Smackdown topic, Tuesday, June 25:

"When did you lose your virginity?"

Oh lord, the topics this week are just hitting all kinds of buttons for me this week. But I won't get into that now.

As you can imagine, my being a nerd girl with overprotective parents and all, I didn't lose mine in high school like the rest of America. Heck, I didn't even manage it during freshman year of college. Dated one guy per quarter, once apiece, the only one I liked bailed on me pre-date.

Sophomore year of college, I met the ex. Online, of course, being the computer geeks that we are and having free net access. Both of us posted on a school newsgroup. I have no idea what the hell I said to take his interest, especially since this was during a time when I was feeling very bitchy (dingbat roommates and my best friend being married to an abuser and all) and griping a lot. So he proposed a meeting, and since I'd been well trained by Mommy to say yes to whoever asks me out, I went with it. I had no idea who he was, really, and had to go look up his photos online.

Surprise, surprise, despite the age difference and his er, dating around habits, we hit it off, and got pretty hot and heavy a few months later.

Since he'd had er, a lot more history in that department than I did, I was reluctant to actually do the act with him. Had him get tested up the wazoo.

I was also dealing with a lot of people who were telling me that if I had sex with him, I'd immediately become totally attached and go psycho, so suffice it to say there was some big fear factor going on with this. I actually was glad that he had another girlfriend so he could at least get laid with her if I never wanted to. Fortunately, he said he wouldn't leave me if we never you-know-whatted.

My mother went into a panic that I had a boyfriend at all. She demanded to meet him. She demanded that I start calling her twice a week instead of once a week "because I never know where you are any more, you could be dead for all I know, and I'll call the cops if I don't hear from you." And she started asking during every phone call if I'd lost my virginity yet. I hated that.

Eventually, well, I decided I wanted to. I went to Planned Parenthood and got shot up with Depo right before I went home for spring break.

We debated whether or not to wait until my 21st birthday, just to go with the tacky stereotype and all, but then decided we couldn't wait that long. I wanted to do it on April Fool's Day (for obvious reasons), but we ended up driving all day long and all night long and ended up at the designated location (his house) around 9 p.m., starving. He went off to cook a chicken, and I fell asleep. He woke me up and stuck the chicken under my nose AT ONE A.M. Suffice it to say that by one a.m., I was no longer hungry, and he was no longer getting any that night.

I'm not entirely sure of the exact date, sometime after that. We went to see Ten Things I Hate About You, went home, goofed around for awhile, and finally did it. I was all "That's it?" I didn't go psycho? Same old me afterwards. Surprise, surprise.

Dad pissed me off today. I really hate it when he sends me e-mail, because it's usually kinda yell-y. He asked about the cell phone stuff he'd already asked, yelled at me to send Grandma a card, and then told me that I should have discussed making non-family-involving 4th of July plans with Mom first before deciding. I told Mom this and she said that he just wants me to come home a lot and he's jealous of Dave because I never want to come home and spend time with them any more.

Not much I can say honestly about that, huh? Other than, "well, I don't want to spend a large amount of time with you. I'm not feeling particularly deprived of it, it's frustrating a lot of the time when we're together, and I just prefer to spend my weekends NOT stressed out and feeling fried by the time I get home." Of course, that's not what I said. I wrote back a bunch of stuff about how I can't be an adult around them.

I wonder how future events is going to change this. Make it worse, most likely.

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