Chaos Attraction

Acedia

2011-12-02, 9:48 a.m.

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So I didn't do NaNoWriMo this November. I started editing on days 1 and 2, and immediately got fed up and bored and "Dear god, I don't want to do this any more" and ... stopped. Which, yeah, kinda happens when you try to do a novel that isn't fresh (something I already knew, but I had no ideas for a new one anyway, I wrote what I wanted for the year already), but I was unfortunately already in that frame of mind anyway.

I hate this. I hate that it's no longer fun for me. I hate that I feel about NaNo the way that I feel about overly chewed gum, but there you have it. Technically I did do a novel this year, so there's that, but I doubt I'll ever do it again and I hate that. Realistically, once I've written a book for 20something days, I am so vomitously sick of it that I don't want to edit it or rewrite it for years to make it into a polished turd, and...I never do. I'm never going to get a book published because once I get my ya-yas out or whatever the first time, I stop caring about it enough to make it really LIVE in public. Which is a waste of talent and all that, and I wish I had the interest/drive to keep it going. But I don't.

I already went into how NaNo stopped being fun for me here so I won't do it again, but it depresses me that something I loved and was diehard about for over a decade has gone flushing down the tubes. I guess that's probably happened for Chris Baty given that he's mostly not doing the work there any more, and I know it happens and people get bored in time and all of that. But it still sucks.

I still love the CC and always will, but on a related note, I seem to have taken every class there that I wanted to (or at least, there's no new ones I've seen or anything I haven't done that I want to try). Usually some new cool class is being offered per quarter to keep my interest, but not so much in the last few quarters, which is why I was taking corset making again even though I did it in the summer. I don't know what I'll do with my freebies and CC credit next quarter. I feel like I've done it all, unless I take up wood or welding and I rule them out for irritating noise factor.

I am now back at my job being slow again, I am done with the giant pile and my extra work has been taken away, and ... yeah. The work drama has died down mostly as well.

I think I am pretty much bored of everything, really. Okay, yeah, I know that's a sign of "You need to move/get new job/grow up already, Jennifer" stuff. But still. I hate feeling like life is ABC gum or something.

Though it has now officially been one year since I got my driver's license (Woot! Can you believe it? Me neither), so I officially signed up for Zipcar today. Then I get to wait around for a few weeks while they approve me (let's hope they do since I have had it for a year without any incidents...'cause I've driven 4 times since then) and mail the card. (I hope they aren't all "No, you haven't had it for a year" or something like that when they check the DMV...I hope...) By the end of the month, maybe I can make my own large grocery runs or something for a change. THAT will be something different, anyway.

Tonight I have my last CC auction party to attend, and this weekend will be my last Art Center craft show. Sigh. I don't normally buy too much stuff at auction (I have one bid that hasn't been trumped yet, but if it is, I'll live), but restraining myself at the Art Center show will be hard. I'll probably be going around thinking, "This is the last time I can buy X Thing!" and go insane.

But hey, next year I can attend this instead, eh? That sounds like fun.


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