Chaos Attraction

What's Your Five O'Clock?

2015-07-20, 4:08 p.m.

So, another fun part of my job is POTENTIALLY GETTING SHOT AT. Yes, another one of those charming facts of life I will never be able to avoid because I CAN NEVER GET ANOTHER JOB is that since we are moving offices, to a more dangerous office building, we get to do ACTIVE SHOOTER TRAINING. Oh, joy! Because this job is totally worth being murdered by an angry hormonal and broke twentysomething with a gun. I'm starting to think that working at the DMV would be more relaxing.

Adding this thought around the end of the month: Sadly, now I am starting to think that this sort of thing is now going to beuseful in regular real life no matter where you are, seeing as you can get murdered just by going to the damn movies now.

Part One started today, bright and early to start off our week with joy and laughter. Oh, wait, I meant shooting and death. We got to listen to calls from Columbine, got to hear about this incident, watch cheesy 80's hostage videos made by the LAPD ("you can tell it's LA because of the cheesy music"), got to look at all of the various guns that might be fired at us, and actually at one point got surprise shot at with some sort of fake gun. Whee! I was apparently the only one in the room who ducked at this, which makes me wonder about everyone else in the room.

Things we got told:
(a) First choice: run, preferably low and zig-zagging if you can get to a door.
(b) Second choice: hide, preferably behind something that can take gunfire.
(c) Third choice: if you can't do one of the other two and the gunman's about to shoot you, you'd better fight back to kill. They told us how to disarm a weapon (basically, shove it far back into their head or so), which my coworker pointed out might not work so well if we get shot before that happens.
We also got told fun things like we might get mistaken for a shooter, so if we get arrested, just go with it. And if you have to disarm a shooter, get rid of the gun when you see the cops or know. Also, you may have to kill him, so go right ahead.

They were all, "What's your five-o-clock?" I was thinking, "DRINKTIME," but no, that's not what they meant. They meant, what do you have to live for outside of the office? Your family, your pets, your social group...and I was all, "hm, I don't have anything really, other than my mom will totally lose her shit if I go." Guess it's no big loss if I get shot. Might as well get killed at this job instead of everyone else with a family, right?

I an not entirely clear if we are going to get shot at during part two of this or not. It sounded like hell yes we are, and then maybe not. Fuck if I know, but ...ugh. Anyway, since we aren't even moved into that building yet and won't be for another month, we're supposed to do... something. I don't think anyone actually knows what we're supposed to do if we're to practice figuring out whose offices we can hide in or whatever.

After this, we got to go on a tour of our new building. We're going to be on the top floor rather than the bottom now. I couldn't help but notice that my office will be RIGHT NEXT TO where the shooters will go and we're not allowed to even close the door and those windows ain't breakable. We're not even close to the emergency stairs either. My boss was all, "don't worry about it, they'll shoot up the first floor and then you'll hear it anyway." That's very comforting...for a few minutes until I realized that both the stairs and elevator empty right into the front hall so I could get shot at if I tried to escape.

In other news, I got to go to the gynecologist today (still don't have any problems) and the hospital was about as crazy as my work usually is. They were pulling in nurses from random places and one of the ones I talked to was basically having a nervous breakdown and the other one started questioning my medication saying it didn't look right. I was all, "yeah, I know, the timing of when I get it is weird, but I swear that's correct." I was afraid she'd refuse to give it to me or something, but she realized I was right, hah. At least my doctor was sane and normal, so there's that. And I got out of the office for a few hours.

Car is still not fixed, "they still can't find a sensor to check it" or something. What the fuck. I don't even know.

But hey, at least mosaic class tonight went all right, and Meg is happy, and I got a ride home. So there is that.

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