Smackdown topic, Wednesday, June 19:

running away from home

(Sigh... one of those topics I can't say very much about, I'm afraid. Today's title, however, is dedicated to Demma, as it's a fave of hers.)

I never ran away as a kid, though as you've probably guessed, there was certainly the temptation. What stopped me was mainly (a) being unable to sneak out of my house due to its construction and (b) having nowhere to go, since I lived out in the boonies. My bedroom window was hard to open and had a screen on it, and had I even been able to get that open, I would have jumped out and landed right on the rabbit cage. (Ouch! Poor bunny!) After falling off of the cage, slamming into the motorhome parked outside and finally waking up from my concussion, I would have gotten up and had to face a locked garage door and locked back fence. Since climbing isn't my strong suit, I would have pretty much been stuck. And there was nothing but houses and parks for miles anyway.

So running away was never much of a reasonable option for me there. Hell, storming out the front door wasn't much of an option. I always felt trapped.

When I finally "ran away," I was 19 years old and finally heading out to college. It was a sanctioned running away, and I even did it within two hours of home, as per my parents' new requirements after they found out that UCSB would have given me a scholarship. I wasn't particularly bothered by this new requirement, especially since I found out that the fellow I was off-and-on involved with in Santa Barbara at the time was moving back north. It made sense to me that I could come home for weekends or pick up/drop off stuff as needed. And that has been very convenient, especially when I do stupid shit like not have a Social Security card.

In some ways, it has been like "running away" to move up here. It's harder for them to stop me from doing something here, which I enjoy immensely. It's made it harder on them to pull the strings. In other ways, it's like I just have a longer leash. I went home for all those weekends even though I only wanted to come home for one because I felt like I "had" to. The grief I'd get from all those people for not going wasn't worth it. I still feel the urge to please them, and feel bad when I don't.

I know, the leash is my own damn fault at this point, and I need to cut it. Everyone always tells me to move to the other end of the country so I can get away and finally live my own life. I don't want to live back East though, I hear it's cold there and stuff. I wouldn't mind moving to Southern CA- I'd love to, actually- but affordable it sure ain't. And I like the town I'm in now. I don't want to "have" to move away just so I can get some peace, which I find hard to believe I would get anyway. I'd probably just have even higher phone bills.

I dunno, running away just isn't my thing. I don't flee things or people I've had long-term involvements with, no matter how bad it gets. Either the obligation ends or they flee me, and that's it. I don't bail on people. And since my parents aren't going to bail on me either, I guess the struggle will continue.

And speaking of yet more chaotic events going on in my soap-operatic life... (note: check if I added this in on Monday) Scott is apparently recovering nicely from an ear infection at home and will be returning to work Friday.

Oh, and he and Demma got engaged.

Surprise!

Surprise #2: Dave got asked to be best man.

As you probably guessed, it will be a Renaissance wedding, next summer or so, and the men shall wear kilts. Let's hope it ain't breezy out. I predict a LOT of grabbing what's under the kilts will occur. I asked if anyone was going to end up with a ribbon tied on their you-know-whats, and Scott said that you could only have that tied on when single. "But you can have that tied on before the wedding, can't you?" Demma, who's the one who introduced me to that song, laughed her head off. Now I really gotta come up with a Renaissance outfit. Though I am wondering how they're gonna pull off a honeymoon in England... in a castle...

Anyway, I got a call from the couple themselves tonight, and I got the vibe that they might have wanted to come here tomorrow (if I wasn't busy, which I kinda am) or Friday (but I'm leaving to go up there). Demma offered to let Dave and I use her apartment for the weekend, since she'll be gone Friday night and returning Saturday. Yay!

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