The good news: I finally got three necklaces done, ready, and even photographed (albeit badly) for the 3WA crafts fair! You can check out my green dichroic beaded necklace, my lapis with dark and light blue beads necklace, or my purple and lavender with amethyst crystal beaded necklace.

The semi-good news, a.k.a. NaNoWriMo update #4:

Despite spending most of the night working on the auction stuff, I did get a little done.

The semi-bad news: Demma is apparently now vomiting and suffice it to say, they won't be coming this weekend. Dave will be taking the train over here in a few hours- there goes the writing time I was going to use tonight, but oh well. I booked the ticket for him because I've got all these discounts I can use if I book online, and the site once again fucked up and wouldn't let me book ANY tickets on a train going out today. 8 a.m. Saturday, great, fine and dandy, but today? Hell no. Thus forcing me to book on the damn phone line, and the bitch who didn't wouldn't let me use any of my discounts "because the ticket's not for you." Grrrrrrr.

The bad news, or at least what's disturbing me most right now: I made the mistake of telling Dave last night about the switch in relative visiting for the holidays. Which prompted him to tell me that he's INSISTING that we spend the holidays together. Regardless of a lack of a place to stay, car, whatever my parents think about it, their lack of interest in telling anyone we're engaged, etc., he is INSISTING.

And he pretty much demanded that I come to their Christmas at the very least. Apparently it's going to be a big to-do because of his aunt's suicide and his brother's going off to war (whenever the hell that is). Sounds cheerful, doesn't it? And he went off about how he really wants us to spend part of Christmas alone at my place. I can only imagine how well THAT will go over with the relatives.

"If you don't tell your mother this weekend, I will. And it's probably not going to go well if I tell her."

Okay, he didn't mean it quite as nasty as it sounds in flat print, but... I'm feeling pressure that I'm not happy about. I already said no to this, I didn't want to go there this year. There is enough already to worry about without throwing in this to fight over.

I hate fighting. I hate fighting, I hate fighting.

This means that I won't get to see Aunt Susie and Uncle Brad and the cousins at all this year, and those are the relatives I actually like and are decent. I would much rather skip seeing Auntie Dolores and Uncle Bruce and the rest of the Spanish Inquisition. I KNOW they are going to go make Dave feel like crap because he's not flush with the funds right now. I don't want them all to get into an argument, or me just plain want to hit them. I even told Dave this was why I didn't want him around them right now, and you can imagine how well that went over. I felt like a total shit for saying it, and I was a total shit, but I felt he at least should be warned that they're materialistic traditionalist numbskulls who canNOT keep their mouths shut about that. That's what I dread most of all.

I am also ticked because how on earth am I going to get home from his house on Christmas Day Eve to go to work the next day? I somehow doubt Amtrak runs then. And for that matter, what on earth is he gonna do around Thanksgiving? What am I going to do around Thanksgiving? Will I even be able to stay at Mom and Dad's to work on the novel? Where the hell is he going to stay?

And what on earth are my parents going to do at Christmas without me? Dammit, I'd rather spend Christmas with them than Thanksgiving. They don't have anyone else to spend it with other than me. And Christmas Eve with them is the one nice part about the entire holiday. And Dave wants me to give it up?

Waaaaah.

I have always dreaded the whole "when you get married, you must share the holidays and split the relatives" thing. Like I've said before, the holidays are the one time I was happy that I was single. I've dated guys during the holiday season, but it was casual or fairly casual at the time, so other than possibly giving them a gift and a phone call during the day, I didn't have to deal with the couple crap. No dealing with unknown relatives of someone else and being on company manners, or hurting Mom's feelings because I'm not going to be home for the holidays. Me going to someone else's house was Not Acceptable, and lord knows it wouldn't have occurred to me to try asking. Likewise, I wouldn't invite someone to not be with their family.

I'm not normally a person who's into things being predictable, but a big thing I do like about the holidays as they have been for me was that they were. I knew where I was going to be, with whom I'd be hanging out or who I'd be avoiding in the corner, what food we were getting, how the interactions would go, etc. Other than unexpected annoying marriage comments, it's kinda nice. I stress to the gills buying presents for a month beforehand, but after the presents are done I can chill out, read my presents, wear my cute new outfits, and stuff my face. Unless someone makes a comment, anyway. (Usually happens, but those aren't predictable.)

I didn't know last year was going to be the last of those types of holidays. I never thought that would end. And it makes me sad. And I want one last year of things staying the same- well, same meaning that I get to spend both holidays with my side- so I can savor it before it all ends forever and I'm stuck spending half of them away from everyone. I thought I'd be able to snag one last one this year. And I'm slightly ticked at him for taking that away from me. Not majorly ticked, I understand he'd want me around and wouldn't be too thrilled with just whining on the phone that we miss each other for Christmas (same thing we do every night, Pinky). And I am aware that Once You Become An Official Not-Just-Boyfriend-And-Girlfriend Couple (TM), you are Expected to share the holidays whether you like it or not, forevermore. It isn't socially acceptable to be split apart at that point without a good excuse.

It's nothing against Dave, I do like having him around and all! I've just been dreading that whole thing coming upon me, and can't say I'm too happy to get to finally deal with it now. Oh, the hurting I will get from my parents to tell them "Um, I'm not spending Christmas with you, but guess who's coming to dinner at Auntie D's?" I dread it, I dread it. I think Dave's about to make me tell them on the phone Sunday night while he's here, too. The everpresent kid inside me is whining "I don't WANNA." I can't even think of how to say it to them.

Waaaaaah.

I know it's that whole Growing Up and Getting Married, and if you can't handle it, you shouldn't be getting married thing, and his relatives probably won't be nearly as much of a pain as mine are to deal with, but still. It's stepping into a Great Unknown that makes me incredibly uncomfortable to deal with, and nobody really understands that, it seems.

previous entry - next entry
archives - current entry