Chaos Attraction

I Can't Stand Empty Counters

2020-01-12, 7:05 p.m.

I woke up at 5 a.m. again. God, what a waste of a Sunday to not be able to sleep in.

Response from Scott via text this morning: thanks for the gifts, that’s so kind of you, Freddie is awesome! I said you’re welcome, and that was it for that.

In other news, I spent the day moving crap out of the house. Seven boxes and household goods. SPCA refused to take the toaster oven and told me to make an appointment, I said I’d rather throw it in the dumpster because I need to get rid of this shit NOW while I still have the energy. I ended up leaving it on a street corner and it was gone in an hour. Hope someone else uses it! There were nine bags of yarn that I took to the Craft Center. There is so much construction going on that there is no longer any way to drive anything out there. And by the time I slogged upstairs to the free yarn stash was cleared out and a fancy table was being installed. I was all "fuck this, I canNOT take any of this back,” and left all of it in the sewing scrap bin section, fuck it. I did not even have the energy to drag it back down to the general free table at that point.

Getting rid of stuff, especially the proper way rather than via Dumpster, is exhausting. (And because someone’s wondering, no, I’m NOT reading those articles about how doing this is pointless, I cannot deal with that). I was going to go to the gym afterwards, but I guess some event was going on because there was no parking and I was too tired to go look elsewhere and just went home and cleaned some more.

While the counters are almost entirely clear in the hallway and kitchen--and it’s REALLY BUGGING ME, I feel the urge to spread things on them RIGHT NOW, it’s AWFUL to see an empty counter for some stupid reason!-- alas, the yarn mess looks to be about the same regardless of getting rid of nine bags of junky yarn I got off free tables. It’s slightly less of an avalanche in the living room, I’ll put it that way.

I was texting with Melinda about this and I said that the issue is that if I put things Nice And Neat And Away, out of sight, then I forget it’s there. I forgot I had all kinds of stuff while I was looking here. But if I leave it out where I can see it, then I’m tripping over it, like my yarn and the clothing bags. I wish I had room for like, a bunch of clear bins or something, but I don’t.

I also heard from Jackie, whose marathon at Disney World was shut down due to 100% humidity and a lot of people collapsing in the medical tent...but other than hurting her knee and being annoyed that they ended the marathon a mile and a half from the finish, she’s okay by comparison.

I’m still working on the kitchen table project avalanche (which got worse during the sorting), but that’s about half purged out after doing some clearing. It’s so much effort to figure out where to try to put stuff, if there’s anywhere I can put say, a ton of framed things since I never ever put framed things nicely on a wall either and never figured out “stud finder” or whatever you’re supposed to do. I actually gave away all of the wall hanging stuff I bought years ago because I never got that to work right.

I still need to clean out the craft corner by the kitchen table, maybe go through other craft items that aren’t yarn, maybe see if I want to get rid of craft books, and definitely go through the entire bookcase I have of books I got off free tables to see if I want to read any of that, ever. It’s too much.

Maybe I’ll go through my clothes again, I don’t know. I did a big purge last year (and then proceeded to not actually take them anywhere all year long...last year’s purge just left today, actually) and well, still have a lot of clothes I don’t want to get rid of. Though I admit at this point the worst of the lot is bags of souvenir T-shirts and T-shirt reconstruction clothes I used to really be into making several years ago and have kind of not been so into of late. I don’t think I’m quite ready to dispose of all of them, but I am not really wearing them much these days either, as they’re a little casual for how I’m dressing most of the time. Disposing of craft projects that had issues is an issue because you don’t want to abandon it, but nobody else will ever want it either. Sigh.

It’s a shame that cleaning doesn’t make me happy at all, just exhausted. I wish I enjoyed it more. Or even enjoyed/cared about the results, but all I ever feel is some slight relief that I moved boxes out of the hallway.

I also feel whiny and mopey in general and in particular and you can figure out what I mean by that. Seriously, January makes me lose the will to live, and it hasn’t even been the usual buckets of rain going on yet. I’m cold and sad and bored and have the blahs. Very little of my usual interests are appealing to do (CC, improv classes) and somehow I don't want to sign up for anything. Time and space and waiting around suck rancid donkey balls. The only January I ever liked in my life was the one where I had rehearsals for a show, and...yeah, couldn’t do that again.

I did, however, book my trip to Pantheacon. So there’s something. Under $500 for it in total, compared to the storytelling conference. It’s the last year, and by god, I am going. I admit I was holding off booking because it starts on February 14, but...yeah, right. Fuck it. I might as well have plans to occupy myself that will be hella distracting on that day.

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