How Annoying Are You In Your Online Diary?
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Aw, I'm not quite the train wreck I wannabe...

I spent the whole weekend sewing. Fortunately Hill was nice enough to go for a mini-shopping trip, so a new zipper was purchased. (And a bead loom- I know I shouldn't have done it, but it was COOL and cheap!) The dress is MOSTLY done after a weekend of work, though I have had to handsew a great deal of it because my machine refuses to sew anything with a small (1/4 inch) margin. So I had to handsew the lining, and it's definitely oddly bulgy, but since I can't machine sew and gather, that was all I could do. Oh well, it's not like anyone SEES that part. Only the dress hem left to go. I may end up making her a wrap too (to cover up what I did to the back) with the leftover fabric. Sewing makes me generally cranky and I tend to feel inadequate when I'm doing it (and not-so-clear instructions don't help, ahem), so I've been so pleasant to deal with the longer this has gone on.

I have to admit that I can't wait to move on to something else to do. I still want to go make some clay things, and try out that bead loom.

You know what, I hate having dreams like I have been lately. I had one last week where the ex and the friend of mine he dated after me went off and had sex in my car (nice, huh? Yes, I know 'what car?'). I had one where I found out that because of my lost hair I had to have chemotherapy, and they hadn't even diagnosed me with cancer yet. And last night I had this lovely one where Dave dumped me and I was moping around some old lady's house wondering if I'd just dreamed that he dumped me. It'll be a relief to call him tonight just to check, you know?

I hate dreams. I hate being stuck in an alternate reality that is either too unpleasant or too contrastingly pleasant to my real life (I do not like waking up from a lovely dream to find out that my life is back in Suck Mode. I can't take it). And you know all that dream symbolism book crap? I never need it, because my dreams are utterly transparent. I am seriously considering making SURE I don't get enough sleep to dream- under 6 hours- for a few days so that I can break the cycle of dreaming. It's worked before during bad dream cycles such as after I got dumped, so it should work again. I'm always tired on work days no matter when I go to bed anyway, you know?

"Would you kill me if I bought you a diamond?"

"Uh... well, no." (I'd prefer any other stone, really, but um, whatever.)

"Good, then."

"You've been seeing way too many DeBeers ads on TV, haven't you?"

"Well, on the radio."

Seriously, I'm ready to shoot every diamond company on the airwaves that's hyping "GET HER A DIAMOND FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!" Every. Fucking. Time. I turn on the television, there's a diamond ad. I think I hate them for being overhyped, too. I am so sick of the pressure.

I really need to start budgeting more often. New Year's Resolution, along with the savings account- right. We'll see how long that lasts. I should just hit the ATM Monday morning, take out X$, and NOT hit the ATM again by the time it runs out until next Monday morning, for a change. I swear, I'm like the only person I know with money. (Well, Jackie has money, but she doesn't live here.) Everyone else I know is either unemployed or underemployed and can't afford much, and it is frustrating as hell. Really, when there's say, 6 people in a group, everyone's starving, and I'm the ONLY one with any money whatsoever, what am I supposed to do? Stick to my principles, claim I have no money like everyone else and go hungry, or stroll up to the nearest fast food joint and only buy myself food while everyone stares? Uh, right. I really should be doing option A of that more often, instead of thinking "Well, I can always hit the ATM."

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