It was announced today that we'll have to come into work at least twice a week, because "it's too hard" to only have one adult in the building. This is where I got the feeling that we're all going to have to come back to work full time in person every day, regardless of whatever bullshit is said about flexible schedules. They did say "that would be easier." As per my usual, lower my hopes to the floor with these people.

Lioness was all excited about the schedule she drew up last week and she was very openly unhappy about hearing this. Was all "I'm willing to volunteer to come in three times a week, I don't want to look for another job, I'm very happy here, but the commute, you know?" (I should probably clarify that she's been having to raise her very young grandchildren since January 2020 and hasn't been physically doing the regular job commute with small children added on this entire time.) However, I know Lioness has had the same problems I have had with regards to finding another job--i.e. nobody else wants her either, even though she's better than I am. So yeah, good luck with THAT.

For all the crap about how we should speak up and offer suggestions, I don't think it's a good idea. It occurred to me that just like all the younger assistants, they'll just have to reshuffle us and draw up a new schedule every dang week because of when people go on vacation.. But if I say that? It won't go well. So I shut up. That's all I have to say about work.

Therapy: more of me whining about work, more inner child stuff again. I get so tired of being a bad person because of my job. Specifically because of my job. "You're not a bad person," my shrink said. "But I am in their eyes and that's all that matters because the job keeps me alive," I say, repeatedly. Everyone else loves customer service, it makes me wish for death. I don't fit what they want. She said that we get angry clientele and I'm not the problem, it's the demands and the lack of boundaries. True there.

If I had ever been able to find another job where I fit better....but I never have, and at this point I'd much rather think about something else after 5 p.m. rather than job hunting. (Seriously, I have been ignoring job finder emails for years because I hated all the jobs they found! They just route into a folder I ignore. Yes, I only remembered this today and those notifications are still going.)

Really, the inner child keeps whining that it wants to be a shiny star, and outside of work only isn't cutting it, but I can't please it, so I'm mad at it.

Tonight I watched another comedy show with that professor (and her class).

Quotes: "Welcome to the shitshow." "My mother is texting me her laughter." "If you're going to get your panties in a wad if anyone says fuck or pussy, you should probably leave right now." "These kids finally get to be themselves." "We're comedians, so we're whores."

The professor said that in the past, you could be friends with/date a Republican. The kids laughed. What's a libertarian? A Republican except they don't even pretend to give a shit about other people. Despite her saying on dating apps she wants another liberal, Republicans message her all the time to tell her she's wrong. "As soon as they mansplain me, my pussy dries up." "I'm gonna be all sandpapery down there for the rest of the day." "Teacher evals are about as much fun to read as Republicans on dating sites." Someone complained that her class adds nothing to her life and didn't teach her how to survive. "What did she think Introduction to Literature was?" "You know if I taught survival skills, she'd still give me a shitty eval. She showed us how to unblock a cat's urethra." She can't watch Tiger King because it's too much like her upbringing. "I don't need to watch Tiger King because I have home movies." My grandma had a pet deer, "an indoor outdoor deer" who drank beer off the table. Another relative had a pet alligator that lived in the bathtub. Her second ex-stepfather was named Bubba and they had to get a restraining order. "Television is supposed to take your mind off things." "Hi, my name is (redacted) and I'm a swamp person." She says that because it's more flattering than "Florida woman." The only thing worse is Florida man. "They let a Florida woman teach?" "Florida woman refers to her vagina as a private hot tub in front of her students and their parents at a final exam." Look, I'm over the platonic friendcrush, I accept and realize it never would have happened and that's all for the best. I probably would have been too needy and clingy with someone who's very busy, to be honest. But I gotta admire her work.

Next up: guy who refuses to give social media his gender/age because then he gets totally random advertising, and he gets offended if they assume he's a man. After he makes cracks about sex and a sex swing, "my parents now regret coming to the show." "Everyone lower your standards, please!" "Let me get it off my chest: I'm a white girl. So I was at Starbucks the other day..." "Coffee makes everyone's asshole ignite." "White people give their kids the worst names." Like "Tiffany with the ph and not the f." (Totes agree.) "As the kid with the peanut allergy, I controlled the room like the Mafia." "Sirens are always blaring when I hit the dance floor and I'm starting to figure out why." "I've been (name redacted) and it's been a pleasure to share my social anxiety with you."

This one girl did an especially good job: On being a military brat. "I basically traded my dad for health care and benefits." "Instead of hugging my dad, I get two bachelor's degrees." "You'd think my daddy issues would ruin my life. You'd be right." She then talked about getting recruited into a Christian cult (they do it by offering to help you move) "Why is an atheist in a Christian cult?" "I invited the whole cult to my 19th birthday party." "He literally made this wine in a bucket in his bedroom! And I drank that shit!" (Someone in the chat: "That's so this town.") I will note this guy used a freshman for her food swipes, disappeared for 30 minutes and came back with 10 meals. Me: "that's so this town." Amazingly, she's still with this guy 3 years later. "I found Jesus with an atheist Asian man who can turn water into wine!"

"Boys have daddy issues too!" Dude talks about shopping for sweats and tries on a pair where his entire genitalia are obvious...which his dad somehow doesn't notice until they are going out to the car. Dad also told him to cheat on everyone he ever dated. "Daddy Problems Club!!!" "I thought I told you, hands off my friends and my friends' parents." "-your 10 year old son driving your tipsy ass home." "I'm (redacted) and I think that daddy issues and alcoholism are funny." (The professor: "that's why standup comedy exists.")

"How's my favorite lesbians?" "Thanks for ruining my set." She then claims that the other girl's Jesus boyfriend hit on her. She's bi and compares ladies to lava cake and guys to old broccoli, so she quit dating men. "This isn't the group therapy Zoom link." "This is something I like to call childhood trauma. Thanks, parents." (Chat: "parent issues is a theme tonight.") "Animals and cars don't really go together."

"You think it's awkward to hear about my pussy, my son's RIGHT THERE."

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