeting will happen sometime. Uh, yeah, when?

I have no idea if she has any idea how serious this might be, though me actually WANTING to introduce a fella to her might be a hint. I suspect she's trying to delay as much as she can. And what the hell am I supposed to do about that?

No wonder I dread telling her. The way she's acting, it may be stabbing her through the heart to tell her.

Everyone else is all excited and delighted about Mother's Day and is off with their mom now and writing entries about "Yay Mom! My mom rocks!" this year, and well... I'm not. And it hurts like hell to have things be like that.

Update, 12:30 p.m.: Dave called while on break. Lord, we can't get off the subject of mothers. Ironically before this came up I was surfing wedding sites again (I'm (a) really bored, (b) nobody's on chat because they're all with their moms, and (c) I'm putting off doing job applications.) and had about five minutes earlier been reading a discussion on whether or not to call the in-laws Mom and Dad. I'm reading this and thinking exactly what came up in the discussion:

Him: "Mom doesn't like her first name (which is the same as my ex-boss, so in all honesty I would be weirded out calling her by that too), and you do have to call her SOMETHING at some point besides 'Hey, you,', and she'd be over the moon if you called her Mom."

Me: "My mom would probably go ballistic if I called someone else that."

Him: "Well, what if I called your mom Mom?"

Me: "I have no idea, really. We've never discussed it. An ex of mine called her Mom and she always seemed kinda weirded out by it, in an amused way."

He suspects what Mom's pulling like I do, and it's bugging him. He figures she knows or at least suspects what's up with us. Hell, if he gets a license/car we may end up driving to Liverbore to surprise them after all. I really don't bloody know what to tell him about this. He was all "What would happen if you just told her what was going on?" She'd explode? Not good! I don't want to be that cruel and dump the bomb on her without any preparation at all, and I hopefully won't- unless she pisses me off so badly that I blurt it out in the middle of a big fight, which in all honesty just might happen if she makes me snap enough to lose control.

I don't want to be mean! I don't want to hurt her so badly! I can't stand myself if I do that! I don't WANT it to be that I can't have my own life without hurting her. I hate that she's put me into this position. And people wonder why I fear being a parent? What if I turn into my mom and pull this shit on my daughter right back? Hell, if my daughter said she was engaged after a few months and I hadn't met the guy, I'd probably kill her. Ah, the irony.

Update: 3 p.m.: After Hill and her mom left, I did the call to Mom. And surprisingly, it went really, really well. I er, guilted her about not being here, she apologized a lot, etc. I asked her about the Auntie D ride thing next Sunday and she said that his show is at 2 p.m. and right after that he and my cousin are driving up to pick up Grandma. Okay, I guess that's understandable. She also said some nice stuff about how she was happy I have Dave. I'm feeling better.

previous entry - next entry
archives - current entry