Chaos Attraction


2003-10-02, 8:54 p.m.

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Short news flashes of happy:

If you can, please check this out. I put up a veritable shitload of books and clothes, since I recently cleaned out my closet and need to get rid of things one way or another. So far, I've got one $5 bid and bid on $5 worth of stuff myself, so I seem to be coming out even. Oh well.

Well, our bathroom has finally been fixed. New shower, and finally, a few days later, a shiny new toilet that actually looks clean (the last one looked nasty even when you scrubbed it). Woo! Rather wish they'd cleaned out the wood chips, nails, etc. they left all over the bathroom, but I guess you can't get everything in life.

Signed up to take ASL again, with my cool teacher Kevin. Monday nights this time, let's hope it stays that way. Starts Monday!

Also got tickets to see David Sedaris on Nov. 2, which should be awesome. I guess this means we have to spend Halloween here this year, but there looks like there is actually something to do- see Warp 11 (just check THAT site out) at my favorite pub.

By the way, has anyone heard of this site? I'm vaguely thinking about doing it- or at least, it wouldn't hurt. So you make about a cent, oh well...

Am finally seeing Dave again this weekend, as he will be coming up for Apple Hill. I think I'm due to go to him next weekend to go meet his new crew of D&D pals- Jeremy's been having all-night D&D parties at his new girlfriend's apartment- and heck, Nikki even goes. Amazing.

Heather has an 8 a.m. class Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and since I go to campus at the same time, I've been waking her up. This is actually rather fun, since waking her up involves getting her to talk until she gets conscious enough to know she's talking!

Freakiest, saddest thing I saw today:

My other coworker on this project originally wanted to get into politics, and used to work at the capital before getting inadvertently blackballed out of his job (his boss was pushing to get him something good, this didn't go over well with everyone else). Ever since he's been working somewhere at this place. I can tell the well, dullness of repetition is getting to him too of late. My boss was joshing him yesterday about how he should write a book "so you can get out of here."

Today, he made up one of those tear-off-a-number fliers and actually posted this on the office bulletin board. It said:

"For Sale: Degree and Diploma, A.B. in Government. Like New!!! Take over payments."

Sure does seem like degrees are useless these days, doesn't it?

And now, as usual, the whiny childish portion of today's entry:

I am officially signed up for you-know-what again, and am all excited. I am revved about the idea I have (whatever the hell it is), and want to share it with any folks that are interested.

Therein lies the problem.

I may have mentioned this before in here, but I have been asking around on LiveJournal, on mailing lists, etc. about the problem. If you put a novel online (any more than a few excerpts) for anyone to see, it gets rid of publishers' first publishing rights, and then they won't take your novel for sale. Or so everyone says. I even asked John Scalzi today, the one guy I know of who did publish a novel online and sold it, and he said that while his publisher didn't have a problem with it, others very well might.

I am really not all that thrilled with my options. People have basically suggested (a) get a mailing list again of some kind, (b) put it in a friends-only LiveJournal, or (c) figure out how to password-protect an area of my website. And much as I continue to look, those continue to be the only three options. And I just don't really want to do any of them.

Actually, I would want to do (c), except for the fact that well, I'm just plain STUPID about how. Any explanations how to do it that people have given me I just don't comprehend At All. It pains me that I am so interested in technology and yet cannot understand how it works no matter how hard I try, no matter how simply and in words of one syllable they explain it to me ten times over. I DON'T GET IT. It makes me want to cry that I can't understand.

(And for those of you who are going to yell at me for calling myself stupid again, the very definition of stupid is someone who can't understand something simple and easy. 1 a : slow of mind : obtuse b: given to unintelligent decisions or acts : acting in an unintelligent or careless manner c : lacking intelligence or reason. Can you honestly say that I am showing speed of mind, non-obtuseness, and reason here?)

As for (b), it'd be the easiest option, but it wouldn't allow anyone who didn't have an LJ to read it. I am not thrilled with that.

Again, this brings me back to (a), which I did before. It'd be the simplest, easiest solution, not to mention the most practical and saving-ass for publication issues.

So why do I absolutely NOT want to do one again? Seriously, just thinking of the idea gets me all... I can't describe it. I really don't want to do one. It was okay the first year I did it, but the second year I got bad at maintaining it. I didn't send things out as often, and it really annoyed me that I didn't have a central place for people to read it. "Oh, hey, I want to read your novel!" "Oh, sure, but you've already missed the first five chapters..." That just sucks. I want a central place that I can point people to, even if it's passworded. I am jealous of everyone who starts their own NaNo page for people to read.

And yet, if I just do one out in the open, then no publishing for me.

Part of me thinks that if I just can't bear to do a mailing list, then I'd better not do anything at all and save the possibility of publishing. And then the REALISTIC part of me speaks up.

"Oh, come on, like you're actually going to PUBLISH the thing," *scoff* "you know what you're like. You thought you were going to publish the last novel, but did you EVER touch it when it wasn't November? Did you edit it any? Did you want to work on it again? Noooo, you did nothing. What are you going to do with THIS novel come December? Same damn thing. And even if you actually bothered to edit it, you're never going to get up the nerve to send it out anywhere. After the first rejection you'd go hide in a hole. You're not that good or that special at it anyway- you hate descriptions, and everyone loves those. So why are you worrying about preserving your publishing rights when you're never gonna publish? At least if you put it online it'll actually get read and not just die on a computer file someday."


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