I tried the new sleeping pill I could get, Clonodine, last night. Per instructions, I tried a half pill. It didn't work, as I still woke up at 1:40 a.m. I had been advised to try the other half if it was before 2 a.m., which I did...didn't really work, sigh. Dammit. I'll try a full pill tonight but it might have to go to two or something. Disappointing.

Today I tooled around with Dawn and Loretta going to pop-up stores in Woodland, as well as bookstores and the like. They got more than I did, I managed to restrain myself to one used book and one pack of Christmas cards for $2, and I found them stuff that they liked--popup cards for Loretta and an animated dachshund for Dawn. We did the gift swap later and they seemed to enjoy their gifts, so yay. Even if Loretta (a) didn't open it in time for Hanukkah and (b) already took down the Hanukkah decorations, she said she'd put it up next year. Dawn was amused by the camper ornament. Loretta gave me a smelly candle, a beautiful box and truffles, Dawn gave cocoa and her fancy cherry salsa and a Baby Yoda pin I need to put on one of my Christmas sweaters. All was fun.

This is the last time I'm going to see Scott, most likely. I'm feeling weird about it. But at the same time, ready to let him go, finally? Like send the letter and it's done. Like fine, he'll never speak to me again after this probably. I'd like to think that he would feel bad and reach out, but fuck if I know, and I should definitely know better than to count on anyone else to respond. That's why I said in the letter I don't expect him to. Of course, the real kicker will be, will I put it in the mail tomorrow or Monday morning at all?

The book I got today was about calling in your soul mate. One chapter does mention getting rid of old loves in your heart and a few times it mentions that "releasing a love is often the energy that pulls the person back to you, in what could be called a "rubber band defect" (maybe she meant effect?) and "she literally feels you releasing her and responds." That maybe if you release that person, 10% of them it might work out and then that's the very piece of work that gets them to commit. But yeah, right. Already did that in 2021 and killed that rubber band in 2022. If I do this, I'm doing it expecting nothing other than getting my own ya-yas out.

Last night, Fiddler: it turned out to be a DMTC night because a lot of people from there were at it. I don't think it sounded like most people had coordinated this one ahead of time, I don't know. Sounds like this is when people could go before Seussical ramps up, I suppose. Anyway, spotted Steve/Jan, Dannette, Laurie, Chris and Kaitlyn, Shorthaired Sarah and briefly hung out with probably everyone at various points in the evening.

As for the show: well done, albeit they didn't have much in the way of sets (just like, short walls and like, triangles hanging from the ceiling...I note there was no roof for the fiddler), and according to Steve at intermission the clothing wasn't entirely historically correct. I note he said he and Jan are genetically from this area--like Jan's of Ukrainian heritage at least and I gather that's where Anatevka is located. Jan said it was a good production, albeit she would do her version of it differently but wouldn't tell me how :P I did follow Jan to the bathroom to check on her--Kaitlyn did too--but I guess her pain stuff suddenly went half away at intermission? Go figure.

I was glad that Scott and Morgan had the lead roles that they did. I kind of feel like she didn't have as much to do that showed off her talents, but her bit of "Matchmaker" was freaking great and Scott did "Miracle of Miracles" very beautifully. It was weird seeing them as a romantic couple--not that this is a show where anybody has sexual chemistry with anybody, mind you, but that's about the least amount of him having it with anyone I've seen in a show. Probably because it wasn't Cameron :P (Same went for the other daughters and their SO's, frankly. Just like, no vibes with them at all. Possibly because there's just not a whole lot of romantic scenes for anyone.) That's the first time they've had scenes together much in any show, so they seemed to like that post-show. Both of them said they basically didn't get to see each other or rehearse together except at the end of Secret Garden. I liked how he got kind of goofy around the wedding at times. Beth Ellen of DMTC was in it as Yenta and Grandma Tzeitel, with wigs, and had I not read that in the program I would not have recognized her. The director (note: this is the director who picks her own parts in every show) ONLY did Fruma Sarah in the one scene tonight, I thought, "Huh, she must be taking the show off."

I gather something went wrong with the lights tonight as they kept the house lights on somewhat during the show. I loved this because it so helped my knitting, hahahahaha. Oh, and apparently they have TWO shows on Sunday night, which Morgan did not know, so I think my singing lesson Sunday night is canceled. Which is fine since Dawn and Loretta wanted to go look at Christmas lights...somewhere. This town literally has ONE house listed on californiachristmaslights.com, so that sucks.

Post-show, I hung out with the DMTC folks, which helped. Scott came out, hugged everyone, asked how I was doing ("no comment"), I had one last hug with him. He did have a joke in the program about how he was playing a tailor, given his day job. I was all, "And you still don't know how to use a sewing machine" either. I did talk to him more than usual in a group setting. He hung about for awhile, Morgan came out later. Apparently their show schedule is quite busy with only a few nights off this week and next week, oy. I did get annoyed when both of them walked off out of nowhere to talk to castmates after the rest of the DMTC people had left, but what can you do.

And after that...I presume I won't be seeing him.

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