Chaos Attraction

Nobody Likes A Lady With An Ego

2019-03-03, 9:41 p.m.

I didn’t do much today besides be tired, go to the gym, go grocery shopping and go watch A Star Is Born (Again). They have a deleted-scenes version out for just this week and Sunday night was the only free time I’d have to catch it. I really liked the deleted scenes--more happy stuff and singing so it was good to see that.

You know, I really just wish I could be a professional singer and a shiny star a la Gaga. I can’t sing for shit really and I am average looking at best so I can never just be fabulous on a stage, but I always wish.

You know what the problem is with me really? In most of life I have no ego or crushed ego. I feel terrible about myself frequently at work--which is to say any time I have contact with customers--and I don’t think my writing is ever good enough to work on publishing it, blah blah blah there. I am perfectly fine with my crafts--I feel fine and normal and content with how that goes usually. It’s a good balance.

But when it comes to performing, I think that I am better than I really am, and that’s a problem. When it comes to performing I am smug and have ego and think I’m great. But I’m NOT great at anything that isn’t storytelling. At best I am mediocre and I’m just not seeing what other people see there, and I need to. I need to crush myself when it comes to that topic because nobody likes a lady with a head full of herself.

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