Chaos Attraction

Invisible Disabilities

2021-02-25, 10:27 p.m.

Wednesday, I did not finish my 750 words. I ruined my streak. This is all I did:

I now have more chocolate wine. That is the news of the day. I also finished the Big Project of the week, which involved a lot of tedious proofreading and my coworkers' eyes glazing over on Zoom while I did that. Then I discovered after I submitted it that two people are somehow NOT on it and I have no idea why, because they should have been. I have no way to check a thousand plus people to Really Make Sure....sigh. I pulled it and resubmitted it again.

Other than that, I am drained and tired. I am ridiculously tired after all of that proofreading. Like it's 6:42 and I want to go lie in bed even if I'm not quite tired enough to sleep.


I failed at my 750 words last night. I seriously went to bed at 7 and read, tried to fall asleep at 8 p.m., then Mom started texting me around 9:45 and we were having a deep text conversation till like 11:30 about Dad and things like that. (I told her that if anything like that happens to me, please let me die, and she said Roger feels the same and that she should have let Dad go faster.) Then I went back to sleep, so basically I was in bed for over 12 hours. That was how my day went.

I have certain people (my mom, Meg) who like to tell me that I should start out with the intention that I'm going to have a Good Day Today! This categorically does not work at my job, because from 8 a.m. on it went to immediate shit. I mentioned turning in Big Project yesterday? Well, the printer Had A Problem with it, so I had to cancel the order. And a few people added last minute stuff, so I added it to the order while fixing the one thing they rejected it for. This is what led to me figuring out that...I didn't actually count but I'd bet it was probably at least a hundred people had somehow been LEFT OFF the ordering tool. Why? Who the hell knows?! So I'm shitting myself in fear because (a) I'm going to have to tell Grandboss this, (b) as far as I can tell it was the ordering tool that was broken, and WE CAN'T GET THAT FIXED because that's an orphaned program, and (c) it's going to be a nightmare from there.... So I told my coworkers this and we got on Zoom and Hope was all, "Let's try downloading it again just to make sure it's not us before we report."

It was me. Or at least the thing didn't fully work when I did it and everyone watched me do it, but it was totally fine when Dianna did it. SIGH. (Why am I always the one with the freaky computer issues?) Well, at least I didn't have to report it to Grandboss, even if I had to start the entire thing over from scratch. That was my morning. By 1ish, my coworkers and I were so brain dead we were all "Let's not do anything else hard until tomorrow." I was seriously ready to get drunk halfway through the day.

We did have a "water cooler" (i.e. group chat hangout) meeting with Grandboss later (awkwardly, it was just her, me, and my former bully at first and I was all "god, this would be so much worse right now if it wasn't Zoom") and mostly she was going on about being in a sweat lodge, passing out, and finding out who her real friends were. Somehow talks of sweat lodges led to Teresa showing us a shot of her armory and talking about how at her old job she once had a two handed battleax shipped there and then she ran around showing it to people. Shockingly, they banned weapons in the office after that.

Dianna and I had gone to this and Hope hadn't (she's not too into the "water cooler" hangouts even though I point out it's a work meeting where you don't actually have to do work at it, so you might as well go!), so I was messaging her about what she was missing! Grandboss, who used to work in records for the police department, said something about how people in records weren't supposed to have weapons, which led to some snark and Dianna being all "then I'm not mentioning mine!"

During lunchtime at Yarn Club, Dawn said that she finally was able to get Loretta somewhere to get a shot. She was going to take her to a hospital on Saturday and then they canceled because they are indefinitely out of vaccine, so she rebooked at Walgreens's and got one yesterday. Yemi said that she's getting hers on Saturday (her HMO is very good about this, mine is a complete toilet). Both of them do we phrase it, politely got on me a bit? about trying to sign up for getting a shot somewhere. Dawn was actually doing the "talking slow to you like you're stupid" thing, which was entirely legitimate (no judgments, Dawn, I deserved it) since this meeting was right after I'd finished the whole work project drama and I was scrambled as shit and a crazy person.

So, for the record: (a) According to the state's MyTurn website, I am not eligible for vaccine. (b) According to my HMO, I am not eligible for vaccine. (c) According to my county (only?), I am eligible. (d) The only place that will allow shots for people in my industry is Walgreen's, which I signed up for. (e) You will be unshocked to learn that Walgreen's is out of appointments.

After work, I watched the "Invisible Disabilities" comedy show, because that's a thing we do here, hosted by that professor I liked back in the day (and she's doing another Saturday).

Lines from the show:
"I had to break up with my therapist. She wore sandals in the rain." I totally agree. The new one "wears Timberland boots in the rain, like a normal human being."
"In case you can't tell from my hair, I have a white husband." (I confess I'm not sure on that one, but was amused anyway.)
"I'm catcalling people's food, you guys."
"Middle schoolers: NOT HELPFUL PEOPLE."
"I'm a nature guide. My job is to interrupt people and point out birds. I'd still do that anyway."
One lady is calling her kids "Savage, Classy, Boujie, Ratchet." She notes that all of her Google ads are alcohol. "This was all one day on Facebook and Instagram."
"My kids are all fine and loved, I have to legally say that during the show." She doesn't miss people because "I made too many people." "My kids have to be at school on time AND I have to clean my living room? Shut up."
"Some of you might be wondering what my disability is. It's not alcoholism." "Doctors are stupid and we can keep that theme going." She got asked if she was under stress and "I laughed for 4 minutes straight."
"I'm at the point in quarantine where I'm jealous of my dreams, anyone else?" (Me too!)
"I'm not so much surviving the pandemic so much as I'm surviving a hostage situation."
"I can't go up to a regular dude and go, My pee stinks." "I think my parents are gout."
"I got married in 2020 and that shit was depressing."
"A bunch of people have died, but my mood is terrific. That's weird, right?"
"I still masturbate because it's my only form of exercise." "I feel like I'm making love to my house."
"I'm so unrelatable, why do I do comedy?"
"Sometimes I feel the need to apologize for my mere existence." Me too!
Roommate of the previous comedian: "We're on the same masturbation cycle...."
After weight loss, "I found my dick, you guys!" "I was gonna be the biggest ho you ever seen, and then Covid hit." "I might be the first person in the history of the world to go to Bakersfield to cheer up."
"Living with my family is really near and dear to my budget right now."
"Guys don't care if you're dying, they still wanna get their dick in there." After having surgery and no longer pooping out of her butthole: "I can say that I have the cleanest butt hole in this Zoom room." She calls her ostomy bag the "gift bag from hell." "I know guys, tough sell on Tinder." "Most guys don't give a bag of shit."
"'My dog always thinks I have treats for her. Oh no, sweetheart, you don't want the treats in THIS bag." She's even going to get her entire butthole removed in a month, "which is actually to be celebrated, one less asshole in comedy."
On her stutter on Zoom: "People think their Internet just broke." "The bravest thing he's ever seen is me doing standup comedy. Take that, Covid professionals." "I don't fake my stuttering and I don't fake my orgasms." "If the other person would just shut up, I'd finish faster."
"Social justice through dick jokes doesn't pay." Except in Montana where she makes $8 an hour. "What is the impact of stuttering on oral sex? Men think there's an extra vibration. It's really hard to stutter with that in your mouth."

In other news, Jackie has set up an Instagram and website for her baking photos. I find it interesting that she claims it's a fake business, but has definitely set it up to take payments for custom well, shall we say, expensive prices. I will be interested to see if she actually gets any sales.... I suspect she might, actually! She claimed she priced it so high that nobody would buy it, but she is in the Bay Area, so....

My mom sent me a Minnie Mouse themed bird feeder/craft project for kids, which I am attempting to glue together, and a pair of tiny hoop earrings to keep my holes going in, I guess. I have put them in since I am a bit concerned that they'll grow back together--there's no point in wearing earrings these days (especially with masks) so once in a while I poke a pair through the holes just to check they're still there. So far I don't seem to be allergic to them, so yay. Apparently they are rose gold and ah, quite expensive so don't lose them! I hope I don't like, have them fall off in bed or something.

Also, I got the bright idea to send Scott a link about the secret binary code on the Mars rover I figured fine, he just ignores me again or whatever, but it'll be...heh heh heh...foreshadowing. I did this circa 9 p.m. or so, which maybe made a difference because he actually responded! I sent it to him with a comment about "I miss escape rooms" and he agreed with that. I wrote back about them having online ones and he said how do you do that, and I said I don't know yet since the one I signed up for was canceled, but it looks like some of them are trivia and others are more like, everyone works on one puzzle at a time and are led though it.

So, go me on that one.

previous entry - next entry
archives - current entry
hosted by