Collage club today: did a meditation in which we talked to someone again. I basically vented all the things I can't socially say...not that that does anything, imaginarily speaking, I suppose. But I'm not going to have blunt and honest conversations about how I feel with anyone. I know that my whining about not feeling like I can really talk is not gonna go well. I didn't have much to say other than work went better this week. No, really, and I will focus on stuff that I do like about the job (coworkers, the times when I am just typing stuff and not answering questions) and not be so much with the suicide talk, because that kind of freaked Jade out (see below).
Doreen and Meg have had a lot of family deaths this month (including Doreen's husband/Meg's brother, anniversary of that is coming up), so February is hard for them. I hear ya, that's how I feel about January, except with less death.

Jade and I had a conversation as to whether or not if you say things, they actually come true. Like, yes, I get that whole "the universe doesn't hear when you say I don't want X, the universe translates that into I want X" thing, though I'm not sure about it. But Jade thinks if you say stuff it happens, which is why I shouldn't be wishing for death due to my job. Whereas I am all, in my experience, manifesting stuff only works SOME of the time, not ALL of it. I think it works if the universe and/or the other people involved are also on board with the idea. I wanted to get onto a team at the Comedy Spot, but they didn't want me. Admittedly, this is probably because that way I ended up eventually going to Winters instead. I've tried to manifest getting into certain plays, and some I did (should I have been in Coney Island? Obviously not!) and some I did not (10 minute plays, nope). And frankly, nothing's gone right with looking for other jobs and I'm tired of it all, and at this point I have a list of what I don't want rather than what I do, so....shrug. Sometimes things work and sometimes they don't, and we don't know why. Maybe it's because you're supposed to find something different/better, or the timing's off, or whatever.

Quotes from today:
"You can't put a lie into a vision board." -Meg
"The answers don't come out the way you want it to." -Sarah Brown
"The universe's time has not always been my time." -Doreen
"If I want the treehouse to be magical, I have to put energy into it." -Meg (yes, she has a treehouse above her aviary, yes, she climbs up into it at age 70, that's awesome)
Sarah also told a story about how the rent was going up and she was looking for new housing and got the message in her brain, "Buy a house. " To which she was all "nonononono," and then got "Buy a house." "Signs come when you lease expect them to come." -Sarah

After that ended, I went outside on the patio. Nobody was smoking, yay. Saw Reggie again. Since I last saw him, he's gotten a Covid-related job that let him get both vaccinations, and got engaged and they're ah, eloping soon and moving to Woodland. So, good for him. Literally nothing new had happened to me! I just walked around outside while the neighbors watched the Super Bowl (why yes, my neighbor is throwing another party, whyever do you ask?), what else is there to do. (I don't really care on those teams and I really just watched most sports with my dad around, so no point these days.) But hey, it meant that pretty much nobody was outside!

I'm not sure what to make of this news: Woodminster is reopening again this summer, outside, with less people and smaller musicals. But they will have filming/streaming for those who can't come in person, so yay there. I'll still get to see things if I'm still locked in all summer.

The Moth is actually doing a "Love Hurts" slam show online tomorrow! I signed up. One of the few pandemic blessings: ain't no way I could go to a Moth show on a weeknight in the Bay Area (the traffic, oh, the traffic), but I can now! And should I actually be called on--which I doubt for this one--I've got a story ready, even though it was more appropriate for "Swoon" last night than tonight's "Love Hurts." Oh well, it kind of relates.

Oh, I forgot to mention this one: a few days ago Mom called to tell me that her old manager died by committing suicide. While in the mental hospital, no less. The family is all, "How did this happen?" I'm not sure if one sues for malpractice or not under those circumstances, but it sounds like they should at least consider it? I feel like all the shows/movies make a big deal of making sure nobody can do themselves in while in those places, so what happened here?

Tonight's Pick A Card for Valentine's Day is all hopeful and "you will hear from this person" and "you won't be single for long." I both like hearing this and then at the same time it feels like lying to myself, you know?

Dear Seanan: I relate.

Tonight's Viewing: Hallmark, Beverly Hills Wedding.

Maid of honor decides to enter her sister in a free wedding contest, and they win. This also includes the best man, i.e. her ex. Awkward!

I love how obviously they need to use the Weezer song in this movie, except they bleep the word "crap" and have what I am guessing is an imitation boy band singing the song. I love the song, mind you, and I would have been disappointed had they not used it, given the plot of the thing. But it's cracking me up that they have a speedier, cleaner version that they seem to be rushing through as the characters arrive.

I should probably note that the groom wasn't consulted on this contest entering, though it was vaguely mentioned to the bride. Groom is all "I thought we'd get married at a church, or our farm," and "What, they're filming us?" I also note that these 30something guys are all, "we're not that into social media." I'm gonna take a wild guess here that these two are going to bail on literally a free wedding to have a farm wedding at home for not quite as free. Call it a hunch.

The groom demands daisies for the wedding, to which the Beverly Hills people are all "that would clash." The groom is all "literally this is the ONLY THING I'VE ASKED FOR IN THIS WEDDING." Now, in all honesty, I am not into the groom. He's kinda boring and is always going on about how he just wants to be back on the farm already and really, not my type. I know I should feel bad for the poor groom having his feelings about his wedding ignored, but part of me just wants to be FREE WEDDING, DUDE. I DO NOT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS. Also, I rather like Terence the wedding planner, even if he's a bit richie-rich. He's a gentleman.

On a related note, I did not take notes on this, but I did watch the season finale of Good Witch, Season 3 earlier and that also had a plot of two people wanting to get married, except the bride's mother wants literally the most expensive wedding she can do in small town Middleton, Illinois. Like she fires all the locals hired to do the wedding, fires the groom's mother and then demotes her to assistant (and that lady is fairly pushy herself, so that took some doing), brings in her own people, kind of brings back the locals to still make her deal with her, and otherwise annoys the shit out of everyone in Middleton except everyone is too polite to say anything. Finally, the bride and groom get fed up, refuse her wedding, and insist on doing it at City Hall. Hallmark, always pimping the small town wedding.

This was kind of amusing to me because this is probably literally the most annoyed I have ever seen Cassie "Good Witch" Nightingale. The woman is utterly, tranquillizingly calm at all times, which is really strange since she definitely went through some shit (being orphaned, foster care) in her youth. She is pretty much never upset, even if something temporarily bad happens to her or if someone dies. The most annoyed I've ever seen this woman was when the pushy mom asks if all of her wedding people can stay at Cassie's B&B and Cassie is all, "Sorry, I'm having the place painted," and after the mom disses something or other Cassie suggested, she just quietly says, "I hope you find what you're looking for." Look, on a scale of 1-10 for anger where Cassie is perpetually at a 0, this was a 0.2 and that's a lot for her.

Back to Beverly Hills:
At the champagne tasting: "What if we had beer?" says the groom. "Jordan! This is a wedding, not a frat party!" Seriously this guy is reminding me of a particularly hick guy I took Family Living with in high school who wanted a wedding with hay bales and crap like that. I'm told his wedding was high class because the bride's grandmother has money. Now the bride is balking at the wedding gowns, sigh. If we're gonna have a show about a Beverly Hills wedding, why can't we have anyone (other than the maid of honor) actually enjoying the experience? Watching people look sad at the fancy and the bride going "I want a dress just like my mom's!" is just a downer. Ditto the groom having "a palate of a 6-year-old's birthday" of "can't I just pick between chocolate and vanilla?" "The salted caramel seems the most...normal...."

Okay, I just want to know where this is going since the maid of honor and best man are still at least somewhat more enjoying this than the sulky bride and groom. Hm, do you think that despite the fact that these two were last together in high school, they might end up with the fancy wedding instead? Even though their spontaneously getting married after barely reuniting would be weird?

HALLMARK GAY WATCH: THERE IS A MARRIED GAY COUPLE IN THIS MOVIE. ALERT THE MEDIA. Also, they have a giant mansion.

The Music of Suspense plays when "seaweed bonbons" are on the table. I admit I eat seaweed and I still think those look strange and hinky. UH-OH, THE DREADED "COMFORT FOOD" is mentioned. I remember that coming up in some other wedding movie! The seaweed bonbons are the last straw, the bride and groom mutiny, and there will be no Beverly Hills Wedding after all.... OR IS THERE?!?! Because after Terence the wedding planner and his husband sample the groom's homemade jam, they realize that Terence lost his way, so why don't we do a free farm wedding? "I will bring Beverly Hills to you." I find it hard to imagine that the B&G would be thrilled with this (certainly not the groom), but Terence is all "You have to wear her dress" and all is well, I guess. "We have a Beverly Hills wedding to throw! In Oregon!" It is a very nice outdoor wedding, I have to say. Looks fancy, while outdoors. Also, the winning essay is finally read aloud at the wedding.

As for the actual Hallmark couple, Brooke d'Orsay and Brendan Penny: I like both actors, they're cute together, I just feel like this movie didn't really spend much time on the romance between them somehow?

A Brush With Love: OH THIS PLOT SOUNDS NUTTY FUN. (Also, as it turns out, related to earlier in the day.)

Jamie, a painter, hasn't painted in a year and she's getting depressed about not ever winning a festival. "I don't know how to make it more than a dream," she says. So her bestie Ava tells her to make a vision board. Jamie is all, yeah, that's because you took action. "My vision board helped me REALIZE what I wanted," bestie claims. Bestie's peripatetic brother Max is now moving in next door (they seem to be sharing a building, actually?) to Jamie. Jamie is unthrilled. "Every time I'm around you I get hurt or humiliated." "With you everything's a joke. On me." She also mentions that he wrote her love letters for a year to "make me think I had a secret admirer." Max seems to want to object to that last characterization. Meanwhile, a hot guy with an accent, Michael, wants to take a painting class. Anyway, after Jamie finally does her painting vision board, she doesn't plan on showing it to the showcase lady, but showcase lady thinks her old landscapes are 'a bit forced," so the bestie drags out her vision board. Vision board wins! I do think the painting looks really cool, though. After Michael gives her a flower like on the vision board, she gets all OOH IT'S THE DUDE ON MY VISION BOARD.

I feel very bad for Max and this whole "secret admirer prank" thing. He's so obviously In Love Forever and she's all blase. "I wrote it. Really, I wrote it," he says. She still doesn't clue in. Geeeeeeez. Btw, Michael's involved with the arts festival. "It's a happy coincidence," he says, but "I can't display a painting of a shadowy man giving me a rose Michael gave me...." etc. Jamie freaks out. Jamie can't get out of this. "He is literally my vision board come to life...somehow...." she says. But something's missing? Jamie, you shouldn't have to convince yourself, someone else says.

Max comes over to bring her cookies and they get into a very decorous paint fight by brushing paint onto each other's cheeks. They have an extremely cute cuddly moment. Jamie tactfully breaks off the dating with Michael, as she's just not feeling it. Meanwhile, Max gives her a branch of similar pink flowers (and an IPA). She pulls out the two flowers and compares them. He also makes her a French meal since she wants to go to Paris. Max finally confesses that he was NOT pretending OR a joke on the secret admirer thing, but he chickened out on the meeting. 15 years later, he's still an admirer. Awwwww. She says thank you for telling me, I really don't know what to say, spending time with you has been great, but....what if you flake off again like you're always doing? (To be fair, he's had a crush on you for 16 years....) Can I think about it? Let's eat these cheesy potatoes, she says. Good lord, this is only slightly less awkward than "Snowkissed" last week. Very much the same notes, here.

Jamie finishes another painting. The lady likes it. Max's sister is all, "I don't want you sweeping Jamie off her feet" and then not committing. Also, she just broke it off with a guy who wanted to commit to be with you. Don't hurt her. Max thinks. Then after the commercial break, he tells her to be with Michael because he can commit. Jamie is all, you pursued ME, what the heck? "I want you to be happy." That's not it, you're just flaky. She goes home and LITERALLY PAINTS HIM OUT OF THE PAINITNG SHE PUT HIM IN. Oh good lord, girl. Weren't you supposed to submit that or something? She has not turned it in, so she's not in the show. God, seriously, girl, YOU HAVE TO SUBMIT IF YOU WANT TO WIN THE SHOW. What the hell is the point here?! She starts over again, then tries to wheedle the lady into letting the new painting in the show. This sorta works? Then she finds out that her bestie told Max to back off (?) and he did. Wowza. Max has just landed a permanent job so he can stick around. (And he cleans up nice in a suit.) He wants to be with her, they almost kiss. It's cute. Then she wants to show him the painting instead. The new painting is... a self-portrait of herself, with light? Huh. I was not expecting that.

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