Chaos Attraction

Don't Believe Me When I Say I've Got It Down

2020-01-05, 8:25 p.m.

Covering 1/4/20:

The morning began unexpectedly, with some random person bringing some random golden retriever by Meg’s house saying they didn’t know who owned the dog and did she know. Meg though it was the dog of a neighbor down the block and brought the dog there, but that neighbor said that wasn’t his dog (wrong gender). So she brought the dog in here and while the dog was perfectly and utterly chill and roaming through the house casually, Xochi (Meg’s poodle, pronounce it along the lines of “Sochi”) was very unhappy with this. I tried to pin the dog down to look at its tags, but all the tags had were a rabies # and the name and number of the animal hospital. Note to dog owners: please put your pet’s name and your number on the damn tags. We called the vet clinic and they said the dog hadn’t been there since 2007 (geeeez) but did give us the address they had on file for it, which was about a block from here.

Meg walked the dog back down, knocked on the door, and nobody was there...BUT the door was open, the fireplace was on, and there was a giant dog bed in the house. Meg left the dog there and then tried back again a few hours, but nobody was there still (the dog looked fine and was chilling on the furniture, though), so she left a note. Uh...I hope that’s your dog!

Today was Meg’s spinning group meeting. I went to one two years ago when I was doing vacation here during the same time. However, they’ve lost some members. One lady’s moving, another one isn’t there much, and the main organizer, Connie, died a few weeks ago (I think I mentioned this), so it was very weird for Meg to have the meeting without her there. Vaiva came along, Hazel dropped in later. I told her I was making her her own Baby Yoda and while I wasn’t done with the coat for it by the time she had to leave, she saw the body of it and said she approved. The other remaining member was a lady I hadn’t met before named Pat, who brought her sweet poodle Lily along. Hazel went through a bag of free clothes Meg had gotten and was dressing up the dogs. Lily in particular loved it.

They also discussed the state of the group, as to whether or not it would go on and/or whether or not they’d try to invite new people, because Meg would prefer they have the right people that they are simpatico with. She got a little choked up at the end and I wanted to ask if there was anything I could do, but then Meg distracted herself by wanting to go buy a piece of furniture she saw yesterday and ran off to do that, so I guess she made herself feel better in the end.

Quotes from the party:

Meg was saying that figuring out patterns freaks her out in general, but neither Vaiva nor I got how badly it did. After Meg said that patterns made her throw up, Vaiva was all, “I didn’t realize I was in such peril.” Meg then said that she used to do mountain rescue, and she had to tell severely injured people that they’ll be just fine, so don’t believe her when she says she’s fine!

Meg actually said, regarding her Black Lab nature, “I get to sniff your butt!” and “You don’t get to do that in the world very often.”

Vaiva to Hazel: “You’re a very strange child.”
Meg: “But a fun one.”

Hazel to me as I work on her Baby Yoda: “I approve.” And later, “I still approve.”

“Jennifer tends to expand us on many levels.” -Meg

Hazel, trying to dress up the dogs: “Xochi, come here!” (Lily the poodle comes instead.) “You’re not Xochi, but okay.” Lily was really into dressup and left in a new T-shirt.

“I put on 3 different outfits and I get a treat, is that how it works?” -Vaiva.

The escape room/party has been decided on the 18th, so that’s done. Unclear if there will be birthday festivities on the 15th as well, not involving those who got cast in shows.

I have also decided that this year, I think I will only audition for shows with large casts, nothing small any more. I am clearly not going to get into small cast shows where everyone is picky about who they cast. I’m just not good enough for a show like that, or I don’t fit the roles, or I’m not in their theater club, or whatever it is. And even though I try to be cool about it, I am apparently not cool about it. Sigh. Yeah, yeah, I know, rejection is typical and not personal, etc., but is it really doing anything for me when I try to be all cool and froody and “I’m just doing this for fun!” and somehow days later still come out of it brooding and whiny and feeling dumb that I tried? Especially when it’s a show all my friends did get in, rather than auditioning with a bunch of strangers for a show I don’t care too much about. That is unfortunately bothering me more than I’d like. If I know I’m not good enough to be picked out of a herd, I might as well not bother and just audition when I may have an actual shot at being an extra at least again.

Meg has gone to bed way early (like 8) because she’s so tired after spinning group. I kinda wanted to argue with her about this since I leave tomorrow and we definitely won’t see each other for quite some time (her winter is very busy with trips), but I can’t be the asshole who argues with Tired, especially since I’m already the asshole night owl who’s literally only tired when she’s not allowed to be tired.

But before she went to bed, we discussed last night’s reading material and how she doesn’t get the weird head games that go on these days (well, neither do I):

“If he didn’t like you he wouldn’t have given you that card.”
“In my mind he’s giving you a different message than that.”
“Seems like you are doing a good job of it if he keeps talking to you, keep doing what you’re doing.”
“What’s a pattern you can create that would feel right to you?”

“If you like someone, let them know you like them.”
“Friendship and kindness are very, very seductive.”
“This other stuff makes your head go off its rocker.”
“Wouldn’t it be fun to just go out and have fun with him without having to worry about any of this stuff?”
“If you just default to loving him, he’ll get used to that.”

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