Chaos Attraction


2019-06-30, 10:08 p.m.

I drove my new car out to Roseville to look at a book I could only find there to try to decide whether or not I wanted to buy it--it’s half off in ebook. I think I am still mostly undecided. A lot of what I skimmed through IRL was kinda not as interesting as I was hoping for it to be, but a few parts were darned good and it had literally the best, most interesting, on fire description of kissing I ever saw in my life. Seriously, any time I ever kissed anyone it was just...mouths, not THAT. Damn. (Does that actually ever happen with humans IRL for real? I’ve always assumed it doesn’t.) I really would rather just get this as a library read than committing to buying it (especially now post-car buying), but the library doesn’t have it, so...still debating.

And while I was at it, I was flipping through a book on signs. I didn’t buy it because (a) just got new car and (b) this book was about 85% oriented toward “your dead relatives are sending you signs from beyond the grave” and I don’t think my dead relatives are into that sort of thing at all, but I did like some of what it said about finding things. This was very relevant to the rest of my day, actually (see below).

Also, the book did say that if you want something or other and you keep being thwarted at it, like for example job hunting, it’s probably because getting said thing would throw you off your path. So I seriously wonder about this one (and in all honesty, is a major reason why I am no longer trying to do--God wants me here, so what else is gonna work?). At this point I think I’m trapped here for some reason.

The driving of the new car went well, albeit I’m still trying to figure out which one is mine in parking lots. I am afraid to personalize it so that the asshole who likes to vandalize my car can’t figure out it’s the same owner. Sigh.

Anyway, while wandering through the arboretum/rehearsing lines (which I admit I wasn’t super in the brain space for, but at least I am remembering most of them!), I saw a lot of interesting things. Like a crane, like several turtles and a ton of mallards, I even found mallard feathers with colors on them (rare), and I saw one really weird bird I can’t ID out in the back. But I also found more blue bird feathers, which I have REALLY been finding a lot of the last few weeks and especially on weekend rambles. That kind of thing had mostly died down, but it seems to be coming back.

But I am finding...objects.... again. Like for a while (I forget when....) I was finding guitar picks really frequently. This morning I found a guitar pick right next to my car. The other week I found a red heart that said “Love” on it after therapy and then today I found a little purple heart bead in the arboretum (and then later went to the dollar store and apparently that’s where they sell those red hearts, as like balloon holders or something). I also found some weird little paper with lightning bolts on it.

Signs, man. What does it all mean? I definitely don’t think it’s dead relatives....

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