Chaos Attraction

The Only Thing Good Is Knitting And TV

2019-03-25, 9:50 p.m.

I planned on going to a poetry thing that Mary was performing at on Saturday morning, except I was way too fucking exhausted, like “went to bed at 8:45, didn’t get up till 11:30 and the only reason I did that was because the Lawn Guys were coming” exhausted.

After the Lawn Guys came, I hid at the library, where I then started getting frantic calls/texts/e-mails from Loretta, having a knitting emergency. So I went over there for like six hours and worked that on out. She got the pattern from a divey yarn store that apparently takes out of print patterns, rewrites it as their own, and then leaves out some details, what the fuckery. Anyway, we got that fixed up and now everything’s better and we had a good time.

On Sunday, I had a similar time because Dawn needed an excuse to get out of the house so she could finish her husband’s anniversary present, so she came over here to watch Gilmore Girls and stitch, then we went to a card making class, Michael’s and the grocery store and then back to the Gilmore Girls until she got it done.

I have to say, the hanging out with friends and knitting really helped. I got a fuckton done on the latest sweater.

Now back to work.

Number of yawns out of me that I managed to stifle in the 8 a.m. meeting: 5
Number of yawns I actively heard out of other people, who I’m sure also got a talking to after the meeting: 3.
GQ actually brought his Sudoku into the meeting and tried to do it during the meeting, which of course he got busted for before I could get him alone to warn him. He also fell so asleep that I had to nudge him under the table.
I also got talked to for falling asleep in meetings (though not this one) and not being QUITE “active and engaged” enough. I asked if I could knit or do anything other than sit still or stand. No. Apparently (not really kidding) pinching and stabbing myself under the table would be preferable.

Seriously, how the hell she expects anyone to be "active and engaged" at 8 a.m. in a meeting where I have very little knowledge of or contributions to make to about the subject matter 90% of the time, I do not know. How I’m going to endure this meeting and and all the other ones for the next 25 years/until firing or death, I do not know.

Other than that, things went okay, all things considered. I mostly worked on international shipping stuff and finally had a good long meeting with my boss to hash out how we’re gonna handle all of that stuff. I did not spend the day answering the phones, which apparently were busy because we somehow still never stop being goddamned busy.

I detoxed over the weekend bu then I had to go back to work, where I am getting angry in my head if asked things (which is bad) too much, and the parade of “You suck and you’re trapped” plays in my head most of the time. I need to stop ranting about that shit at knitting group. I want out and at the same time I feel safer being trapped as opposed to being laid off and having to struggle and fly by the seat of my pants, like someone else has to do.

Last week Meg told me that she’d be in town toward the end of the week (I have Friday off), so I was all great, we can hang out, maybe I can go visit or you can visit or whatever. Heard back today and nope. She’ll briefly be in town Wednesday and then immediately leaves again because somebody’s relative died or other. I am ... not joyful about this, but it is not fair of me to be a whiny brat about any of that even if I am feeling that way. I wanted to go out of town this weekend and see her longer, or at least leave so I do not dwell on what I wish I was doing instead this weekend, but if we’re looking for not paying for a hotel room and people to visit, that pretty much leaves me with going to Mom’s house for some hoarder time. No.

And Mueller was a fucking fizzle. And it’s raining again for most of the week.

Oh well, at least I got a lot of knitting done and Supergirl was good, so there’s that. Hell, even Gilmore Girls yesterday (the “Wedding Bell Blues”/Emily breaks up Luke and Lorelai plot) was actually hooking me and making me want to watch more, and usually GG is a very casual watch thing for me I only get around to once in a while and/or if Dawn is over. So at least television and knitting are good, if not much else is.

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