The weekend was much better (and more romantic) than I was expecting after the way it started. I am still feeling mushy and happy and I-don't-wanna-leave right now.

After that debacle with CDG, I was amazed that I even made the train at all. (Fortunately it was late as well.) When I finally got off, Dave saw me and broke into a run. I did too, and when we met in the middle he picked me and my bags up and hugged me. Remember what I said about dramatics at the train station?

Anyway, his coworker Chris had invited us to go see Blade 2 at 10 p.m., so we hung around at his place for awhile, then went to check in at our motel. (Note: Dave and I have the irritating-to-everyone-else tendency to call motels "hotels." The only real difference is the price, you know? So if I get it wrong, that's what I mean.) Fortunately he found us a cheap but decent one, yay! (Though I'm feeling quite cleaned out after the weekend anyway, between the hotel and food and other things.) The movie was, well, a boy flick. Billions die, massive explosions, I dozed off for a bit in the middle. It was okay, but I wouldn't give you the rave review that Dave would. After awhile, it's just same old shit you've pretty much seen in every flick, you know? Just slightly different special effects.

On Saturday, I walked Dave to work (he found a hotel that was a few blocks away from there, restaurants, and other interesting places), then eventually went downtown to look around and found the bead store. I'm such the beading whore, and spent most of the day there making jewelry. One glass-beaded and silver necklace for me, a green and blue necklace to go with this locket I have, and I also made one for Dave. The first thing I saw upon walking into the place was a gold dragon pendant and I thought "I have GOT to get that for him," so I made a gold necklace around it.

In the middle of this, I went to go meet Dave for lunch, and when I said I'd wandered a bit downtown, the first thing out of his mouth was "Did you find the bead store?" The boy knows me. He loved the necklace and showed it off all weekend. After several other folks said they wanted one, he got the idea to talk to the new owner of the gaming store (the one he wants to get involved with) about me making and selling them for the store. Turns out we couldn't talk to the guy this weekend, but it does sound like a good idea for a little moneymaking, especially when unemployment looms.

On my way home from the bead store, I was royally creeped out. I was crossing the street and some guy was parked there and was definitely giving me the hairy eyeball. I crossed and pretended I was trying to enter a building in that block, even though I had no idea what was even there. I could see him turning his car around to follow me! Unfortunately, I couldn't find any secret way to avoid walking on the sidewalk by him again, and he drove by slowly yelling "Hon!" a few times before driving away. I quickly walked back to the hotel and hid in my room until I had to pick Dave up. God, why do guys do that, anyway? I'm not a hooker looking for a date, I just wanted to walk home! I was tempted to yell out "I'm engaged, you moron!" but didn't want to acknowledge his existence.

That night we did dinner and dancing! Yay! We both got to dress up and went out to this cute little pizza restaurant I'd wanted to go to. Oddly enough, we ran into the guy who plays the former head of the clan from game, and he said that the prince was in hiding (I'll spare you the long story why) and there was a new (and most likely temporary) one in now. Phew! After that we went to this club, which had a rocking funk band playing. Dave eventually positioned me dancewise so I was dancing in front of him- I found out afterwards that apparently he'd been getting a fair amount of butt-groping (from both genders) and knowing I wouldn't appreciate that, blocked me from it. What a sweetie.

Dave had Sunday and Monday off. Which, surprisingly, may be a trend in the future. Since by now his work's finally hired a few more people, they may actually go to having more regular schedules, with him hopefully getting Sundays and Mondays off. If this happens (though of course he only gets to find out on every Friday), he'll be able to come visit me for a few days, and possibly have four-day weekends for us, with me coming up for Friday/Saturday and him coming home with me Saturday night-Monday night- thus less of a hotel/where do I stay issue. I hope this happens so I'll see him again soon.

On Sunday we went to his family's house for awhile in the morning- among other things, he wants me to get to know his family- and hung around and went shopping with his mom and cousin for awhile. Then we went to the mall by ourselves. Dave wanted to get pictures taken of us, and the mall had a store where you could get a ton of wallets for cheap. So we did that. (And I was going to link to them for you, but the scans came out monumentally bad and I'm not sure how to fix them. Lines all over the place.) We also window-shopped in all the weird stores, where Dave fell in love with literally every dragon thing we saw. Somehow I get the feeling he'll be very easy to buy gifts for. After that we went back to the hotel, where Jeremy and Nikki and a few others stopped by for a short visit.

I finally got up the nerve to tell him about Dad. It's something I don't really tell people about much or very well, and I often just don't get up the nerve. I think I just plain never told Hill and she ended up surprised. He said he'd be there for me and that he's good at deciphering slurred speech.

As for Monday, we put in a little more family time. When we got to his grandma's house, his mom griped at him that his grandma had done a "slip and slide" when walking into some of Yoda (the dog)'s poop. Dave went out to investigate... and then returned, telling his mom she was being dramatic. "You made it sound like she was gliding through the backyard on wings of feces, when really there was just one footprint in the pile." I about died laughing at the mental image of his grandma in some kind of ice-skating pose, careening across the backyard with brown wings behind her. Everyone else thought I was nuts to be laughing that hard, including Dave a bit- "I'm amazed you find that THAT funny." Oddly enough, we had that moment in reverse when I said something (unrepeatable) I didn't think was that big a deal and he cracked up because he wouldn't have figured me of all people to say that. Another amusing moment over there was when I was sitting around at the kitchen table after breakfast reading my book. Lisa (his cousin) walks in and asks what I'm reading. After I gave the sci-fi book explanation, she laughed and said that I so fit into this family. Hmmm.

And surprise, surprise, we heard from Scott and Demma, who wanted us to hang out with them. No comments from either of them about bailing on the weekend (though Scott did say April was a bad month), but we did hear that the riverboat cruise was distinctly not good. Tons of cranky people, some of whom were having panic attacks at the water, it was cold, etc. I think we had the better night. Anyway, we hung out at their place for awhile, Jeremy and Nikki called and I ended up talking to Jeremy for awhile about starting a vampire band. Then we got food and went back to his place until my train finally left.

I've decided that Dave's even worse than my mom about worrying about people. He asked me to call him first instead of Mom when I got home tonight and to call him when I got to Mom and Dad's on Friday.

I am seriously thinking of getting a cell phone now. I arrived in Sacramento on time, but the bus was 45 minutes late. I was freaking out that it would never come and I would be abandoned in Sacramento all night, and I didn't think I had enough cash for a taxi. It didn't help that I was the only one going home on it either. I fear that if I have another weekend of travel like this, I may need a damn phone. At least I could call Dave when I'm going to be late. The electronic leash seems more and more necessary.

I'm feeling wiggy. Dave's wanting me to bail out on Hill and move up to his town when this year's lease is up. I can't deny that it's practical. He's got a job and I don't. It's probably better for me to move my unemployed ass now than in a year when (at least, I hope that's a "when") I'm employed. It'll be a year and five months before we can live in the same location if I don't go this year. His family and friends are there, most of mine aren't here.

And yet, well... I don't feel ready to move just yet. I don't want to bail on Hill. I would feel major guilt doing that. We've had this plan for months. I have more contacts jobwise here, and this is a town where a non-driver can do well. Modesto, not so much. There's still things I want to do here, when I have the money- take jewelrymaking, Renaissance costume, sign language. Do they even have one of those over there?

And the main reason- I'm just not ready to leave this town yet. I've had my departure planned for September 2003, and by then I feel like I'll be ready for the new. But this year... well, the last year (and last few months in particular) have been chaotic change filled already. This living situation has been the one stable thing in my life, and I don't think I'm up for everything changing on me this year. (Yes, I do realize that's kinda the point of marriage.)

I want a long engagement. It's gonna be a period of adjustment in a lot of ways. I can use the time. Ironically, it's not that I don't want to be with him. I do. I'm probably gonna whine about the distance for the entire year and five months and kick myself a lot for doing this. I just can't resolve all these desires in my head yet. I need to adjust and plan. If I didn't have to decide it all right now and could wait a few months, or didn't have to sign up for another year's lease or nothing, my decision might be different. (Probably would be, actually. I'd rather move earlier in 2003 than September, but of course with the leases here I can't do that.) But I just can't adjust this fast.

Gah, I have no idea how to tell him this without sounding awful.

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