NaNoWriMo update #6:

Pretty good, right? Over the 15,000 hump. Phew to that. Of course, I still, still, still can't help but think "3,000 behind... 3,000 behind..." Feeling so lackluster tired and brain-dead during my nights the last few days didn't help! But at least I seem to be a consistent 3,000 behind. Maybe if I had two free days...(hah, yeah, right).

I hit the dead point- where I'd run out of things I'd previously plotted out to write about. I know vaguely where it's supposed to go in the future: (a) the girl and the guy eventually start working together and rebuilding their relationship (they're exes who have now been permanently tied together due to unforseen circumstances), and eventually (b) certain bad shit goes down in the magical world with regards to the evil conspiracy. I've been laying foreshadowing for (b) for awhile now, though I must admit I still don't know how I'm going to get there. But (a)? No clue how to write a love story, really. No idea how to get them back where they were before. No idea how to write the eventual sex scene either. Oy vey. I think I may just end up stalling around for awhile...

Even worse, I think I'm going to have to get her pregnant. And in all honesty, I really don't want to get her pregnant! What a damn mess that would be. Unfortunately, going with the whole schema I've just come up with to explain why this bonding thing has gone down, I think it'll have to happen. Yet I don't want to write about a pregnant character, I don't necessarily think these two are ready to be parents or are going to be at that level of commitment at that point (hell, I don't think they'll even be ready for marriage), I don't want to write about the physical aspects of it and knowing how gripy my main character is, I'd certainly need to (though lord knows hanging out on chat, you hear everything you'd need to know about early pregnancy, I guess), and I don't know how pregnant she'd need to be at the end of the story or how that would affect her role at the end.

Ugh! I'll figure it out at some point, I guess.

In the meantime, I have thought up some new areas to go in regarding the conspiracy, and hopefully I'll work up something with regards to the love story in and around that. I'm still amazed I've managed to think up this whole "conspiracy" plotline in the first place, since I normally am not strong on that, or very good at solving mysteries. Plus I'm even doing foreshadowing!

Latest profile update, complete with new excerpt.

Good news on the job front- Dave has (a) an interview on Thursday, and (b) two other places interested that should be calling by the end of the week. Not to mention that (c) since his family's been encouraged by this news, Grandma's giving him money in the meantime to keep his phone turned on (it was going to have to be shut off Friday) so they can still contact him. Yay! He's even thinking of taking two jobs, since they'll be in the same location and all. If he can swing it, anyway.

Since it's temporary holiday retail at a mall, I'm not expecting to see him much in the next two months, if at all. Oh well, I'll just have to live. He can sure use the money to start paying off all the relatives and the bills and work on repairing the car, and that needs to be done ASAP. I'm thinking that if his work schedule is way too busy on weekends, I may just stay home more often though. Really, if I'm only going to be seeing him from approximately 9:30 p.m. till the next morning every weekend, I'm not sure there's much point to going up there. I'm not all THAT entertained hanging out with his relatives alllllll daaaaaaay loooooong with no computer access when I could be doing other things. (The nice thing about his old job: it was only during daylight hours.)

We'll see, I guess. But I have a feeling he'll be employed somewhere by the end of the week. I'm not worried any longer.

I hadn't mentioned this in the journal before, I don't think, but I was kind of thinking of getting one of S&D's rats, a sweet one named Dot that I played with while there. They had been telling me I should take her and Harriet (Dave's rat) up here with me in a few weeks, and I was incredibly nervous about that.

See, I'm a pet killer. If we don't count all of my various goldfish (nobody knows how goldfish die), all three of my pets have died of neglect, and two of them were my fault. My first rabbit got a parasite because I took too long to getting around to cleaning his cage. The second rabbit wasn't my fault- Mom sprayed pesticide around him and forgot about it. And if you look way back in the archives of last year, we forgot to feed the hamster and he died. The only animals that haven't died in my car were the cats I catsat, and I didn't do that all alone. Me being in charge of an animal by myself is a bad thing, as I will forget to check their food and water, clean the cage, etc., because I am so self-centered that I ignore them. After the last death, I had decided that I should not get any more animals, at least not while someone wasn't around to ride my ass and babysit.

I had extremely strong reservations about taking Dot and Harriet (not the best idea to leave socialized rats alone all day). S&D wanted to bring Dot down here last weekend. Dave kept saying he'd call me and remind me, but how well would that work if he doesn't live here?

Well, I found out Dot died last night. Apparently she tried to get out of a wire cage, ripped off a few toenails, it got infected... ow. Poor baby. I guess Scott was going pretty nuts about it.

The first thing I thought when I heard was "At least I didn't kill her. She's probably better off dying now than living on to be killed by me." Hell of a thing to think, huh?

They offered me my choice of the next bunch of baby rats. I told Dave that I wasn't going to take one, I just kill pets. He was disappointed, said I deserved another chance. I said "I've already had another chance, when I was older, and I utterly blew that one too. I don't deserve another one." I shouldn't be playing around with animals' lives as an experiment.

He sounded incredibly disappoined in me. But I'd rather not kill anything else. Period. I suck.

I am worried about me physically.

Most of my butt-fall injury cleared up entirely after say, 3-4 days. However, the rest continues to linger on. I now know what it's like to feel like you pulled your groin, and there's one patch on my lower back that still hurts a bit. I still am limping and walking funny. I can't run, which is sucking for crossing traffic in the rain.

I'm stuck wearing shoes with treads on them at least until this crap clears up, so instead of wearing my usual slick black boots and funky skirts that go with, I'm stuck wearing my old blue suede boots. Which are nice, but I don't think are all that appropriate for work. And of course, being blue and hiking boots, they look kinda stupid with dresses. I have been wearing pants, though the icky weather out hasn't helped.

But I am tired of feeling so non-girly, and I'm about out of pants I can wear to work to boot, so I er, winged it. Today I am wearing a light blue shirt and sweater, a black, gray, and light blue short skirt, leggings, and the infamous blue boots.

It looks, well... it sorta works and is sorta silly.

But I felt this big when a coworker (who didn't know about my buttfall) looked over at me and started laughing today because, he said, I seem to be in a frumpy phase. Gee, thanks. Like I can help it.

The other coworker the other day suggested that I may have fucked up my back and will need to go to a chiropractor (which our mutual medical coverage doesn't cover) to get it fixed. ARGH. Given the fun experience I had getting my back popped, i.e. instant crying fit, I REALLY don't want to do that. And yet, I suspect that that might be the problem after all. My body isn't healing from this any more than it had after 3-4 days, I'm still in the same condition from then.

This is worrying...

I am also worried about my hair.

Six months ago, it was thick and lovely and long, the same as it's been for years. Now, enough hair has fallen out so that it is no longer thick. It's not falling out as much as it was, but it's still falling out enough to worry me. Perhaps this is because I just don't have much to lose any more?

I have always been able to put it in a big bun, large hair clips, the works, and have a hard time keeping it all in. Now I could put my hair into a bun the size of a doughnut hole, with two small barrettes being the only thing holding it together. It's THAT thinned out and weak. I can't see any missing patches of hair anywhere, but one hunk of hair on my head keeps standing up higher than the rest on its own if my hair is anything but recently washed clean, and won't really lie down all that well.

It's also not in good condition. After I wash it, it all frizzes out to hell. The top layer of hair is straight, but the layer beneath dries in odd ripples and bulges that can sometimes show through. I don't look too good any more if I don't do something to my hair. It never, ever, looks conditioned. To the point where I could walk out of the shower, having JUST put leave-in conditioner on and rinsed it off, and Mom would go "Did you condition your hair?" I've bought expensive conditioner to put on it, and my hair stops feeling smooth and conditioned the second that it finishes drying. My hair has never taken well to conditioning of any kind at all anyway, and this isn't helping. I swear, I could just put half a bottle of conditioner on my hair and leave it in for 24 hours before rinsing, and it'd still look like it'd gone Brillo Pad the second it got rinsed and dried again.

I am seriously afraid that I will end up having to cut off all my hair in the next few months. I really don't like short hair, but when I'm losing mine and not showing any signs of it stopping (and my hair was slow growing to begin with)...

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