Chaos Attraction

Case Workers Get Stuff Done

2023-12-22, 8:37 p.m.

Sleep update: the other 1/2 pill of the trazadone, 6-ish hours.

I was trying to make what I call a "special snowflake" for Rae's mom--I wanted it out of rainbow yarn and I had wanted to do different tips on each end. Unfortunately this was Not Going Well, my brain did the first 3-ish rows of the instructions and then the last two rows were just driving me nuts. I was using crochet thread, which I cannot take working with, and I tried to make the snowflake pattern out of thicker yarns, but then it came out too big. Finally I just was all, "It's just going to be a smaller one than I intended," finished off the thing, and sprayed stiffening spray on it. I can't do no more gift making. I've gotten their gifts wrapped but never got around to contacting them about gift distribution...sorry, I only have so much executive function today, but that's doing pretty good for me these days.

IOP: today was identifying your emotions. This was...not my favorite one, mostly because (a) I pretty much feel like I can identify mine, (b) it hit a couple of my pet peeves, such as "I can see there's 23 slides to go through here and we're only on slide 12 and we're out of the hour of time" and "we're not getting through the material because people keep talking." Eh....whatever on this one. When asked what I was feeling at the end, I said annoyed, lol.

After that, I had my meeting with my caseworker, Dr. Amanda. This went great, actually. I asked about all the people telling me I should file for disability--something I have a lot of pause about--and she said that wasn't a likely option for me, takes years to do, more of a last resort, and it's hard to get temporary disability for mental health. So yeah, about what I figured on that score.

Re: getting diagnosed with some disability, she said I have a sleep disorder, anxiety, and "adjustment disorder" on my record. I asked what *that* was and she said symptoms related to a certain stressor and as long as the stressor's around, the symptoms remain, but if the stressor went away, so would the issues. So...yeah, that's about right. But probably not a disability.

That said, even she seems to kinda agree I probably have ADHD even though she explained the whole diagnosis process and why it was taking so long, etc. and really, the deciding factor is going to be whether or not they think I'd benefit from stimulants. I said I'm not exactly uh, sure if I want to do that or not. She said it wouldn't surprise her if I was on the ADHD spectrum--I choked at the word "spectrum"--and then she was all no, not referring to autism exactly but some people do think that sort of thing is on the same spectrum. She said she was glad I'm doing it through Vacaville and not having to deal with the red tape of Sacramento. She also said some people just start treating people for ADHD even before diagnosis, and signed me up for some online classes in ADHD skills.

She said to email her the accommodations form and she'd send it to Dr. A, and looked into psychiatrist appointments and was basically all "hoo boy, this is like six weeks, you need sooner than that, let me go complain to someone/work on this" and got me one for mid-January after that. She also extended my leave for another week--she said IOP runs on a 3 week-ish cycle and there'd be new classes to take and they extend leave fairly frequently--so I can get more appointments, see her one more time once she's back from next week, etc. HUZZAH.

After that, while I waited around for paperwork to go through, I walked around outside for a few hours, depositing the Christmas money from Mom (half in checking to make up for what I spent, half in savings), picking up a book I ordered (happily, the bookstore was doing bustling business), and then browsing every other store I hadn't been to downtown this season trying to come up with present ideas. I ended up buying Debbie a beaded snowflake ornament and Mom a "pocket hug" (artsy heart rock pocket fidget) at the Pence craft sale, which I finally managed to make it to when they were open. I am so out of ideas for Mom. Literally I started Googling "what to give someone who doesn't want anything" and all the lists I found were just completely random shit, mostly weird kitchen items that helped nothing. Since I don't understand kitchen shit or what anyone would want out of kitchen shit (Jackie tells me what she wants!), fuhgettaboutit.

Then I went home since my letters came in. I sent in the extended leave one to work--sorry to do that at the dead last minute, you guys! Dr. Amanda also wrote me a diagnosis letter saying I have a sleep disorder and adjustment disorder. So I have that to submit...wherever. The state? I dunno.

As for tonight, I'm packing up and watching Escaping Twin Flames, which is hoo boy insanity, followed by the last Hallmark movie for this year, which is very...mild.
Tomorrow I go to Roger's and beats me if I can get Internet working over there, so I might be off for a few days.

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