Chaos Attraction

My Horrendous Vacation Recap

2004-06-21, 8:51 p.m.

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At some point, I am going to rewrite this whole godawful event into a story. One that should be sold because it will turn me into the next David Sedaris/Laurie Notaro/person who writes about disaster and relatives and gets a few books out of it. Maybe the notify list will get it.

In the meantime, I'm going to post links to my e-mail posts and phone posts off of the LJ, put in correct order (since they did not post that way).

* June 11: Family bitching in the car and Dad whipping it out at inappropriate times.

* June 12, afternoon: Having a lovely time with my cousin Janelle.

* June 12, night: A dull rest stop, midgets on the television, and a crappy-ass hotel room.

* June 13, morning: Phone post, in which I really bitch about the crappy hotel room and how I can't stand being around my parents already.

* June 13, afternoon: The restaurant fight, in which I forget how I should never discuss restaurants with my parents.

* June 13, night: In which we arrive at Grandma's. If you only read one of these entries, read this one, for it is the worst. I'm talking vomit and incestual groping here.

* June 14: In which grandma is obsessed with food and thinks I should date the waiter, and there's more vomit.

* June 15: Bad day, better night.

* June 16: In which I go shopping and Grandma just acts godawful.

* June 17: Pretty much the same events as June 16, only involving nicer clothes and Chinese food.

* June 18, early evening: In which Grandma continues to be godawful and we flee her home in terror.

* June 18, midnight: My one happy phone post, gloating at the nice motel room and the pool and spa.

* June 19, morning: My last phone post, by which I'm miserable due to snoring that earplugs wouldn't block out. Includes a sound effect that doesn't translate into text.

* June 19, rest of the day: I take cute photos and gripe about Grandma and take duller photos of The Armpit of America.

* June 20, morning: I really need to go home alone.

* June 20, afternoon and night, and this morning: In which there's finally one good day on this damn trip.

There's also photos, gerbil and non-gerbil.

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