"And yet, rereading this, I realize she's also pitiful, in a way. You'd almost feel sorry for her, if she weren't so very evil."

I am loving Jette's evil twin entry. Love it, love it, copying it 'cause Jette rocks. (Oh, and Byrne did one too, to everyone's shock and amazement.)

(Note: Yes, my evil twin is pretty damn rotten and evil, as opposed to being cool and evil. I figured she'd be the opposite of everything I got raised to be and am. Jette's quote above pretty much sums her up, especially the bit about pitiful. Though I did find it very amusing when I realized that Evil Jennifer would really have hit it off with Dave in his wilder days...I always figured that any kid that came after me would be the automatic black sheep in the family. Man, am I glad I'm an only child.)

My evil twin... is my parents' absolute worst nightmare.

She hasn't been sober a day in her life since she was eleven. She has tried every drug she can possibly get her hands on or get from guys, and reaches for pot or booze or worse first thing when she wakes up just to make sure that sober doesn't set in.

She dropped out of school at 13 and has been sponging off of people ever since. She got kicked out of the house at 14 and has been living with friends (I am amazed that she has any still) or boyfriends. She would rather sleep on the street than pay rent (not that she'd ever get a job in order to do so), and has done so many a time and oft. She isn't worried about getting assaulted, though, since she carries around a big knife. She loves knives. At any rate, people are generally afraid to mess with her. She's constantly rude to anyone who ticks her off in the slightest, and comes up with the most personal, heartstabbing cracks. She can outscream our parents.

She's gorgeous, yet obviously out of it much of the time. She rarely eats, yet somehow still seems to function, and appears to be anorexic. She needs glasses, but ditched those at the age of 10 so she could be cool. She used to wear them around our parents and then take them off when she left the house, but now she doesn't bother with pretense and just squints a lot. She's usually hanging out of her skimpy tops and minis, and has no shame about this. Her hair alternates colors whenever she gets ahold of some new psychedelic hair dye. It's usually blue or purple or chartreuse or something like that. She wears smeary black eye makeup and screaming lipstick of various colors as well. You might be able to tell we were related, but we really don't look much in the way of identical at this point.

Of course, she gets all of this by shoplifting. How she gets away with it I have no idea, since she looks suspicious as all hell. She doesn't have a criminal record, but it's not for lack of trying and more because she managed to get others in trouble instead of her. She did manage to get her license at 16, but of course has no insurance or her own car. She much prefers borrowing other people's cars for joyrides (though yeah, she will eventually return them after she runs out of gas). She hasn't killed anyone or anything yet, but she's quite the speed demon on the road.

She is beswarmed by men 24-7. While she doesn't really give a damn about any of them, she takes full advantage of what they offer to her, and figures if she has to sleep with them to get a place to crash or whatever, what's the harm? Hey, it's a free O too. She's usually too high to care about how gross she really thinks a lot of them are. The only thing she's uptight about is making sure she gets Depo shots, because she had enough of abortions after the second one and periods really screw with your love life anyway. In her more coherent moments, she thinks about 'saving up' (hah) to have her tubes tied or something.

In the grand tradition of evil twins, mine took off at 16 or so to cruise down the coast and ran into my Dave back when he was in his wild stage. They were hot and heavy on an off-and-on basis for a while, but she'd cheat on him with anyone who came by and offered her something. Dave would get into fights with the guys she boinked, she'd find it a turnon and then go boink him again afterwards. He thought that she was the girl of his dreams, and he's the only fellow she has managed to have any feelings for, but her attention span's so short that she wandered off on him a few months later, scarring him for years. Boy, did that add some fun in when he and I got together later. He's over her by now, but he gives her evil death glares when she shows up at my door. She is under the impression that she could get him back any time if she wanted to and likes to give him smoldering glances right in front of me.

This girl's hideous and I can't stand her. Likewise, she can't stand me and never has been able to since we started school and I quickly earned the reputation as "the good one." We've got that twin psychic connection thing going on, but it's gone wrong over the years. I've tried not telling her where I'm living now, but she somehow always seems to know and shows up at my door every few months to see if she can bum money off me. It drives me crazy. I don't give it to her, but she's been known to steal something of mine on occasion to get it out of me anyway. If she had more thought and motivation in her life, she'd perhaps consider trying to screw me over somehow, but most of the time she's too hazed to bother thinking.

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