Would you believe that two of my top five most embarrassing moments happened in the same day yesterday?

One of them I wasn't even there for. The other day when going through my CD's, Dave found this gold CD with "Jen" written on it, and I had no idea what the thing was or what was on it. I suspected it was a CD the ex had given me, but knowing him I figured it was either (a) a copy of Windows 98, or (b) possibly some mp3's.

While I was at work, he fed the thing into the computer. Surprise, surprise, this CD turned out to be some video from the ex's webcam of us making out. Which he made around when we were first going out, and I'd thought he'd accidentally deleted years ago. I totally did not remember him giving me on this on disc. Hell, I didn't remember having any disks from him in the first place. And had I suspected what the heck was on the thing, I would have discouraged Dave from checking it.

After that, he fumbled around with the computer trying to get the disc out, and then he immediately broke the thing to smithereens. (When he called me at lunch and mentioned his find- at the time he sounded very cautiously neutral about it- he asked if I wanted to keep it. I said no. After I found out what he'd done with it, I said "What would you have done if I wanted to keep it?" "Said oops?")

Apparently actually seeing me make out with somebody else, even if he couldn't really see the guy, bugged him a lot more than hearing about me having sex with someone else. *sigh*

I just don't get that whole jealousy thing, I must admit. Who cares? It was years ago, I didn't even know him then, and lord knows Dave's gone through a lot more chicks than I have guys. (I didn't even comment much when his ex, the one that desperately wants to boink him again, showed up during the weekend. For about 30 seconds before she fled after he started nuzzling me.) Ugh. I definitely have to go um, alter this journal if I ever decide to let him see it.

Embarrassing moment #2 was even worse. After work I dragged Dave to Borders while I did birthday present shopping. (October through December is a big birthday season for me, as is March through May.) I mostly had CD's for everybody, but for myself picked up a copy of Bitch magazine. Which, incidentally, has the WORST ad I've ever seen for sheer embarrassment on the back of it. Giant pink rabbit dildo pressed against a black leather crotch. Totally makes me want to hide in a corner just looking at it.

Fortunately the back of this thing was hidden behind me when... dum dum dum... my ex-boss shows up! And um, noticed the title of this magazine. Lord knows I was fumbling around trying to er, explain it... Not to mention that it was probably pretty obvious that I was there with a boyfriend. I am so hoping she won't go back to the office and tell everyone she spotted me with one. I don't want Shawn to hear about it. Bad enough I saw him riding home one day when Dave and I were waiting to leave for Modesto, but at least then we weren't in a clinch. Gah.

Not much else to say, I guess. Other than I really, really don't want to tell my mother you-know-what. She was e-mailing me yesterday about how maybe it was all for the best that this didn't work out now and could work out better at a different time and we didn't really plan this anyway and Dave should have stayed at his job no matter how bad his boss was being and maybe we should both spend some time alone to figure out what's best for each of us. That last bit I read as a "I want you to break up," or at least it sounds that way to me.

I just know that once she hears this, she'll start sharing with me all her thoughts and feelings and concerns about how this is wrong for me and he's a nice boy but flaky and not so swift on the life planning thing and his family sucks and why am I moving so fast, I shouldn't get engaged, blah blah shootmenowcakes. I don't want to hear it. I want to postpone telling her even more now. Scrap this whole us-being-together-for-Thanksgiving thing, let's pretend we're not engaged and do it separately and put off dealing until Christmas, when hopefully he'll be employed again and we won't have to hear about this so much. I'm sure she thinks he's the most irresponsible, flaky, immature child right now because of this whole thing going wrong.

Dave, however, will not go for putting it off any more.

*groan*

previous entry - next entry
archives - current entry