In B&tB news, we got a new Chip, I guess? Don't know what happened to the previous one, but she's been replaced by a kid from Music Man, I think. Poor previous Chip never got to do much here, maybe she got bored, I dunno.

In other people news, Dawn and Loretta went for a walk and found a lost dog, which, no joke, is a Golden/labby sort of dog in the pic, answering to the name of Marley. Clearly, reincarnation exists. After some random lady with a stroller took a picture of the dog and posted it to Nextdoor or whatever, the pet sitter who lost the dog was able to find it in 45 minutes.

I'm frogging that sweater, it looked terrible and according to the internet, girls with 36 sized boobs are needing to make it EXTRA SMALL to get it to fight right. FFS.

Work news: trained new coworkers on how to do the mail, proofread so many names I was quite sick of it, and GOT QUARTERLY PROJECT DONE SUPER HELLA EARLY. Let me explain: it's officially "due" circa August 22. The fastest it's ever gotten done is August 1, followed by August 2, in circa 2016-17-18 or so. We haven't made that in years. But today, HAHAHH WE MADE IT BEFORE THE END OF THE MONTH!!! HUZZAH!

Singing lesson: Morgan said she wants an "arsenal" of songs, divided between "head voice" and "chest voice." Songs on the head list are "Once Upon A Dream" (already doing it), and also "Vanilla Ice Cream" from She Loves Me, and "I Could Have Danced All Night" (you know what that's from). She had me watch Laura Benanti and Julie Andrews doing them--Laura for the diaphragm and Julie for the mouth movements, and that's about how much I did with those today (mouthing along on the latter). The "chest voice" list is "Fifty Percent" (already doing it), "As Long As He Needs Me" from Oliver, and "Maybe This Time" from Cabaret, which she's working on for auditions. Then we did more breathing/mouth stuff with "Once Upon A Dream" to finish it off.

"Vanilla Ice Cream" is surprisingly operatic in bits, which is a little intimidating. I've seen the show before IRL a time or two(?) and don't remember finding it that operatic, but...Laura Benanti, I suppose. As for Julie Andrews, I probably should have been all "Erm...I don't think I can do that high at the end," but eh, whatever, we'll see, I suppose.

While at work today, I listened to another Susan Winter video.

She said when deciding whether or not to stay or go, is there true potential here to have it grow? Are things getting closer/deeper? Is it growing or flatlining? Is this something I can feel comfortable with doing? A lot of people are afraid to open up, they're waiting for us to. This leads to misunderstanding. It is really powerful to be vulnerable. If you're talking about it, you have your hands on the steering wheel. If you don't, it's a mystery. Say what you want/need. State clearly what you want, why you want what you want, explain to them how that would look and feel in the real world, as opposed to what they're doing now. Then give them the option, they say yes or no, that's your answer. Game always backfires. Only if you walk away for good because you are done, does it work. "The strongest position on the game board is I love you, but I'm leaving you."

I also started watching a Esther Perel video in which she mentioned "relational ambivalence: contradictory thoughts and feelings of love and hate, attraction and disgust, excitement and fear towards a person with whom we have a relationship."

I'm trying to figure out a game plan for being around Scott....AGAIN. Sure, he left me alone (also I KEPT THE HELL AWAY) all week after THAT, but god knows his habit is to like, go back to normal about wanting to be around me again after like a week. He did that after the karaoke night where he said he wasn't going to date anyone (a week and then he's back next to me again), he went back to being around me at Producers pretty much right off and then wanting hugs again after a week and a half, according to my journal, it's pretty likely. Unless he feels so guilty about preferring Arielle to me and having a lovely date that he finally stays away, that's possible.

Honestly, I'd try cutting cords again except that didn't work. Cutting him off forever and giving up talking to him and quitting theater is honestly a pretty strong option on the table right now. The lyrics "You made your choice, and now it's up to me, to bow out gracefully" keep going through my brain, but minus the "I'll be around" bits. Maybe it's better for us all if I'm not around. I don't want to feel left out when they are together.

I watched some videos on dating and how it basically doesn't work to try to use other people for distraction or whatever. Agreed, that's horrible and feels bad just thinking about it. But it sure still makes you feel stuck.

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