Chaos Attraction

A Good News Day!

2023-12-15, 11:03 p.m.

Went to bed around 10-ish, woke up inevitably circa 12:30. So much for having a nip of alcohol before bed on that one. So, up all night for the billionth time, whee.

However, today's first day of IOP went great.* Two hours of online. It sounds like a drop-in sort of class thing in that two people were "graduating" today and me and one other person said they were new today. I guess they probably just rotate the same lessons every ten days or something like that.** Today's lecture as on distress tolerance, which I absolutely need.

* Note: I did speak to the friend who did IOP, apparently they did it when they were younger and did some program where they went in person for six hours a day and did crafts. Well, that sounds fun, albeit not quite what I'm doing. But same kind of team of psychiatrists/specialists, nice people, etc.
** One person in there was on their second round of it, which surprised me.

Mainly the lesson was on ways to calm down your physiology: getting your body cold with ice/water/something or other, 20-30 minutes of exercise, tensing and relaxing your muscles, box breathing. distracting yourself, engaging the senses, and doing the best you can even if it's 30$, and just accepting that this is how things are right now if you have to. I'm not going to write it all down right now, but I liked it a lot.

After that, I had an appointment with a temporary psychiatrist, Dr. A (my case worker was out), who was ABSOLUTELY LOVELY and I wish I could keep him. He asked if I want a permanent one--per my PCP, yes--and he said that would take six weeks to set up, but he could handle things in the meantime, as can people in the IOP program if I have any issues come up between now and then. Discussed my past Wellbutrin experience--he said it was a shame it didn't go well for the ADHD stuff and I said yeah, but I couldn't take it any more, literally. Also though Lexapro was a good move, asked if I was feeling anything yet and I said no, it's half a pill this week, I pretty much feel the same as I've been feeling lately (i.e. sometimes fine, sometimes sobbing, sleep as erratic as my current baseline, appetite light to average) so nothing I've noticed as being off this time. Next week is 5 mg and "that should hit harder," I asked what *that* meant and he said I should feel it more then, more "settling." I asked if I could get a refill once I run out and he set that up ahead of time in between meeting with a permanent person, and said I can contact IOP doctors in the meantime even after the program ends if I need to.

He asked if I wanted sleep medication and I said hell yeah, and he prescribed me two kinds of chewables to take and try and use whatever works at whatever dose works, both nonaddictive, and put in for that. (As I write, apparently there's an issue with one of them that I'm waiting on.) It makes you wonder why they can't just actually offer things that work over the counter instead of all of this bullshit that you're only supposed to take for a short time and blah blah blah?

He also looked at my records re: the ADHD evaluation and said she's working on it, and while he can't tell me the results due to Kaiser rules, and they have a lot of them because it's a "high controversy diagnosis," he said "strong possibility of ADHD."

And finally, he agreed to sign off on the work accommodations paperwork, said to ask to have it sent to him directly. WHEW. So, woot! This is the first time I've actually felt like there's hope in this situation!

After all of that, I did a Yarn Club Zoom with Yemi and another Jennifer, I sent various emails to various people requesting paperwork, updating Union Guy, etc. went to FedEx to do some printing, got gas, and picked up one of my prescriptions because they were out of the other one.

Tonight I went out with DMTC people for Jan's birthday dinner at Old Spaghetti Factory. In the car were Steve/Jan (both in walking pain for various reasons, at one point Laurie made a crack about "I'll see your nerve pain and raise you my nerve pain"), Dannette and Laurie, and then we met Ed, Arthur, and Longhaired Scott for dinner. A good time was had by all, the food was very good and we had an excellent waiter. I wore my Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer sweater to horrify Steve, which is great fun. Longhaired Scott was in a Christmas llama sweater and got what mine was right away, so kudos to him (and both of us for dressing up).

Theater dish with Ed: we asked if he knew why Theater in the Heights went out of business and he said no, but it sounds like the place was a little weird. Like, "I wondered if director was a millionaire because they always had all this free booze and everyone was drunk." Interesting!

After that, the five of us in the car went to Dovewood Court, which I hadn't seen before. Jan was in barely-walk status again with a cane due to nerve pain, but insisted on walking along the sidewalk. I kept an eye on her just in case, but she made it (whew). The court was very cool and amazing, though we could have lived without the Trump supporters driving around being obnoxious. There was a Grinch house, a Snoopy house, a Gremlins house, a Cars was pretty magical.

We had interesting discussions in the car about people running their brights and the various businesses going out of business, and divey theater award conversation that made me laugh, like a certain place just nominates everyone apparently, and Broadway World doesn't actually hand out anything. However, by the time we got back to the theater, everyone but me started arguing over whether or not to put the website/phone number on the sign or not since right now there is extra space, and after awhile I was all, "hm, I don't have to be around for this bit."

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