Chaos Attraction

Spoiling the Bible

2019-05-10, 10:20 p.m.

Happy birthday, Mom! I sent her a text and that’s all she wrote there. I hope they are birthday boinking tonight.

I got my battery replaced, yay. Then I went to work for about 2.5 hours and tried to wrap up as much drama as I could before I left.

Whole Earth was as amazing as ever. I hung out with several friends in succession. First Yemi, then briefly Dawn, who found a hanging hammock chair booth and ran off to buy one, then Loretta (Dawn and Yemi went back to work), then after Loretta left, I picked up Dawn after she got out of work.

Random quotes of the day:

(a) Yemi telling me that she thinks Snuggle Bear is evil.
(b) Loretta saw Joan Baez at Teatro Zinzanni: “She sat on my lap and I was in heaven.”
(c) Loretta got stabbed in the hand with a thorn and has now developed “thorn arthritis.” “I never get normal things.”

I spent...way too much money on tie-dye clothes. I got eight garments: five at Harmony and three at another dealer that had a lovely set of rainbow skirt, tank top and jacket. As for Harmony, I got blue tie-dyed cargo shorts with tons of pockets, a long-sleeved shirt, some tie-dye yoga pants, a gorgeous blue mandala jacket that everyone loves, and they threw in a free shirt for me on top of that. Huzzah!

After all the shopping was done and the booths closed up, I went to the supposed art gallery show of my neighbor Cathy, who is a famous local for (a) being in a band, (b) used to work at the co-op, and (c) is now dying of two terminal illnesses but is still plugging along having a good time and riding a bike so pimped out you’d think I’d decorated it. I don’t know her super well beyond saying hi in the halls and petting her dog (and her previous dog) but she seems nice. Anyway, she was posting that she had a gallery show going on at the church, so I figured I’d drop in for fifteen minutes, see her work, eat some snacks and then figure out what comedy show I was going to go to tonight--the free one in town or the FemmeFest in Sac, both at 8.

Well, I got there around 6:35 and it turned out it was a concert (the actual gallery show of her art on cards--souped-up rainbow-y photography of life here) more than a gallery show, with her and a dude doing cover songs. So I saw that, then went and looked at the cards (I got two featuring her dog) and by the time I left there it was around 7:30, so too late to make it to Sac in a reasonable time frame. So I decided to hike across campus and go to the improv show here, featuring BOTH improv teams of Birdstrike and Cherry Pie.

On the way over I ran into Vera again and we chatted for a while, then ran into Paulina (another CC person, also a neighbor, though apparently she is getting booted out of her house, ack), then Paulina and I got portobello mushroom sandwiches, then she went to go pick up a friend and I went to the comedy show.

The show was pretty excellent. They mixed up into two new groups, “Bird Pie” and “Cherry Strike,” and had mashups of their faces showing before the show.

They did a musical number, featuring the song “Last I Checked, Shrimp Was Vegan.”
One character said she was a leek and at one point it was said, “You leeked?”

They did some Harold-type stuff for a while. I really loved the monologues:

(a) “Sauerkraut is a disgusting food and is now the smell of our room.”
(b) One girl being too polite to object to what she was eating at someone’s house “...and that’s how I went to the hospital with anaphylactic shock.”
(c) One guy is named Jetan and he uses a fake name of “Jay” for work and Starbucks. Someone was wondering why he was doing this--apparently he is an EMT--and Jetan was all, “okay, I’ll use my given name all day and see what happens.” So he introduces himself to the first person and they have to go into the ethnicity of his name, how it’s spelled, etc. The other guy is all “that wasn’t too bad,” and Jetan is all, “no, but it’s terrible to have that conversation 4-5 times a day.”

These led to sketches about a naked cleaner at a club that women related to and a guy being named “Pterodactyl” and a girl being named “Penis.”

They then had a game called “Schoolyard Bully” (better than it sounds) about how two people were taken out of the room, the audience did some kind of Mad Libs to make up three silly/insulting names, then the two people were brought back in and told to do a scene in which they insult each other. Each person has a team of people playing charades, trying to communicate what the three words were.

The two insults were: “hairy unlucky proton” and “moist spicy gonorrhea.”

So this led to guesses of:

“You kinda drink sweat”
”You are dripping in a circle”
“You are such a conductor”
“Are you hitting on me?”
(After she finally guessed “moist,” the girl said, “You know how I hate that word!”)
“You are such a mime!”
I must say that the charades team literally acted out “proton” very well, with one in the center and the others circling about, one making a plus with her fingers and the other making a minus, and pointing out the periodic table on the wall.
By the time the girl guessed “gonorrhea,” the room LOST IT.

They also did some slam poetry (the fungus poem was bizarrely amazing) and a scene about Halloween featuring lines like “Is this cockroaches wrapped in foil like at the last house?” and “Is that meth candy?” “It can be.”

They had an excellent scene about how church spoils the plot of the Bible for you. Resurrected in three days? I did not see that coming! Also, “spoiler alert! You’re eating Jesus’s body!” They finished with some Beastie Boys rap.

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