My Mom's Psuedo-Boyfriend
2005-12-16, 9:59 p.m.
Okay, I've been tactfully quiet about this, but as you might have seen from yesterday's entry, there is some kinda drama that's bugging me. And looks like it'll be coming up to bite me in the arse for New Year's, i.e. during Holidailies time. So I might as well come out with it.
Mauricio and my mom are VERY close friends. To my knowledge they have not so much as done more beyond holding hands, but they sure ACT like they are dating otherwise. She's got the crush on him, he seems to have one back at her.
Now, if both of them were single, this would be great. With my dad still alive but...in the condition he's in, that's already kinda bad. (I hope to god nobody in the family figures out she's got a crush on him, or she will be lynched.) But even worse? HE's got a live-in girlfriend...and is (long-time) separated from the wife he's divorcing.
Talk about a MESS here.
I kind of can't believe my mom. This is more of a mess than I ever got into while dating- and that takes some doing! Even I never messed around with monogamous people.
On the one hand, it's obvious my parents weren't a major love match and she told me she settled (long sad story there), and I can understand how she wants real love for someone on her own, and that it's been over thirty years since she was seriously interested in a guy. Other than the possible lynching aspects, I am fine with her finding someone else to love. I kind of wish she'd wait two more years the way I'm doing, since SHE is the one married and all, but... well, it's not like my dad's in much of a condition right now.
But...dangit, the dude is taken. And says he'll marry the girlfriend when he's finally divorced. To quote from my favorite movie, "I don't think he's ever gonna leave her." This is CHOOSING to bring trouble and chaos into our lives, and I do not appreciate her doing that when we've already got enough going on that we didn't choose.
I've met the girlfriend and she seemed really nice at first, but I keep hearing things lately that range from weird to screwy to "Oh my god, I'd dump her for pulling that on me." For example, the two day "pregnancy" she claimed when he was hanging around with Mom and me one weekend. She announced it over speakerphone and I heard it myself. He made it clear he didn't believe it until he saw some proof...and two days later, she fessed up or something. Course, the day before she'd been drinking at a party, so that kind of gave it away. And he has not left her for that. Mom says he's loyal. Yeah, sure, but if she's doing weird shit...well, I just don't get it.
I like the guy if we take that out of the equation- I think he and Mom make a really good match- but this can only make trouble, you know? And I wish she'd not hang around with him so much and get attached to something that's doomed one way or the other unless he sucks it up and moves out. Hell, even without my mom in the equation, I think it might be a good idea for him to move on.
The girlfriend is very strange about it. I'm pretty sure she knows, but is pretending she doesn't know. She's theoretically invited to go out with Mom and Mauricio, but usually doesn't go. And coincidentally, any time she expresses interest in doing something with the three of them (or four when I'm in town), "something" always comes up and "they" bail at the last minute. For example, they were supposed to come over for Thanksgiving and never showed ("oh, things ran late"). And that Hawaiian event last weekend. I told Mom it's like she's pissing on her territory.
I suspect at some point girlfriend is just going to put her foot down and say, "You can't hang around with her any more." And he will, and Mom will be hurt because he's her only friend that ever does anything with her. Mom has plenty of people she's friendly with or has a conversation with once in awhile, but this is the first one who ever hung out with her. Her life sucks right now and this dude cheers her up.
I just don't want to see my little mommy crushed, you know? Bad enough I get crushed all the damned time, I'm a twentysomething idjit and it comes with the territory. She's got even less experience than I do and is older and her life sucks already- I don't want her to hurt even more because she got attached to a guy who's probably not going to become my official future stepfather.
In the meantime...she's got a pseudo-boyfriend, whom she is out with on a psuedo-date right now. And Mauricio hopped on the phone when I called to say he missed me being around and I should have come into town ("Hey, I asked, she said she didn't want me to come!" I said) and said he wanted to get together for New Year's.
I've had pretty shitty New Year's since about 2000, and I was expecting this one to be no different. Another year sitting around bored on the couch with nothing to do and trapped in an area of the Bay Area where I no longer have friends close by. But... now someone wants to do something, and it's going to be fraught with DRAMA. Will the girlfriend come? Is she even invited? Will she claim to want to come and then flake out at the last moment as per usual? If Mauricio shows up alone, will he and my mom have a New Year's kiss?
For those of you who don't normally read this journal, THIS is why I call this journal what I call it. Chaos FINDS ME, people, even when I try to avoid it.