A miracle, a bloody miracle, I actually had some time to myself to write last night. Plus I stayed up late, plus I woke up at 5 a.m. with a cough coming on and stayed up to write instead.

I'm still jealous as hell of people like Sarah Janet and elphaba and others even farther along, but I'm finally feeling like I may not totally suck at this. That if I'm left alone for awhile, I might actually *gasp!* finish. I've kind of wandered into the "random stuff" territory of writing, but hey, it's at least amusing.

(Oh, and if you're on my NaNo novel writing list from last year, I haven't sent chapters in awhile- keep forgetting to. Will do it at some point when I can.)

Though I was rather annoyed when Hill said last night that we need to make yet another trip to WalMart. Do we need to make a WalMart run every single week? Seriously, it takes all night long just to get there, grab stuff, and go home, plus eating. Grr, there's another night wasted.

Here's my schedule for the next few days:

Tonight: Wal-Mart, will get no work done.

Wednesday: Work all day, train ride for an hour and a half, so at least I can work then. After that get a ride the rest of the way home, but I can't type in the car.

Thursday: Unless there's some free time in the morning or I'm not too bitched at by the relatives, should be a waste.

Friday: Doctor's in the morning, morning is wasted.

After that, I don't know, though knowing my mom, shopping will be taking up the rest of the weekend or something. We shall see, I guess.

Have I mentioned how much I love chicagowench lately?

She recently found out that her impending baby (known currently as "the snarklet") is a boy. Rather to her disappointment, as she wanted a girl. And you know what, I'd totally be thinking the same things in that situation.

"I am mourning the daughter I will never have, because I am fully committed to having only one child, and I am looking at the rather stereotypically girly books I won't get to share, and snivelling as my brain races ahead several years to my husband and son watching movies that bore me to tears and spending hours working on robots and otherwise engaging in boy stuff I have no interest in.

To add to it, it's pissing me off no end as I'm getting blasted from the 1950's with coos of 'A SON! A BOY! A boy to carry on the family name! blah blah blah insert yet more boys are better gender propoganda here'."

That's totally why I fear little boys. They're wild, they're crazy, they do Boy Things, and then there's the whole boys-are-better-they-get-the-name issue thing. Gag me. I'm so freaked at the idea that when I had to have a flour baby in high school, I was the only one who did the extra credit to ensure that I had a "girl." Not to mention that a Dave-begotten son would have to be about fifteen different kinds of crazy straight out of the box... yikes. Despite his dad's whole Name Thing, I really hope no boys ever come out of me. I'd probably throw a huge tantrum about it (not that it would do me any good, mind you...). I think cw's being nicely restrained about the issue.

Ain't that the truth.

I am so ticked that I can't do Holidailies this year. I counted it up, and I am guaranteed to be spending at least 13 days this December without computer access at all, if not more. Waaaaaah.

A rape happened on campus. Specifically, a girl got kidnapped from her bedroom in the middle of the night and was dragged off to campus to be raped.

I don't live all that far from where this girl does.

I really hope Dave doesn't watch the news today or else he is going to be having a COW.

Last night's phone conversation with Dave was... unpleasant.

His brother, in all honesty, is a dumbass. On the Stupid Life Mistakes checkoff list, he'd probably be about 3/4 of the way done with it. I won't get into everything, but it's a fairly impressive list. Anyway, he went into the military because he can't take care of himself worth squat. I made the comment yesterday that "What would he do if he got kicked out?" Well, my psychicness musta kicked in, because upon going home Dave found out the guy's getting kicked out next month for failing a drug test and not showing up so promptly when he got orders. Suffice it to say that he'll be showing up at the house in a bad mood and won't be paying anyone back all the money that he owes. Dave said dumbass always takes out his bad moods on him, so there will definitely be a fight going on this holiday season, especially since dumbass is not supposed to leave the house. Guess why? Because he's wanted in two counties for being delinquent on money. Sheeeeeeesh.

Dave sounds cranky as all hell. Said he normally stomps out of the house at some point during each family gathering and only comes back for dinner. I can't say I'm sorry that I'm missing that fun experience. He was completely shocked when I said I could never get away with that. (Hell, there's nowhere to go if I did stomp out, since both aunts live on the fringes of town.)

We got into an unpleasant conversation about my wimpiness and how I don't like fights, won't get into fights, and won't even stand up for him should he decide to pick a fight with Mom in front of me. (Hell, I won't even stand up for me because I suck at it, he thinks I'd be listened to if I jumped into the battle?) He got ticked when I said that of all things I do NOT want to be in the middle of them when they start fighting and would run away ASAP if they did. He said he can't stand her for what she does to me, it's not right, etc.

Gee, you think he's bitter about the holidays much?

He also said I am the only person he knows who is that cowed by her parents and never rebeled against them (and won, anyway). Apparently I can't manage to do what every 12-year-old girl can do and stand up for herself and get what she wants. Meanwhile, I'd happily let my parents run me over with a car if that meant the fighting would just. stop. It hurts me to fight, and I lose anyway. I might as well save myself the effort. I am such a timid people pleaser, I can't stand to hurt people even if they hurt me with gleeful abandon, and I just plain suck. I keep telling him that I'm not going to suddenly grow a pair and start fighting and winning and solving emotional problems probably ever, but he still doesn't want to dump me. Surprise, surprise.

Apparently, he is not going to let me do this. He is going to lay down the law. He is going to encourage me to cut off Mom and set some boundaries. Etc., etc. I wish I didn't have to bring him into this mess. Lord knows I can't handle it and the only way I can handle it is to give in. He just doesn't get that- of course, he never gives in or has to most of the time, either.

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