(Yes, I intended to write an entry for every day. Alas, my parents� net access died the day I got there, and thus I�m posting the paper journal entries I wrote instead a few weeks late. Sorry �bout that.)

12/25:

Well, it was a pretty quiet day, for the most part. Got a few more gifts�Disney Monopoly, Scrabble, more bath stuff, Best of Show, and a lot of jewelry! Mom got me a fire topaz earrings, necklace, and ring set, which is GORGEOUS! I love the heart-shaped ring. In the event I ever did get engaged, this would be a cool ring for it�unlike boring-ass diamonds, this has lots of colors in it.

We really didn�t do a lot after that- we watched Best of Show, which is amusing and cute. For those of you who don�t know, it focuses on several dog owners, all who hope their dogs will win Best of Show at the Mayflower Dog Show.

The people featured are:

* Gerry and Cookie and their terrier Winky. He�s got two left feet, she�s boinked hundreds of folks and can�t remember them. They write terrier songs. Very cheerful.

* The yuppies (who I also referred to as "Starbucks" and "the catalog couple"�guess how they met), whose Weimereimer caught them having sex and was utterly traumatized ever since. Scary couple.

* The country ventriloquist guy and his bloodhound. Truth be told, I wasn�t all that interested in them. Been there, done that.

* The gay couple. Michael McKean and his kimono-loving "Mary" and their Shih Tzus (which are adorable). I had no idea before this movie how you pronounced that word, and apparently it sounds a whole lot like "Shit sue." Hee!

* The lesbian "couple." Well, really, it�s an Anna Nicole type married to a 120-year-old Colonel Sanders who doesn�t speak (she claims he wears her out sexually), played by Stifler�s mom. With her is her cute butch dog trainer, Christy. Their dog is the 2-time Best of Show winning poodle (dang, I pity that poor dog with the shave job that�s been done on it), Rhapsody in White (a.k.a. "Butch."). I do like one part where Sherry (AN) and Christy talk about how Sherri put a ton of makeup on Christy and she didn�t like it.

The plot setup is simple, but it�s amusing to watch the folks involved. My favorite scene is the one where they interview the hotel manager about cleaning up after dogs and he talks about how a rock band "apparently didn�t know there was a toilet in the room," and they also barbequed a goat.

Anyway, I was supposed to help Mom decorate the tree and help make brownies, only (a) she never got the lights done on the tree or finished putting it up so I could do that, and (b) she didn�t mention to me she�d started doing the brownies while I was watching the movie. Then she got mad at me for not helping.

In other words, same old, same old.

In the afternoon, we went over to Tammy�s. It was nice. Justin, who�s four, doesn�t remember who I am because he only sees me once a year, but he was a sweetie, playing with me and giving me cookies. Aww. He�s also inherited the family passion for olives, which is cute.

The relatives (having heard most of it out of me by now in the last two days) kept a fairly low profile on the usual nagging, sticking to "Hey, do you cook yet? Do you like it?" and responding with "Well, you�d better find a man who likes to cook!" Les later asked how the dating situation was going, but at least he waited until we didn�t have an audience. I ended up saying "You know what? I love being single at the holidays. No in-laws to deal with!" Les said that after so many years he didn�t remember any more.

Otherwise, things were great. Good food, great gift certificate present to Borders, nobody nagged me to stop reading my book ("Which Lie Did I Tell?"), which is excellent. William Goldman�s writing style really hooks me. I musta been an idiot to believe that he really did "abridge" a book by S. Morgenstern, had a son, got sued, etc. like he said in my copy of Princess Bride, though.

I did have one freaky moment after dinner. As usual, the women went into the kitchen, while the men sat around doing nothing. I went back to reading my book. Then Mom called me in and asked me to dry the dishes. And I just thought, "Oh my God, they�re sucking me in to domesticity! From now on, I�ll be trapped to help in the kitchen with The Women forever!" I looked around blankly for a towel, or indeed, anywhere to store dishes, when Auntie D. told me she�d do it, since I looked so baffled. I fled. Later, Mom bitched me out for leaving and not helping, since Auntie D, unbeknownst to me, had taken off right after I did.

I know, I�ve revealed myself to be a jerk yet again. I�d better explain. Yes, sometimes I have been known to help in the kitchen� I just (a) generally suck at it, and (b) suck at it even worse with a critical audience around watching me. Especially one where at least one of the people in the room is all too likely to make fun of me and my screwups for the next ten years, while Mom yells at me for not naturally getting things right. Between that and my utter annoyance at how only women do cleanup in this family because uterus = maid, after all, I usually try to blend in with the couch after a family meal. I�d hide in the bathroom, except Dad�s already in there.

One of the major reasons I don�t cook much is that every time Mom tried to teach me, we ended up in huge screaming fights because she wanted it done Her Way Or Else, and usually neglected to tell me with any great detail what Her Way was. She wants me to naturally Just Know. Maybe it�s another uterus expectation or something.

Anyway, the evening ended with watching a video of Justin�s holiday program. Hilarious video of 25 kids paying no attention to what they�re supposed to be doing!

previous entry - next entry
archives - current entry