Chaos Attraction

Why Don't You Speak For Yourself, John?

2019-11-10, 7:34 a.m.

I left Mom’s early (slept over) to go back to rehearsal, but hit the Vacaville Joann’s on the way up and found a Tunisian crochet hook, if nothing else. Sigh. I also had an argument with her about how she wouldn’t throw out a rotten piece of fruit in the fridge (she would LOSE IT if it was in MY fridge) and when she bitched me out about how I should keep my trunk clean of fall leaves and I pushed back, said “Do as I say, not as I do.” Hypocrite.

We had rehearsal from 1 to 5 today, but they wanted people to come earlier. From 8 to 10 if you were building the set and from 10 to 1 if you volunteered to paint. I told Anita that I was driving up from the Bay Area that morning and wasn’t sure when I’d get there, but got there around 11 and...really, they did not need me whatsoever (or at least weren’t doing enough painting that they needed more than about 3 people doing it and it was mostly done by my arrival) so that was kind of pointless. I ended up in a corner trying to figure out how to do Tunisian crochet. Why is this a thing? Why did someone “invent” a crochet stitch that works like a knitting stitch when we already have knitting? Why does it need a special hook with two ends when I never ended up really needing the other end? I don’t understand. Anyway, not gonna volunteer again next weekend for that since I don’t think they need me for anything. Might as well sleep in instead since I was tired until like 2 today.

Linda came by and brought Jewish food for us to try. Gefilte fish (I refused that one, not a fish person), horseradish (no) and latkes, which I did eat. So we had lunch and then had a very long rehearsal running through the entire show, with Anita actually stopping scenes to do more direction than usual. I presume that was needed on scenes, I didn’t get so much of that but I am basically around in anything for 30 seconds at the max in this show so eh, whatever on that for me. Alexis, Bridget, Robert and I went outside to rehearse the song and decided that we’re going to enter from the back and then meet in the middle, somehow, around the tables. Anita had no comment to this. Okay, so we’re doing this.

We also had to hang out in the green room and they had a nice monitor setup so we could actually watch and hear the show from inside there. I do enjoy when that is doable, since I hadn’t seen some scenes in quite some time.

Germaine memorably schooled us all about the real story about Miles Standish and Priscilla Mullins. I should say that two kids play those characters in the Thanksgiving pageant and she actually introduces herself as “his lady love.” Germaine heard this and was all, “But what about John Alden?” She told us about the poem “The Courtship of Miles Standish.” As Germaine told it, Miles Standish was 45 and his wife fell overboard or something off the Mayflower, so he was single. Prisclla Mullins was a 20 year old orphan and all alone. Miles fell for Priscilla, but felt that he was too old for her, etc. He did a Cyrano and got his secretary, the hot young John Alden, to plead his case for him romantically. John Alden secretly loved Priscilla himself, but dutifully/loyally sang the praises of Miles (good provider, whatever). Famously, Priscilla’s response to this was to say, “Why don’t you speak for yourself, John?” indicating that she was far more interested in him than in Miles. (And if you read the poem, she elaborated in that if the guy can’t be arsed/is “too busy” to pitch his own woo, then she’s definitely not interested.) John reported back to Myles, who was pissed off and huffed off into the woods. John and Priscilla got married, which was blessed by the town minister or whoever and eventually Myles himself. Germaine said that she actually met Priscilla Alden, one of their descendants. Moral of the story: ladies do the picking.

I hung out a lot with William and Robert, which was enjoyable. William is fun to chat with. I have about as much romantic attraction to him as I do to oh, 99.99999% of the world, i.e. “eh, I feel nothing on that level,” but I vaguely considered the possibility of dating him because at least I’d be entertained on the date for a change and he is slightly more age appropriate. Not that I am going to ask him out, mind you, because settling doesn’t work (I just finished reading Lust and Wonder so that is in my brain) and I don’t think he’s into me either, but I would hang out with him again. Hopefully be in a show with him again at some point since he said he’s done 31 of the damn things. He even got recruited into the previous show of As You Like It and was told he could have any part he wanted. So jealous of that, y’all! So nice to be a guy in theater and be desired instead of extra.

I am also going to mention that William’s pants were so full of holes that we could see his boxer shorts and phone through the giant hole at his crotch. Damn, dude. Seriously, GET SOME MORE PANTS. I didn’t technically see anything to get arrested over, but I darned well could have.

We also had some fun chats about drastic age differences in romantic casting, such as between Alexis (19) and Trent (I assume he’s at least in his 50’s), since William had been coupled with her before in shows. I said that I’d been fake married to That70’sScott and we talked about the joys of working with him in stuff, i.e. he’s good but difficult. After establishing that yes, there’s now three different Scotts in this theater company (he hadn’t met the current one before this show), William asked if Scott and Cameron were together because “they do seem to be together a lot.” All the fucking time, yes. Wow, wasn’t that a fun awkward question to be asked of me, especially since I still had an audience around of Robert to hear anything I said about it. I politically said that as far as we knew, “just friends, and anything else I’ve heard is rumor.” And acknowledged that most of the time, they are cast together as a romantic couple. So yeah, that was a fun topic to chat about.

William also said that he was going to an “improv funeral” later. “That sounds like the most fun funeral ever,” I said, and he said, “Actors like weird stuff.”

We also talked about Laure, since I mentioned that as far as I can guess, she got into the other Coney Island Christmas, offered Miss Glace to me over there but I didn’t think I’d get cast as it since the director doesn’t even remember me, and really, why isn’t his hot girlfriend doing the role anyway? This led to me finding out some hot goss (thanks, a certain TV show, for putting the phrase “hot goss” into my brain now) about how the director and his girlfriend got together when they were cheating on their now former spouses, and William is friends with that guy’s ex wife. Ooooooh. Also, William overheard Laure and That70’sScott talking about all the drugs that both of them did in the 70’s. That explains a lot....

Quote Corner:

“Abner, stop picking your nose.” -I think this was said by Drew the stage manager, but he somehow did this over the loudspeaker.

“Drew is funny.” -Abner

“You’re arguing with yourself there, Abner.” -Cameron

Cameron and I had a conversation with Abner about the word cow, which was written on the chairs (I think as in “City Of Winters”). He’s five, so reading is hard...but he still knows all his lines, so good for him. Cameron also told Abner not to take his shoes off when he wanted to when woodworking has been going on stage, which led me to saying, “Because walking around going “ow, ow, ow,” is not as much fun for you as it is for the other people around you.”

William is wearing a shirt that says “Brooklyn” on it:
“You’re dressed like it.”
“For what, a crazy person?”
”No, Brooklyn.”
“It’s almost like I dressed like that deliberately.” -me and William.

The modern part of the play is set in Southern California and Shirley Senior goes on about how meshugah it is to be 80 degrees in December. It’s still in the seventies here. Me: “I’m going to be amused if it is actually over 80 degrees when the play goes on.”

I’m still not sure what they are going to do about making Mary pregnant onstage, but Dona said, “I don’t think you want him” (Scott) “reaching up her dress.”

“I’ve done so many interesting things with sheets.” -William, which led to a discussion about how no, not those kinds of things done with sheets in more southern states.

I totally missed the context of this, but I walked back in to hear William say, “Formerly beloved Germaine Hupe is going down.”

Germaine was telling stories from being a teacher. She would clean off the desks of what everyone wrote on them until she found one that said, “English sucks. Grammar sucks. Mrs. Hupe sucks. Shakespeare sucketh.” Germaine was impressed. “I left that one.”

“I could write a book on the things kids say” and “When they’re innocent, it’s cute.” -Germaine. A kid reference from Germaine: some kid was writing about the Queen of England and referred to her husband as the “Dude of Edinburgh.” Also, “George Washington slept there. He is the Father of our Country.” Also, where is Bethlehem? “Go to Egypt, turn left.”

I forget the context of this one, but “I just drew a picture of a little shovel,” -Germaine, talking about kids shoveling BS.

Germaine on being critiqued for being wordy in school: “If you call something word, it’s to be verbose. I was not her favorite.”

The kids all started hiding under the tables so they were like hiding in a cave. Germaine to this: “You ladies being exclusive under there?”

“When you hear a story, you pay attention, children.” -Germaine

Also: “Who’s the most famous Indian maiden?” -Germaine
“Squanto?” -Frances (playing Priscilla, note that Squanto is the one named Indian in the show and a guy)
“Pocahontas, yes.” -Germaine

The kid playing Young Clara is very bored just sitting on stage watching the whole thing with not much to do.

“What a ham. I mean turkey.” -William as Izzy gobbles, gobbles, gobbles.

“Yes, I’m still in high school. I’m a tenth grader.” -William when a kid asks his age.

“Well, Jesus was Jewish...” -Anita

Linda brought Kool Aid, which Robert and I went for.
“Don’t drink the Kool Aid!” -Bridget
“Too late, we already have!” -me, who then faked dying.

“They’re checking for lice. Make your move, Shirley.” -me watching the kids getting ready for the Christmas pageant, in which Young Shirley calls her crush pretty or something like that.

After Mr. Hilton’s line about how plays are really all about team spirit: “Smells like team spirit.” -Robert

“The power of Christ compels you to play Jesus.” -me
“That’s what’s happening to Kanye West right now.” -William

After Rachel lost her phone and there were many of them lying around the green room, I was reminded of the line on many a Hawaiian T-shirt or sign about not taking better slippahs on the way out.

“No, I didn’t pee on you.” -one of the kids.

“Why aren’t you gay?” -one of the kids. Oh, kids these days.

Abner was heard quoting, “Marcia Marcia Marcia!” even though we all assume he hasn’t actually seen that. I can only assume it’s pop cultural osmosis that led to him picking that up.

I watched the kiss scene on the monitor and apparently even when the proper person is in the scene, there’s still a lot of awkward crashing. It’s weird.

Everyone got told they’re not allowed to have their cell phones out even in the green room. Naturally the adults all broke this at some point or other, even me since I forgot my notebook/script book/Carol of the Bells lyrics and they’re on my phone. Scott got busted for this early on, being told by one of the kids, “You were on your phone, you’re not a good role model.” Scott was all, “You’re not the first one to say that.”

Scott, as the lone tall dude in the room, decided to fix the broken clock in the room, declaring,”I can at least allow some sanity in the place.”

Next week, I have rehearsal all three nights and we have karaoke night off. Woot.

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