Work was a fucking nightmare:

Lioness starts griping at me about why I don't delete emails where I have to wait for someone to respond and I marked them off as pending response. Apparently I have to hide them out of her sight or she's bothered. Greaaaaaaaaaaat. I thought I didn't have to do that shit any more once Tigress left, but here we are again. I wanted to say "you're out of here in a week and I have to deal with this for eternity, why do YOU get to dictate to ME how the box is handled?!," but I know how life goes, and yes, she does, because everyone does and I'm only going to get in trouble if I say things like "if I delete anything here I get in trouble when someone wants it a year later."

All staff meeting today, Interim Big Boss's last meeting as such before the new one rotates in. I can't be arsed to fucking care about the new one, honestly. I get the feeling IBB is vaguely kinda cranky about how things have been going lately, but what can you do. Yemi apparently knows the guy via Zoom and said he seemed nice and go-getter-y.

Then IBB went on about yet again, the stupid staff engagement survey and PLEASE FILL IT OUT, WE ARE LITERALLY BRIBING PEOPLE WITH CHARITY DONATIONS TO FILL IT OUT (seriously). But here's the fun thing: apparently GiantOrg is very concerned with people wanting to leave, because we got to see a slide of what whoever hands out the survey's goals are, shit like "20% more engagement" or whatever, and then it said a goal was "87% decrease in a desire to jump ship." Actual words there re: ship. EIGHTY-SEVEN PERCENT?! That's...weirdly specific. Apparently the survey is going to ask about our intention to leave and whether or not we feel like GiantOrg cares. (I dunno, sorta? Some people? Depends entirely on who you are dealing with?)

My actual answer--and I've written this down before--is that if I felt like I could jump ship to something less awful and keep the awesome benefits of GiantOrg (preferably stay working at GiantOrg in something less awful, but that's not an option) I would, but I can't, so I won't. However, since they will be sending our answers to our supervisors, I don't think I'm going to actually write anything down, just give 1 star ratings or whatever and no actual saying of anything, since what good does it do anyway? Everything will still suck same time next year, five years, ten years, 25 years, eternity after this, because systematic change ain't a thing.

Then I had yet another writeup/meeting of shame about how badly I handled one of the awful situations this week. 'Nuff said to that.

Right after lunch, the other horrible couple that has been harassing me for a week and a half personally came in to scream at me to give them a freebie. My boss approved it. They got their fucking freebie AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY. I had to apologize to the girl at the front counter for having an obvious "I CANNOT HIDE THIS MELTDOWN" meltdown when she told me they were here and she said, "That's okay, I've seen all of their emails, I totally understand." I gather they were harassing EVERYBODY. I hate people like this. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE YOU EVIL SMEGGING FUCKS.

Found out that our lovely temp attempted to apply for the job on my team, and HR shut down the posting hours early. Da fuck. My boss is asking them to reopen it.

I was seriously on the verge of meltdown and thisclose away from just screaming and crying all afternoon. Grandboss and Lioness started bugging me to help them with some other damn thing and I was all "haven't done it in years, don't remember how," please leave me alone because I DO NOT HAVE THE COPE TO PROBLEM SOLVE ONE MORE EFFING GODDAMNED THING. I didn't even get to BUT THE EMAILS because I had to go problem solve something less bad all afternoon and I was out of juice and care to finish.

I WISH I WAS DEAD, I CAN'T SAY THAT STRONGLY ENOUGH. BECAUSE DEAD IS THE ONLY WAY OUT OF THIS. I have been fucking ROASTED all day, Rae called and then sent a bunch of enthusiastic texts about tomorrow and I am all I CANNOT RESPOND WITH CHEER I WANT TO DIE I DON'T KNOW HOW I AM GONNA GO REHEARSE TONIGHT.

Post-rehearsal: Peron's Latest (Whore) Flame: Welp, so far this is about the only interesting thing we do in here. Sorta...choreography? Mostly a lot of fancy stepping and twirling and waving around a champagne glass/cigarette holder (yes, even the teen girls on that one). We'll have something like 12 girls and 5 guys as soldiers, so...weird lopsidedness there. But it was mildly fun and I am in less horrible of a mood at the moment, even if I just wanted to sit the fuck DOWN already and not listen to 10 girls argue over which foot already. It wasn't too difficult but a lot of people were somehow confused anyway. (I don't even know how the three people out the last 2 weeks are gonna do it.)

I continue to be amused at the guys yelling "whore" and "slut" and "dangerous jade" and otherwise being crude AF. "Boorish soldiers," per Scott, but more amusing than the girls being snobby.

I didn't write down too much tonight (tired) but will attempt a few:

Sierra being all "Sorry in advance if I smack anyone with my ponytail" and also bending way over in front of me and commenting about my reaction if she splits her pants (me: "I'm gonna laugh REAL HARD").

Steve was having enough of "more spinning?" and later said "Let me get into a spinning mood."

Steve on the theater: "Just because I designed the place doesn't mean I know anything."

The teen(?) girls surrounding me: "Steve said something offensive! But I don't know what," as they missed the beginning of it.

Scott said he's going to sign up to usher on Saturday (we'll see, I suppose, but he at least looked at the signup thing in my vicinity). He did sit next to me tonight, so that was nice. And made "mmmm" noises when I was super obviously fried. I told him about Hunchback and I guess we'll have to meet up post their dinner since even if he could meet at the place ,he can't get there by 5. I gather he's rearranged his rehearsal times to be Monday and Friday at 6, so good for him there. I also asked him after rehearsal if he ever asked why we're having TWO weeks of tech week for 10 minute shows and the answer he briefly got was "the musicians." I asked if they did that before and he said heck no, it was a week last time. He is similarly cheesed off on the 2 weeks thing and said he's going to write a looooooong email arguing that we only have to go to some of each week. We'll see how that goes.

I said I usually don't win arguments and he said he tries to argue with logic and reason and I'm all "yeah, me too, and then I get feelingsbombed and yelled at." And let's face it: if a deep voiced tall guy says anything, it WILL be listened to more than literally any female ever, sigh.

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