Smackdown topic, Thursday, June 20:

the birds-and-bees talk from your parents.

You think we had one? Hah, I certainly don't remember it. I think I learned about sex on the street and/or in sex ed class, and the latter was certainly deficient. I heard more about every month of pregnancy than anything about the act. Oh yeah, and we got to watch cartoon characters groping naked in bed, followed by... well, they had an egg dressed as a bride and a bunch of groom sperm swimming laps, and the winner got out and danced around in a cirle with her, and then they SMASHED themselves together. And that, folks, is how a baby's conceived.

Uh-HUH.

Hey, at least in high school they showed us birth control devices and how to put them on, even if they wouldn't give us freebies.

But that sort of thing was Not Talked About. Dad made dirty jokes, and Mom is, well, prim and proper. Mainly her idea of the talk was to (a) demand to know if I'd lost my virginity yet, (b) yelling at me to use condoms, or (c) sending me some Oprah episode in which they tell you to use condoms. The most in depth we ever got was a very stilted conversation when I was 21 about what the shower head did. Ew, embarrassing.

Forgot to put this in last night, but I told Mom about Demma's engagement. She sounded quite surprised and asked how old Demma was (2 years ahead of me), and wanted to know if there was a ring. She also sounded... a bit disturbed.

This doesn't bode well for me, I fear.

Just to er, prime the pump, I pontificated to her for awhile about how I don't like diamonds, don't think e-rings should be the expensive ones, how wearing two rings is rather ugly, etc. And she made a snarky comment about how people buy diamonds to show off how expensive they were, and how people who "upgrade" their diamonds are rather jerky. She asked if I liked her ring and I said the diamond was nice, but the setting (yes, she got hers soldiered together) wasn't too attractive. She didn't comment on that.

It's so not going to go well when I tell her, is it? I especially feel dumb since after that I found out that Scott's gonna take her dad out to a fancy dinner in September and ask for her hand. Oops, cat out of the bag... I'll have to warn her not to tell.

Sadly, it looks like we won't get to use Demma's apartment this weekend. His work schedule's too damn bad for him to get in that early from another town. Ugh.

The whole company softball team thing is gonna be somewhat of a pain in the ass, I suspect. Batting practice on Friday nights at seven (I get into town between 8:10-8:30 usually), games every Sunday night, start times ranging from 5:30-9. Suffice it to say that getting picked up and dropped off is gonna be a pain. I'm pondering whether or not to just leave town on the really early train that leaves around 4:50 or so if the timing really sucks. Dave's not thrilled about this because he wouldn't get to see me before I left. Even though in all honesty, it's not like he's going to see a whole lot of me Sunday nights now anyway. I feel a slight twinge of selfish snottiness coming on to me- on days he works, I only see him nights, and at least one of them is gonna be gone. Saturday night games wouldn't have been as bad, but Sundays is rather a pain because the time's limited. But on the other hand, I do NOT want to be the kind of girl who bitches about things like this and goes around dictating his activities. Hell, I'm pondering taking glass bead making and metalsmithing this summer anyway (Tuesdays and Wednesday nights till 9:30), so if he was to get time off around those days, he wouldn't get to see me much at all on them, and he's telling me to take them if I want to, so...

We got into a bit of S&D wedding discussion (some of which I may have to fill you in on later), and then I mentioned to him that someone at work had asked when the date was and that I'd said "sometime in winter 2004." At which point he... starts going back and forth on it again! I am so confused, folks. At one point we agreed to the weekend after the date of the handfasting in 2004, then he started going on about wanting to do it earlier. I think his personal ideal (mine too, if it was possible, which it ain't) would be in March 2003. 2004 just isn't that appealing to either of us. But hey, if he wants it on an anniversary, that's when it's gonna have to be. I'm not going to get married and have us be living in different towns if I can avoid it. So then we went back to end of 2003 talk, and he started asking if Hill might want to move out early. I said I had no idea, but I would NOT go kick her out of the house before she was willing to go. He said good, I'd be rethinking the marriage thing if you did.

It certainly does get weird when we have these conversations...

Oh yeah, and I tried AGAIN to buy a phone online. AFTER I'd gone to the bank and had it verified that my address was correct, I had plenty of money in the account, etc. AGAIN, it didn't work, AGAIN I had to call, and AGAIN IT DIDN'T FUCKING WORK! That company HATES me, apparently. I told the chick to delete me from the computer, as I was obviously not meant to get a phone through them.

Now my dad's always had this tendency where he tries to buy a product, and when the company flakes out, he goes nuts. Like when he finally decided to get cable, the cable company he called didn't show up on the appointed day. He then threw a fit and decided that we would NEVER get cable as long as he lived. At the time I thought this was ridiculous- like he couldn't go find another company that was more reliable? And even though I know it's stupid, I'm actually starting to feel that way. Mainly just really fucking frustrated, and I feel so lame for not being able to make a goddamn transaction. I don't have bad credit! I pay my bills! Why doesn't it like me?!

Not to mention that if I go to Radio Shit in town, they don't have the kind of phone I want, and the employees have jerked me around left and right every time I've bought there. I called Dave to bitch and he's now thinking about having someone haul me to the store in his town and buy it there, put the bill in his name (they have a big thing about how everything has to be done in YOUR area code), etc. I think that's gonna be a lot more trouble than this is worth, though.

If I didn't need a phone so badly, I'd just chuck this whole idea, folks.

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