Much like SecraTerri, back when I had a job that forced me to spend most of my time on the phone, I had zero interest in spending all night long on the phone as well. If a friend called on a weeknight, I would inwardly groan, knowing that the next two to three hours of my night (and I only had six hours of my own free time per night) would be gone. I've spent many minutes in my life hearing a phone ring and ring and debating whether or not to answer it, because I was REALLY not in the mood for conversation right now. (Not wanting to have to call someone back and put it on my bill, however, usually forced me to pick up.) Likewise, when I was home on a morning and the phone would ring when I'd been sleeping, I would do the same thing. I REALLY didn't want to wake up and talk to some salesbastard, thankyouverymuch, especially when I was pissed off because they'd woken me up on one of the few days I could sleep in.

So in the last couple of weeks, we've been getting phone calls nearly every morning. Once it was the interview for Hillary, once it was the temp agency for me, but the rest of the time the phone starts ringing at about 10:30 or so. Now under any normal, non-job-seeking circumstances, I would not answer the phone at all during the day. Usually the only people who call then anyway are telemarketers. However� now I am in job-seeking mode. Now if the phone rings, it might actually be for me, and with a temp job for me, so I'd better answer it.

That said, I get tired of waking up, thinking "Why answer it, it's only a telemarketer," remember that it might be an employer, pulling myself out of bed and lunging for the phone on the fourth ring and trying to sound perky when I answer� only to get several phone calls in a row from somebody looking for Michael.

So I was reading Wil again today and he was talking about the Saturn Return in astrology. And boy, does that give me the wiggins.

"Astrologers call the period between ages twenty-eight and thirty "Saturn Return." That's because it's the first time the planet Saturn completes its cycle through your birth chart and returns to the spot it occupied when you were born.

For most of us, ending a phase of life that is familiar and embarking on one that is new and untried is unsettling, even painful. Few people describe Saturn Return as a pleasant period.

The first Saturn Return marks the end of youth and the beginning of the productive adult years. It is now that you truly become an adult--not at eighteen or twenty-one. This transition into adulthood is often accompanied by a sense of urgency, a feeling that you must try to accomplish

everything you've ever wanted or planned to do now. Goals start to come sharply into focus. If you have not settled into a definite career, or have been pursuing one that is inappropriate for you, you'll experience a strong push to establish yourself in a more fulfilling occupation. Sometimes this means a complete change.

According to California astrologer Stephen Arroyo, author of Astrology, Karma and Transformation, "The quality of the entire experience and the extent to which it is felt to be a 'difficult' time depends entirely on how one has lived during the previous twenty-nine years." If you have been pursuing an unsuitable vocation or merely fulfilling someone else's expectations, Saturn can be relentless in prodding you to make adjustments.

Saturn Return almost always requires some major adjustments in lifestyle, attitudes, and relationships. Anything you have outgrown, or have tolerated but not found satisfying, must end now or be altered to meet your emerging needs. Often interpersonal relationships are deeply affected by Saturn Return. Gail Sheehy writes in Passages: Predictable Crises in Adult Life that during this period "Almost everyone who is married will question that commitment." The U.S. Census Bureau lists the peak divorce years as ages twenty-eight to thirty. But a relationship begun before the partners knew what they really wanted is likely to fall apart. Relationships that start during this period may have a "fated" or "karmic" quality about them."

I was dating and/or friends with the ex from when he was 28 to 31. Boy, does that explain a lot.

But you know what frightens me about this? Is that my entire life has essentially been DOING a Saturn return already since I was 20. That's four years now and showing no stoppage any time soon on the chaotic change, folks. It is driving me batty. And the LAST thing I want to hear about in my future is that when I'm about to hit 30 (seven years), my entire life will go to shit and get completely thrown around like this AGAIN. Especially when you start asking around and find that most people did, in fact, have a chaotic thirtyish time. Honestly, I don't want to lose any relationship I might have by then/lose whatever job I have then/go insane and decide I want children and/or a house/whatever. I'm tired of chaos already. It doesn't help either knowing that right now I have to change professions and I know that the clerical life isn't my ultimate goal. Guess who's gonna end up freaking out about THAT in a few years, too? Oy. Vey.

Okay, I was just looking around for other horoscopes (see below), and found this old list for 2001. Well, apparently I was having a Saturn shitting-on-me period for the last two years... if only it had freaking ENDED last year!

"The main culprit in your chart has been Saturn on your Sun, giving extra weight to whatever burden you had to carry. A Saturn transit is never easy, which is perhaps why we only experience one only two or possibly three times in our lifetime (Saturn arrives in this position to stay for thirty months, every 29 years). Think back to June 1998, when Saturn arrived in Taurus. You must agree that you are a much more mature person now than you were back then, at the beginning of Saturn's visit. Saturn requires complete attention and commitment to relationships and tasks, so no doubt you gave your all to whatever you trained your attention upon. Saturn brings heavy responsibility and involves circumstances that require slow and steady work to overcome, so you'll be glad to hear that by late April you'll be completely free of Saturn's constraints."

Alas, the rest of it just keeps saying "all the problems you've been having with people will be over/resolved by April or so", which didn't happen in real life. And while sure, I got a promotion at work, that well, you know. No bloody wonder I tend to discount all generalized horoscopes like that.

Continuing on the disturbing astrology front, we ended up talking about this stuff on 3WA chat for awhile, and Sara recommended this site. So I'm sitting around and trying out all the freebie horoscope stuff, and I stupidly decided it would be a great idea to get my six-month forecast. Oh lord, is it bad. End of chaos? Hell no. Here's what it said:

March 12-April 27: "Your love life and relationships in general will be unpredictable and difficult during this time. You may suddenly become involved in relationships that are quite different from what you would normally expect. If your relationships usually go along from day to day without much excitement, you may suddenly want one that is more exciting. You may be attracted to people who are quite different from yourself in age, class background or personality. At the same time the relationships you seek will be ones that are not binding, that allow you more freedom to come and go. This desire is not always conscious, so you may think you are looking for a stable and peaceful relationship, but instead you become involved in something unpredictable and unreliable. It is actually your own desire not to be committed that is making the relationship unstable.

A new relationship that comes along at this time may not prove very lasting or reliable. As long as it introduces excitement into your life, it is fine, but as soon as it becomes routine one of you will probably want out."

I NEVER have any interest in quickie, fun, shallow, "different" relationships. At all. I don't want one. Ugh. Note to self: stay indoors for two months to avoid dates.

May 3-May 20: (summarized, as a lot of this was repetitive) Soul-searchy, move forward in your work (what work?) and work harder, seeing a shrink or meditating would be good now. Okay, not bad as long as I have a job by then.

They had three different influences for this period of time:

May 18-May 28: (again, summarized) You'll be full of energy and wanting to strive for success, but you're going to get resistance from others, especially if you're not "completely scrupulous" about your methods. You may not want to challenge anyone, but you may end up provoking people in power, even if you don't intend to. In other words, oh fuckola, and doesn't that kinda negate the previous happy moving-forward period?

You'll want to do something different from your normal routine, and will be more receptive to new ideas. Okay, that's not so bad, but combined with the other, it makes me wonder.

More mental activity, you'll have the desire to communicate something important to others- but it may not be all that important. Make sure you listen to the responses you get.

This time is full of optimism and positive feelings, and you may do some writing at this time (good). Don't overextend yourself. You may encounter a lot of resistance to your ideas, which may be wrong. You know what, I don't think I'm going to be all that thrilled with how my May is going. Fights aplenty, apparently. But guess what, it only gets worse from here on in!

May 29-June 14: "This is a time of extreme inner conflict, which can severely undermine your effectiveness with others. You will become extremely self-critical and uncertain about the ideals by which you structure your life, as well as about the structure itself.

You make very great demands upon yourself, and you feel you must live up to them. But they are very far removed from what you should realistically expect. You will almost certainly fail to live up to these ideals, so you will be acutely disappointed in yourself. Your self-condemnation is unjustified but very convincing at this time.

Guilt, remorse for alleged "past sins," feelings of unfulfilled responsibilities, depression and self doubt are all characteristic of this time. But you must remember that everything seems worse than it really is. Sometimes you have an irrational sense of fear or apprehension, when your world seems to be populated by ghosts that haunt you. Illusion is indistinguishable from reality. Clearly this can be one of the most difficult of all influences. Actually your ideas about the world are being changed, and the first step is a process of disintegration that leaves you feeling extremely disoriented. If you can, it would be a good idea to go into some kind of retreat or at least try to minimize the demands of the everyday world for awhile. And as you simplify your life in this way, concentrate on the very concrete aspects of reality. Don't involve yourself in abstractions, for you can become lost in them. Deal with everything on a very mundane, practical level, until your sense of equilibrium begins to return. This is not a particularly good time to study the occult or psychic disciplines unless past study has given you a strong sense of proportion in these matters." If I have a job by then, I won't be able to "retreat," hello? Anyway, UGH on this.

June 23-July 1: "This influence will help you gain greater intellectual insights and enable you to learn a great deal about whatever you wish to study. At the same time your viewpoints will become deeper and more subtle so that you will really understand ideas that you had grasped only superficially. This is a good time to study a new subject, go to school or take courses on any subject. But you will be most attracted to subjects that explain phenomena in depth, especially the hidden aspects of things. Under this influence you may also meet someone who has a very powerful effect upon your consciousness, perhaps a friend who influences your thinking greatly or a guru figure who opens up the universe to you. You can be taught under this influence, and you can also teach. Your words carry more weight at this time because the depth of your perceptions is evident to others. And you should not limit your communication to direct conversations, you should use other media to teach as well. If you have any inclination to write, this is a good time to do it, especially on subjects such as psychotherapy or the occult.

Another aspect of this influence is that it will make you more concerned with studies of hidden and secret things, such as psychology, magic or other occult traditions, or studies of what is hidden in the earth, such as mining, mineralogy and geology. You want to understand the forces under the surface that cause events to happen. You will study any subject you choose in depth and with complete single-mindedness, so that you will be able to cover a new discipline completely in a short time. During this time you may acquire a new skill in a much shorter time than at other times in the past."

In short, doesn't this all just sound like major emotional wringer time until the end of June? Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

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