Chaos Attraction

Last Day Of School

2013-12-13, 3:15 p.m.

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I'm gonna quote from a monthly horoscope link (for my rising sign):

SCORPIO/SCORPIO RISING
Buy yourself something nice.
Or get a ticket to somewhere.
You deserve the break
and
God knows,
you need it.
You've been in the coal mines
psychologically
and you definitely
should have your day
in the light
at least for a bit.
You have already figured out that you have
to care for yourself now, even if that means
shutting some of the bloodsuckers out.
Your body, mind and soul need care.
Not that you should be stupidly lavish,
but you need to plan a nice restful trip.
Even if you think youre about to drop,
Jupiter in the nintih indicates time away to heal,
to process the transformation going on inside you
and prepare for the reinvention of yourself
and the magnificent comeback you have to plan for.

This is sooooooooooo accurate for me. Plus appropriate for going to Hawaii!

I have been hedging about this in entries for a week or two now, but since I broke the news to my boss today, I figure I might as well say it to the Internet: a job was created in my old work group and I applied for it last night. It's an analyst job with theoretically a pay raise (look, the pay scale stuff is confusing, but if they don't start me out at bare minimum, it'll be a raise for me), with my old boss and group and doing technical stuff and oh....QUIET.

I have been debating about doing it out of feeling terrible about screwing my new group over and making them even MORE people down on having staff here to waint on everyone. Plus the last week or so hasn't nearly been the nightmare that the weeks around Thanksgiving were. Plus I really love my current boss, she's adorable. But I finally told my boss today--because I HAD to since it's interoffice and office gossip drama crap will ensue while I'm out, most likely--and she was totally happy for me for doing it. Especially with the potential pay raise.

Frankly, I'd be fine with this job except for the public service stuff. That is just draining to me. I went to an appointment with my career counselor yesterday to go over my resume and cover letter and as I briefed her on what was going on with my current job, because I hadn't had a chance to tell her in the last year, she pretty much choked right off the bat and was all, "Oh my gosh, that's TORTURING YOU," what with my personality and all.

I am an ambivert personality. I can go either way on the introvert/extrovert scale, usually. I work at the front counter at my volunteer job and I spent a few months last summer working the front counter alone or with one other person at the ID card office, and those were fine and dandy by me. I honestly didn't think this would be a problem to have to do part time waiting on the public.

However: this job is fucking hardcore and hard and high stakes, compared to the other ones. I feel woefully unprepared every day dealing with being asked things I never knew EXISTED in my LIFE, but I am supposed to be an expert on them. And I am not allowed to ever say I don't know, and frankly, I can't always find someone who does know around at the time. And that's just having to do front counter three hours a week. On top of that, they make me work the phones if they are low on student staff who answers them, and that is pretty much my personal nightmare right there.

I have a terrible time concentrating on phone conversations on a good day, and answering totally random questions--to paraphrase someone else here, we get more questions about things that have nothing to do with our office than those we do-- makes me crazy. If it's stuff I know, it's fine, but having no clue what anyone is talking about and then having to be their Problem Solver.... is a giant argh.

For example: you'd think that today, being the last day of school and all, would be nice and quiet. OH NO, NOT FOR ME IT WASN'T. During my hour of front counter, there were at least four people in line the whole time. I had one lone minute (counted it) where there was nobody in line, and then they all started piling in again. Meanwhile, everyone else who had to work counter today got to leave it early or not do it at all because hardly anyone was coming in later in the day. ONLY during my shift. GRRRRRRR. Seriously, I don't mind it so much when it is like working at the CC, where people come in intermittently. It was constant, no time to take a breath or a chill pill in between more and more people wanting and needing. I felt pecked to death by crows.

It's taken me over a year--and it's been a very long year--to learn most of the stuff here, and it still feels like it's not enough. I'm not as clueless as I used to be, but every day I still feel unprepared and dumb. And kind of like I am sitting in a dunk tank. They tell me there's nothing that can be done about that and no matter how long you're here there's always a ton of stuff you can't know....which is depressing. I am also supposed to LOVE giving help and service to people (yes, seriously, it's been said)....but, again, it drains the crap out of me rather than fuels me. I wish I felt otherwise--especially when my mom is such a sterling example of a person who Loves To Help Cheerfully--but.... I feel fried here pretty often. I miss the quiet. If I can get it back by going back to my old group, doing techie stuff, it would be such a relief on my soul. And if I can't, then I'll just have to suck it up and keep doing this job until I retire, most likely, because I don't qualify for any jobs that aren't in this office!

I am glad today is my last day for the year. Two and a half weeks of quiet and nobody bugging me all the time and asking me questions and nitpicking everything I say and do as not good enough. Well, except Mom, hah.


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